WET review


WET is essentially a celebration of all things gritty, action packed, and morally bankrupt, all rolled up into the one word most reviewers use called grindhouse. Basically, think of a low budget action or horror movie from between the 1930s and late 1960s, with heaps of violence, heaps of sleazy shit and heaps of swearing, topped off with some visuals that were anything but pretty. These movies were often fun to watch, but they didn't hold much else beyond that. Basically, fast food for the mind. Based off of that, I didn't expect shit out of this game except a fun shoot em up fest with heaps of blood, swear words and tits. Well, I didn't quite get tits, but it does have a fair amount of blood and swearing, so hey, 2/3 ain't bad.

Not that anybody plays a game like this for the story, but just to humor everyone, here it is - basically, gun for hire Rubi flies over to Hong Kong to escort her contact's son over to him, but it turns out to be a set up by an imposter. He kills the escortee and stabs Rubi, leaving her left for dead. She's alive and ready to kick ass. Really, that's all the story comes down to - control a badass chick and *bleep* shit up. Any attempt at character or plot development is either laughably brief or just laughable in general, but that's not the issue - no, it's the dialogue in general that fails. There's nothing quotable, nothing that sounds badass, and nothing that... does anything, except make me want to skip the cutscenes, and I'm sure you'll do the same. If you're not doing shit with the actual story, focus on dialogue, because some games come out just fine if they have the right dialogue (ie. Shadows Of The Damned).

But whatever, you'd go for these kinds of games for the action, and honestly, WET's action is a rather inconsistent affair. No, not technically speaking; try from an emotional standpoint, but let's go over the technicalities quickly - this game is basically about jumping around, shooting enemies with dual pistols, dual shotguns, dual uzis and a crossbow with explosive shots (all of which get unlocked in increments as you progress - in fact, one issue is that you get the crossbow a tad too late) in slow motion. You would think that constantly being in slow motion would be annoying... well, there's a period of time where it's annoying because it just feels so disorienting to be slowing down constantly in order to shoot bad guys down, but eventually, you just get used to it because you're doing it so much that it feels natural. Not to mention that if you're not jumping and sliding around, you'll very likely to get your ass handed to you, because shooting while standing leaves you vulnerable to heavy fire, which tends to be of the automatic variety, and Rubi takes fairly realistic damage, meaning she won't be alive for too long, meaning you'll have to go into bullet time in order to fight and survive, hence why you'll get used to it.

There are some platforming segments, but most of them are brief, and don't really add to much, except for one frustrating section that'll require hairline precision, and if you're off by even a second, you're dead. It involves running along a wall and then jumping off in the distance at the right time, or moving across ledges and jumping off of them. If this doesn't sound like the Prince Of Persia games, then you need to play them (good games, by the way people). While on the subject of gameplay elements that don't involve shooting people, you'll sometimes be forced to solve "puzzles"... basically, you shoot certain targets while sliding to keep a door open - yeah, it sounds retarded and it really drags the pace down since you're not doing heaps of acrobatics while gunning down bad guys. It gets ditched after the first half of the game, thank god. In fact, a majority of the second half is spent shooting bad guys down.

Let's sum it up - technically, it's pretty *bleep*ing underwhelming. Combat appears to be little more than jumping around to shoot bad guys in bullet time, and platforming is... disposable, pretty much. But I mentioned that the second half is spent shooting bad guys, so the question is "is it fun" - and to that, I say "kind of" and shrug because it's a game of moments, really. When you initially get past the "shit this is weird" feeling, the combat is actually fairly fun. I mean come on, who doesn't like shooting bad guys with some style? Jumping around, sliding, swinging on poles, jumping through windows and other stylish, sometimes over the top shit - all while shooting, you have to admit, is pretty *bleep*en impressive, and thanks to the point system, you'll actually be motivated to experiment as it nets you more points, multiplies your score as you keep it up, and rewards you handsomely at the end of the level if you get heaps of points with upgrades and shit. But the problem is that there's a phase 3, which I call the "meh" phase. This is where you've seen all that there is to offer and the game doesn't try to do much else. At this point, you'd be begging for some extra stylish stuff to come your way to break up the eventual monotony of gameplay.

