Two Worlds review
Worlds away from a good game; Two Worlds promises much yet fails to deliver in any regard

The good:

-Nice environments, i guess. Nothing new or different, but the rolling hills and lakes are nice to look at (so long as they're in your minute draw distance)

The bad:

-Even though the world is huge, dungeons and places to explore are so few and far between that the scope of the world ends up being a negative point.
-Laughable story
-Terrible inventory system
-Confusing UI
-Easily the worst voice acting in any game on the planet
-an abundance of wolves, boars, bandits, and goblins, but not many other enemies
-Boring drops
-Atrocious character models, stiff movement
-Graphics worthy of the PS2
-Unbalanced progression in difficulty
-Plenty of useless skills
-useless map
-button mashing combat
-awful animations
-the list goes on and on


Two Worlds was a game that had alot going for it. Before it was released, Southpeak Games promised to make a game that would put oblivion to shame, a game that would be the defining RPG on the market. This game was very highly anticipated, with an ungodly amount of interviews with the developers, leaks, and information being spread about it. Everybody was excited about it; unfortunately, picking up two worlds and putting it into your Xbox was like opening a huge box on chistmas and it being filled with used gym socks.

Two Worlds' mediocrity is apparent from the get-go. The title screen is bland and unimaginitive, with a character creation system so bad that your character will always look exactly the same. There are approximately 3 hairstyles, 3 shades of brown for your hair, and a height meter. That's basically it. Starting a new game will throw you into the story, where you (the "hero") must save your sister, who is kidnapped by some pedophile in a robe. (also, they make a monty python joke in the first thirty seconds. I'm not kidding, see for yourself.) Here's the rest of the story in a nutshell: You talk to creepy guy in a robe. He tells you to get four items of the elements(earth, fire, water, air. Very creative.), which you do. He uses them somehow to try and take over the world; again, the creativity here is astounding. you kill him and save your sister. End of story. Wasn't that enthralling? I didn't think so.

I'm not sure what was going on over at southpeak, but for some reason they thought it would be a good idea to make the combat nothing but buttonmashing. All you do is slam the right trigger and hope you win. There's literally nothing else to it.

The voice acting in this game is easily the most laughable i've ever heard, and it doesn't help that the "hero" will constantly make the most observant remarks as you traverse the world. "Wet!" he will cry out as you jump in water. "It's locked." he will say as you attempt to pick a lock. It's ridiculous. Also, when anyone speaks, they use a errible semblance of Ye Olde English. If David Hasslehoff took a shot every time they used a shakespearean word incorrectly, he would be dead by the end of the tutorial. If i didn't know this game was made before the IPhone 4S, i would say they used Siri to record all the voice "acting". There's literally no emotion at all, as if Spock attempted to emulate Shakespeare, but with his inflections all f***ed up. This aspect of the game makes it almost impossible to take anything seriously; not that there's anything else to be taken seriously anyway.

This game's world is massive, approximately twice the size of Oblivion, which is commendable. However, that doesn't mean crap if Oblivion still has four times as many dungeons as you and they're all more interesting and fun. in fact, all it means is you have to waste more time going from place to place. There's not even a proper fast travel system, They use teleporters that are so few and far between it's almost not worth it. I think there's about twelve total teleporters across the entire map.

The user interface in this game is abominable. They have one of those dumb inventory systems where each item takes up a certain number of blocks (i.e. a staff takes up four blocks long, a bow take two rows of three, a dagger takes two, etc.) which are always annoying to manage. It doesn't help that the game takes about ten seconds to switch from the inventory to anything else, such as the map or the magic screen(which are both awful, by the way). The skills are mostly useless, like horseback riding, swimming, etc. Along with those, they managed to make stealth basically useless too. You'll find that you will have a ton of skill points and nothing to do with them, as most of the skills are a waste of time.

This game's difficulty curve is awful. You will go from fighting wolves and bandits to fighting wyverns and trolls and such. It completely catches you off guard, and makes for many unnecessary deaths. This is especially annoying when you can't improve yourself much with your skill points.

Two Worlds has some of the worst Xbox 360 graphics i have ever seen. They belong on a PS1 or PS2, not here. The draw distance is reminiscent of Aquaman: Battle for Atlantis (or superman 64, they're basically the same game), showing you only what is about 40 feet in front of you. The world always looks foggy, making you feel like you're slaying bandits and goblins in the cobblestone streets of London.

Overall, Two worlds just plain sucks. I can't recommend this to anyone, especially if you paid a decent amount for it like me. If you can get it for less than five bucks, go ahead. It's actually enjoyable to play with a friend and laugh at how terrible it is. That's the only enjoyment i got out of it. I suggest you avoid this game like the plague otherwise, for it is easily the biggest dissapointment i have ever had in a game.

And you know what the worst part about this is? It got a sequel.

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