So as some of you know recently i've dug out an old hard drive from 2002 (I was 21) brought the exact same HD from ebay and swapped it all over to get it up and running again.
Now i'm wishing I hadn't bothered, sure it was fun at first, found all this music I lost years ago and pictures of friends that I barely see anymore. But then I came across something that I wish i hadn't
Basically i've always saved my Msn logs and out of curiosity I went looking through them and there it was. A 9 month log of conversation with a girl i had the most *bleep*ed up relationship with.
I spent a good 2 hours or so reading through this, I laughed at some bits, some bits were shockingly sexual and some were really sad.
It was like spending 2 hours living like I was 8 years ago and i came to realise that I was *bleep*ing messed up, I was drinking every day, taking anti d's and smoking far too much weed for my own good and what I had become was a selfish, unrational, implusive and paranoid persona and apparently the person that got the brunt of all this was my GF at the time.
If i'm honest when I finished reading it I had tears down my face, I just couldnt believe what kind of person i was and how i reacted to every situation that was presented infront of me.
And now 6 years after this *bleep* up a relationship ended I feel very very depressed over the whole thing and wish i hadn't dug up all this shit in the first place.
At least the one good about all this is that I realised that I really have changed for the better, there is very few character trats I had back then that I process now.