Ooh, there's Rage Mode, which is basically where the screen turns into something that wouldn't look too shabby on the Virtual Boy, all red and black, but there's white in the color scheme as well - that won't work on it. But seriously, what happens is that you basically kill enemies in one hit. That's... about it - oh, and you can get heaps of points as each enemy killed adds to your score multiplier. Sounds cool and it even looks cool, but it's pretty much the same shit as when it wasn't all red, white and black.

The only other thing to look forward to is when you get to jump from car to car. No, seriously, in a couple of levels, you're placed on top of a car, and periodically, you'll be required to jump onto over cars, run across the side of trucks, and even stab a motorbike rider or two (if it'll sound better, they're bad guys trying to shoot you). A lot of this is done through quick time events, requiring you to press buttons at the right time or else, you'll miss and end up being roadkill. These tend to get a tad picky with the timing, but it's not too much and missing a prompt is just a result of you being slow. Besides, it really lets you pay attention to what's going on... with a lot of jumping and running across the side of trucks during peak hour traffic on a highway. You have to admit, that looks cool.

But that's all this game really is - it just looks cool. Actually, that's a lie on a technical scale, because it looks like a *bleep*en PS2 game. The textures are flatter than Rubi's chest and a lot of the animation tends to look clunky... which probably explains why it's in slow motion - they want to hide the low fps and oftentimes awkward animations! As much as it was a stylistic choice, I'm sorry, but the colors outside of Rage Mode look like ass, like it could stand to have a touch more contrast. The colors just look... dull. Lifeless, boring and just plain "who gives a wing dang doodle". But Rage Mode looks pretty stylish, with a surprisingly effective usage of reds, blacks and whites that doesn't hurt your eyes... in fact, I remember it cured somebody's blindness once - if only the Virtual Boy could do this. But yeah, outside of Rage Mode, the graphics blow and citing Grindhouse as your inspiration for your lackluster graphics makes you sound like an arrogant prick... and take out those shitty cinema adverts that are placed between certain segments - I swear, it's like they're trying way too hard to make it seem all grindhouse-y... no, it just looks like a PS2 game with little in the way of substance and a lot in the way of style... in that instant gratification kind of way, which basically says "one time use only". Boring.

WET has a pretty sick soundtrack, that much you can't deny. The songs have that dirty punk rock feel that you'd expect to be used for a low budget film. The only problem comes from when one song is all you hear for the majority of a level, but eh, these songs suit the mood and sound *bleep*en sweet, so whatever. As for the voice acting... let's just say that it ranges between "meh" and "only works because she doesn't say much". Yep, Eliza Dushku is probably the only voice provider that doesn't go for obvious stereotypes or anything that'd be potentially cringeworthy but ends up mediocre anyway... only when she doesn't say much, though when she says more than a few words, it winds up average due to delivery that's hard to care for - then again, the script mostly sucks ass, so I don't blame the underwhelming performances.

The only way I could recommend this game is if you have absolutely nothing else to play. This was pretty much a filler game, originally used as a gap between Arkham Asylum and Uncharted 2, but in my case, it's while I wait for Tales Of Graces-F to hit my front doorstep so I can *bleep*en play it. Other than that, I mean, it's stylish, I'll give it that, but it wears off pretty quickly, and what you get in the end is a below average action game. Personally, I'd only replay this if Eliza Dushku came to my house and gave me a blowjob while playing it.


Story: 1/5. I thought we were past excuse plots...? Development is either brief or non existent and the dialogue just blows.

Gameplay: 1.5/5. It's got a decent arsenal and some good ideas, but it's all marred by mediocre execution and a severe lack of actual content. Most games tend to repetition by mixing it up in subtle ways; this doesn't. Plus the platforming and "puzzles" were put in there just because they can.

Controls: 3/5. It feels a bit clunky in that you move further than you should or your aiming reticle just doesn't want to hit that sweet spot sometimes. They function alright at the best of times, but it has moments where it wants to be uncooperative.

Graphics: 2/5. Rage Mode looks neat; the rest of the game looks like it was meant for the PS2, with dull colors to boot.

Sound: 3/5. The soundtrack is pretty damn tits; the voice acting is pretty mediocre, save for moments where Rubi delivers a few well executed words. Eliza Dushku gets props for that. Just wish the script was good.

Overall: 2/5. WET just doesn't do much right, and what it gets right will eventually turn sour upon repeated playthroughs. Instant gratification is the name of the game here... if you can even get that at times. Not horrible, but pretty much a waste of time due to shallow content and a poor script.

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