Hello, stupid human/alien/mutant/badger/other (please specify here).

I know you're reading this; you have to be reading this if you're reading this and if you aren't reading this then you haven't just read this and therefore you cannot say I was wrong about you reading this when you weren't reading this because you never read that I said you were reading this. Yeah. By now, you're probably thinking 'WTF! LOLZ U R SUX OMFG HAHA IM TEH r0x0rz LOLZLOLLOLOLZ111! UR GEY STOOPI UR w00t HAH I IZ l33t111!' and if that is the case then you are a n00b and you will die a slow, painful death indirectly at my hands.

You see, I am an evil (oh goth am I evil) genius, mastermind, enslaver-of-the-human-race-among-others thingy, gothic badger. I will rule you all. And unlike all of those other losers out there I actually mean it and I won't get jailed in the process. Join me or fact you'll probably die either way, so if you join me at least you'll have fun in the process.

When I become the ultimate, evil, controller person-thingy of the world (Thursday week) you will all become subject to the following laws and things I will do! Members of my army (other bad-guys/girls of a similar fashion) will get special advantages, however, whereas superheroes (ACTION MAN!!!!) will be killed several times in several different, equally killy ways.

1) All pop music 'artists', shit bands and shit musicians in general will be publicly sporked to death in the opening ceremony for the Winter Olympics. This includes you, Good Charlotte!
2) Everyone will know me as Gamesprite, Mistress (Sado-Masochism is good), your Gothicness or Please Stop Hurting Me Oh God Why Are You Doing This To Me You Will Burn In Hell You Soulless Bitch.
3) I intend to freeze hell over during my life-long reign, which won't actually be very long since I want to die before I get old...before I get unsexy.
4) President Bush will be set alight and an innocent bystander will point and laugh saying "Hey look; a burning Bush!"
5) It will be compulsory for all puny mortals to serve at least one year of prostitution (Het, Gay, preferably Lesbian, Both, Animals, whatever) if they want to live.
6) Pawnography will be compulsory in every household and everyone must meet the wanking quotas.
7) All shit shows get nuked if they fail to impress, along with the actors, writers and producers of shit movies. I only mean bad shit stuff, not shit in a funny way. Those stay.
8) Anyone who disses Greenday, Linkin Park, Nirvana, Metallica, Evanescence (Amy Lee=Hooooot) or The Distillers (Mmmm...Brody) is hereby considered a traitor and will be castrated or in the case of women burned at a steak to be served at tea.
9) Americans will no longer be allowed to voice opinions! NO ONE CARES! I'm gonna shut you the feck up!
10) Sweden is to be recognised universally (or globally) as the coolest country in the world. We would all be much better off if we were all Swedish (like I partially am).
11) All religions other than Atheism, Anarchism, Gamespritismynumberoneianity, Kamikaze_Davevlaadrocksmysocksam and Lesbianism are banned on penalty of a free field goal to the opposition.
12) I will destroy Action Man, along with any other mother *bleep*wit who gets in my way. Just ask the Power Rangers...
13) The use of the words 'gay', 'dyke', 'fag', 'homo', 'queer' etc as derogatory terms is punishable by a brutal spanking. Instead, people are encouraged to use words like 'feckhets', 'straightholes', 'slutrapers' (that's gonna be the name of my band now) and so forth.
14) The only cars people are allowed to possess are pimpmobiles, fully sick cars and DSVs (Definite Sex Vehicles). The regular use of skateboards, skates, bikes, street kayaks etc to get around is otherwise compulsory.
15) Once people are too old to work, drive or do anything else besides annoy people they will be shut on. And probably sent into slavery after that.
16) Anorexia/Bulemia is to be deemed a crime as it destroys chicks' boobs.
17) Obesity is also getting outlawed because it makes chicks ugly.
18) Ugly people are required to get surgery by the time they enter college so that they aren't so ugly.
19) The subjects taught at school will be Metal, Drugs and How To Buy Them Cheap, REAL Punk, REAL Hip-Hop, Extreme Sport, Sex, Lunch, Sleeping, Angsty Song-Writing, TV/Movies, Video Games and How To Cheat In Real Life!
20) The woman on the Australian Pensioners Insurance Agency ad and the woman on the Chrisco ad will be captured, set free in the wild and then hunted for sport by a team of enraged eskimos.
21) Country music stars have the option of converting to rock or being dumped naked into the middle of Antarctica.
22) Every Friday, each house will be visited and the residents given the option of "CAKE OR DEATH?!!"
23) Alcoholism is compulsory. Hot Asian chicks are required to get totally wasted at least once a week at my Big Dark Yet Kinda Shiny Castle/Palace/Palestine of Doom. The more drunk they get (or specifically the gayer they get), the better their lives will be.
24) The same will apply to hot Hispanic chicks if I move to the Americas.
25) Dave, Dion, Harry and Dan each get a country of their choice to exploit and mutilate.
26) Anyone who is allergic to cats is on my list.
27) The posh bitch girls at my school who only talk to me when they have something to criticize and annoy me about must die.
28) Ms Morgan, Ms Roser, Mr Loots and Ms Farrel will be murdered by a few certain classmates of mine who despise them in anyway they wish.
29) Any country with problems will get blown up. I can't be stuffed to make anything better.
30) WWII never happened; it was just an anti-Bush movie made by Michael Moore.
31) Vegetarians are all pansies. They will be forced to eat meat and heavily inebriated to ensure no revolution or revultion.
32) The Man Show will be brought back to air, along with Buffy, Popular, Jackass and (rrrrrrrow) Xena.
33) N00bspeak, l33tspeak, txt tlk along with anyone who partakes in it will be tortured and slapped the hell upside to the head until they stop being fecking shittwits.
34) Murder will no longer be illegal. If people are having fights, issues, problems then they can go ahead and deal about it however they want, aight?
35) It will be globally accepted truth that badgers are the highest form of evolution and have intelligence far surpassing that of several humans combined.
37) The number thirty-six will no longer exist.
38) Every country will operate under the metric system on Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Saturdays and Sundays and the Imperial System on Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays.
39) Witchcraft and other cult rituals will only be allowed to continue if they involve really cool stuff like in the movies.
40) The late Latin language will be entirely replaced with Pig-Latin.
41) The Mets must die.
42) Access to all Grand Theft Autos and Final Fantasies is legally required in every household.

(Will be updated later when I can be bothered to give a damn)


Pop tarts is the favourite food of masterminds! =3

If I weren't such an atheist and completely, utterly psychotic in an evil manner, I would declare myself god right now. I'm also a highly evolved badger so saying otherwise would be just silly. God's a pussy anyway. I can't say anything about Jesus though. Jesus kicks ass.


"She's right. We're a bunch of sickos who somehow found each other."
"And that's the greatest love of all."
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Review: Final Fantasy X-2 - Final Fantastasy

Aug 27, 2004

Like all games of the final fantasy series, the story is immediately absorbing and interesting. I liked the way that the story immediately took place before any information was given, much like in FF7 only better. The graphics and characters in...

Evil ...Deevil! (Not a spelling error)

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