Holiday Special ♥ A Gamer's Valentine's Day

Over the past week, we've seen a lot of smaller gaming sites put up cute little articles about which games to play with your beloved Valentine on February 14.  As most gamers are stereotypically male, these lists are generally made with stereotypes in mind and are thus filled with Wii titles or rhythm games like Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and DDR. 

While I have nothing against Nintendo or the games I named off, I do have an issue with the sentiment behind their use in the Valentine's Day gamer guides.  Yes, why not perpetuate silly little stereotypes.  They're so cute, after all!  No doubt many hold that trademark mental image of a naked chick holding a DS over her crotch or licking a controller.

Yeeeeaah-... no.

Most gamer girls, if they possess an ounce of dignity, don't like being patronised for being female and enjoying video games because it's happened to the majority of us -- and we sure as hell don't like it.  So if you're a clueless gamer dude who happens to be going out with a gamer chick, you may as well be asking her to shove a stylus in your eye if you listen to those other guides and plan Valentine's Day around Mario Kart or Wii Sports.  Instead, how about showing her a little respect as a lover and a gamer by proposing games you wouldn't mind spending hours with?

As such, I've taken it upon myself to compose a list of enjoyable games for those of you who happen to be dating lady gamers.  I come in contact with a lot of women who enjoy a good frag or raid, and this is as much for them as it is for the poor saps rushing to make last minute Valentine's Day preparations for them.  My own experiences cannot be excluded either, so each of these titles have already received my seal of approval as appropriate bonding material.

1.  Team Fortress 2 has to be one of the most entertaining co-op games in the history of the universe.  Class-based gameplay ensures countless ways of gibbing the other guy.  A lot of girls do enjoy multiplayer, and Team Fortress 2 offers your favorite gaming gal lots of options while letting the two of you bond over some co-op fun.  She's got your back, you've got hers -- either way, the other team's going down.

2.  Grand Theft Auto San Andreas was a lot of fun for me and my ex.  GTA San Andreas has a co-op option you can access in each city, and different cities offer a different selection of avatars to choose from.  First player can't choose anyone except the protagonist, and you won't be able to do anything story-related while in two-player mode.  But an army of two can wreak tons and tons of unbelievable havoc.  See how many stars you guys can accumulate with teamwork.

3.  Left 4 Dead is not a complicated shooter and features a likable cast of playable characters.  There aren't too many commands, items, or weapons, so even an inexperienced gamer can pick things up within minutes.  The co-op campaign can get pretty eerie at times, but you're in this together!  Show how much you care by patching each other up when health gets low. 

4.  We ♥ Katamari stands out because it has bright colors, wonky music, and doesn't ask you to kill anything.  When you roll that giant ball over animals and civilians, they're still flailing around, alive and well.  So if the two of you want to keep things rated E, try out We ♥ Katamari, the second Katamari game.  It features both co-op and competitive modes, in which you and your Valentine can play as the Prince or any of his oddly shaped cousins.  Work together by making the biggest katamari you can within the time limit or go head to head by competing over items in an arena.  You can brutally assault each other with your own katamaris too.

5.  Gears of War 2 differs from its predecessor because it actually has a story and a new co-op mode called "Horde Mode."  The two of you can attempt the campaign on a higher difficulty or unite against the Locusts in Horde Mode.  This is also a good way of making sure you don't run into any pesky brats or other bored individuals who may try to harass your girlfriend (or you, for playing Gears with her).  Gears of War 2 is a good choice if she doesn't mind the sardonic dialogue dripping with testosterone.  I know I don't.

6.  World of Warcraft is the most popular pay-to-play MMO on the market right now.  I've all but quit myself, but a lot of girls really dig this game, whether they consider themselves gamers or not.  MMOs in general are pretty appealing to women because of the social interaction and wide customization.  Not to mention a lot of MMOs have special in-game events for every major holiday.  World of Warcraft always has some unique quests during February in celebration of Valentine's Day, and you could always send your lover's toon a rose from Dalaran.

7.  Burnout Revenge happens to be the lastest Burnout title I have in my possession.  I've yet to own Burnout Paradise, but if it's got Burnout in the name, go ahead and try it out with your Valentine.  There isn't any co-op so you'll be racing each other, but the fun part is being able to take your lover's vehicle out in any number of ways.  Ram his/her car into a guardrail or send it spinning with a well-timed nudge from behind.  Take out your pent-up frustrations not on each other but on each other's cars.  If both of you are sore losers, however, y'might want to pass on this one.

8.  Dynasty Warriors has always been straightforward in terms of gameplay, and a lot of female gamers dig the ridiculously pretty boys charging into battle wearing bright garments and wielding gigantic weapons.  Or really cute chicks also dressed in bright garments and wielding unrealistic weapons (flutes, fans, parasols, yadda yadda).  Hack n' slash your way through armies by sticking together and timing your Musou attacks properly.  Just don't hog the health items or someone's going to get hurt.  Oh, Samurai Warriors is a certified substitute.

9.  Soul Calibur IV comes up because like Dynasty Warriors, it sports decent gameplay and a colorful cast that even non-gamers might find appealing.  It's true!  If your girlfriend isn't much of a gamer, she might pick her fighter based on (ugh) cute factor, which will lead to choices like Talim, Cassandra, or Seung Mina.  Honestly, a lot of people, regardless of sex, who don't play games will dabble in fighters because they're everywhere; restaurants or car washes will often have Street Fighter, King of Fighters, or Samurai Shodown machines in waiting areas.  But Soul Calibur IV is a beautiful game, and the custom character feature is just another plus.

10.  Silent Hill 4 is the last Silent Hill game developed by Team Silent.  Okay, so there's no multiplayer mode here, but there's just something unexplainably sexy about it despite the absence of Pyramid Head.  Henry's a cute, unassuming protagonist accompanied by his pretty neighbor with the funny limp, not a wife-killer with hyper-sexual thoughts, whose only companion is either an annoying little girl or a figment of his imagination.  Take turns with the controller if you want to make this a co-op experience.  Otherwise, just treat it like a horror movie and snuggle close for the scary stuff.  Silent Hill 3 is pretty good for that too.

"But what if my girlfriend doesn't like video games?" you ask.

Then turn off the damn console and take her out for a good time.  Outside.  The 3D graphics are incredible, and the sky is so beautifully rendered.  You know what, even if your woman is a bonafide gamer, she still deserves a good steak dinner on Valentine's Day.  Flowers are always nice.

Best Valentine's Day cards EVER at Nuts n' Beavers