Hey everyone this is Kingy! I don't normally do blog posts, but I felt this was something I needed to talk about. Some people may wonder where my happiness comes from. Is it all just a joke? Do I do a lot of drugs? Haha, am I just flat out lying to y'all? Fortunately, no, it's all genuine. I've never done any sort of drug in my life and I wouldn't lie about my own happiness. When I say I'm "so damn happy"...I mean it!

First off, let's look at the word happy. What is happiness to you? What makes you happy?

With those questions asked, then tell me: what makes you unhappy? What brings you out of unhappiness?

All of us may have different answers. For me, it's a rather simple one: myself!

"If you want to be happy, be." - Leo Tolstoy

Tolstoy was a Russian writer who wrote novels and short stories, but little did he know, he gave the human race a golden source of information with that simple quote. Could it really be that simple? If we want to be happy, all we have to do is convince ourselves that we are? Well, I could argue this with a whole onslaught of research, quotes and scientific findings, but I'm going to expand on this a different way today. How about a story of personal experience?

The story starts way back in 1990 when I was born. My biological father left my mother even before that day came. So my whole life, I've been pretty much raised on my mom's side. My mom finally married a guy about four years later, and he became my first real father figure in my life.

A couple of years later, my mom had my younger brother. He was freaking awesome and always made us laugh each and every day. I could ramble endlessly on this kid.

At school, I had friends out the wazoo. I was one of the most popular kids in my grade, simply because I wasn't afraid of making friends and had connections with everyone. It was awesome!

Fast forward about four years in the future: my parents get divorced. I never forgot that day my step dad drove away for the final time from our house while my mom was screaming at me to get in the house. I didn't want to see my fun loving, super cool dad leave us. But the situation was out of my control of course, and I had no choice but to let him go.

Since the house we lived in belonged to his name, we had to move across town so he could move back into the house. In 2000, we made the move. But as the years went by, me and my brother occasionally went and saw my step dad on weekends at our hold house, and he was the same dad we always knew him as...or at least at first he was. Further on down the line, he started to change.

It became pretty obvious three or four years after the divorce that my step dad didn't want anything to do with me, even though he still loved my brother just as much as always. This never made me jealous of my brother, but just confused. Was there something wrong with me? I loved my dad and wanted more than anything to see out family back together. What did I do?

Even further on down the line, my dad started acting really strange. When I was over at his house on the weekend, I was forced to make me and my brother dinner because he would shut himself up in his room and not come out. Other times we'd find him passed out in the middle of the kitchen, thinking he was just playing a joke on us.

Finally, unexpectedly, in 2004 my step dad committed suicide, sending an almighty rippled through all of us. Words cannot describe how devastated my poor brother was. We all felt worst for him because of how close he was to his dad. We were shook up for a very long time.

In 2005, we moved back to our old house, where we had lived in the bright beginning. At this point, my mom was already dating another guy. He was nice, and treated her well, although he wasn't much of a father figure for us. Overall, though, he checked out.

You'd imagine it would be a bit weird living in the same house your own step dad passed away in. For years, strange things happened around the place, and we were pretty convinced the house was haunted by his spirit. I'm no expert in the paranormal and I honestly think 9/10 of all hauntings are a bunch of crap, but you couldn't deny the stuff. I even posted about the weird things on Neoseeker, and of course people thought I was crazy.

Because I had moved back in forth, and my home life was very odd, I didn't have hardly any friends. I was always the super smart kid who was also really shy, and when I talked, people liked to pick on me and the words I used. I never really understood why people were always so mean to me. Even the few friends I made were manipulative and tried to get me to get in trouble, to which I always tried to avoid.

For several years, my life was very lonely. But in 2006, the 10th summer I joined a soccer team, I made a bunch of friends. Most of them were girls, but they were all awesome and we had a lot of fun together.

As the years went by, however, I noticed how these friends too tried to get me to do things I didn't want to do. At this point, some of them were rather serious, and I could have been arrested for some of those things. By 2009, my senior year of high school, I had lost more than twenty friends. I still wanted to be their friends very much, but apparently I was too much of a "goody goody" for them. When all I was doing was just trying to avoid trouble.

For eight years of my life, since my parents had divorced and we moved, I never knew friendship all that well. Hell, I didn't even know family that well, because we were all so broken up. My biological dad had nothing to do with me, my step dad died, my current step dad was my polar opposite...what was going on?

I went through a serious bout of depression in my late years of high school, by a mixture of sleep deprivation, friend difficulties and future uncertainties. I remember drawing myself "be happy" notes and smiley faces, just to cheer myself up. But none of them really worked, because I didn't believe I was happy. I had so many reasons to be sad and angry, so how on earth could I be happy?

The last day of high school hit, and I was graduation tomorrow. I was 18 years old and was finally leaving high school forever. I was planning to go to college in the fall, even though I had no idea what I wanted to do or where I was going. I was just plain lost. As I was there, helping my teacher in my last class of the day moving some things, the only thought on my mind was unease. I didn't want to leave this school and be thrust into the real world. I wasn't ready. I didn't even have any friends with me to make the experience more bearable, because I had almost none of them left.

Everything completely changed in that class, however. A certain girl came up to me and wanted to sign my yearbook. I had known her sort of, and she was quite pretty. I had no idea why she wanted to walk all the way over here and talk to me out of the blue, but I decided to just roll with it. After she walked away, I noticed she had put down her phone number, thanked me for helping her pick up her papers earlier, and wanted to hang out that summer. Really? Her? I didn't know what to think...

Graduation hit. Woohoo, I got my diploma. But who gave a shit: I had to find this girl! Finally, after much searching, I came across her, and we talked a bit. She gave me a hug and asked me if I was coming to "Grad Night".

Hell no I wasn't going to grad night. I was planning on going home and playing video games for the night.

But as though someone invisible was standing there right next to me, I heard him whisper in my ear loud and clearly, "Do it".

So, I went to grad night. Grad night ended up being the greatest night I had ever experienced in memory. People there were actually kind of surprised I was there. They were even more surprised when they saw me hanging out with the girl. The feeling of involvement was there again just like it had been back in the 90s.

I dated this girl for a few surreal and ecstatic months, but she eventually got really involved with a beauty pageant and we stopped seeing each other because she had to keep taking these trips and we just didn't work out anymore. It was a complicated mess. But the emptiness wasn't felt for long: the week before college was about to commence.

This is where everything changed. After an inspiring assembly, I came across two of my old friends from way back in the day. We hadn't hung out together in probably a decade. But like we had just seen each other yesterday, we bumped fists and decided to start hanging out together again.

This time I knew with 100% certainty that these were my real friends. College had brought us all together.

I made more friends in my first year of college than I made for the past nine years combined. I had a new, crazy feeling that I was going to finally step out of my comfort zone and be happy. I had been presented with an opportunity. Sure, I had been through a lot of crap and had no idea where I was going with college, but I wanted to at least be happy. I wanted to make tons of friends just like I did in the old days.

It was New Year's Eve of 2009. I had found this girl on Facebook, which I had just signed up for, who was related to one of my long-time best friends I had reunited with after that assembly. I decided to friend her out of the blue. She accepted.

Valentines weekend of 2010. Me and a very best friends were staying with my friend's family down in Vegas, who also happened to be the same family this girl was a part of. One of my friends was meeting up his girlfriend down there. They had already been down there a few times before but I had never gone until now. They took me along because I finally had a reason to go: I was going to meet this girl!

To make a long story short, it was the absolute greatest weekend of my entire life. All the regret of my life I had felt before that weekend was blasted away, and what was left was a whole new me. Me and this girl dated for many months. After we broke up, though, we were still great friends and even to this day, we still talk to each other on a regular basis.

But even though I had all this new found happiness, I was still a fool and had much to learn. Little did I know, the darkest period of my life had still yet to come.

In spring of 2011, I experienced an extreme mind difficulty that almost made me lose touch with who I was and what was real. My mind was a constant mess. I had quit college, because I had no idea what I wanted to do, so I was just working for a while, hoping for an opportunity somewhere to give me a reason to go back.

Through 2011, and the winter of 2012, the mind difficulty remained, stronger than ever. New joys and experiences tried to hammer their way into my life, but that same mind block prevented me from feeling their full effects. For the first time in my life, I seriously contemplated suicide. The mental trauma was just far too much for me to handle.

I was at absolute rock bottom. Reality was slipping away from me like I was sliding down a slippery rope, unable to hold my grasp. I was doomed.

It was summer of 2012. Somewhere, locked away but finally breaking free, came a NO. I was NOT going to end my life this way. I had amazing friends! I had a family that loved me! I had a healthy body and the ability to work! I had music and movies and quotes and videos and talks that inspired me! There were green leaves on the trees! Beautiful oceans of blue and green! Sunny mountains and peaceful valleys! Warm sunshine! The world was still so awesome! This is a FACT and I am going to believe it!

It was a period of my time that transcended all other moments of my life. I wasn't going to let my own mind keep me down. I wasn't going to die, and my life could turn out great if I believed it could. If I stopped worrying about myself, I could look toward the future, work hard and get where I needed to go. I was the own master of my happiness, and no matter what situation hit me, there was always going to be far too many reasons to be happy than not.

In August of 2012, I posted a certain picture of myself after a fun night with my friends and girlfriend. Shorty after, some friends of mine on here took the picture and attached the line "So Damn Happy". They even tried to make a meme out of me, which was a bit much, but it was a lot of fun and I didn't care.

Now, in 2013, I have finally won. I still have much to learn, and more difficulties will undoubtedly arise in my life that will shake my happiness, but I now know for a surety that happiness starts with YOU. There are many amazing things out there that help influence you and inspire you, but it's up to YOU to make the connection and find that happiness you have been longing for. We are all a part of a changing world full of iniquity and violence, but the force of good within us will always be stronger, and that is expressed in countless ways every day.

If you were to ask me the most important decision I have ever made in my life, I wouldn't say it was going to grad night, friending certain people on facebook, going to college or any other instance that caused me to jump out of my comfort zone.

I would say the most important decision I ever made was that I was happy.

So what's stopping you from being so damn happy? You can do it! I gave testimony that I could.

Here's a song lyric I will leave you with:

Go for it
Run toward it
Dive in head first
Live life with no regret
Put your heart out there
Don't be scared you might get hurt
But it's all worth it in the end
Because the best is yet to come


:)


musingsthoughts

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