Requiem

Initially only able to utter the words 'drink', 'football' and 'girls', Req soon evolved under the guidance of Neoseeker and can now dress himself and even use the bathroom properly. Sometimes.
What's that noise? Oh, Req's peeing in the corner again. Someone grab the net and capture him. It's not just that we mind, but marking his territory inevitably upsets the rest of the local creatures and mass, frenzied brawls often break out. We stock up on riot gear now.

Later on in life, Req became increasingly involved in 'volleyball'. In fact, he became very good at it, beating everyone who got in his way, whether they were actually joining in or not. Unsatisfied with his role, however, Req managed to escape from his compound in the zoo and has dissappeared into the night, searching for one who will match his 'volleyball' prowess. Can such a person truly exist?

Recent evidence of Req's existance, a lonely heart's advert:

Wanted: Fun loving female, 18-28, for frolics under the moonlight, sunlight, fridgelight, car headlight or porchlight. If you have a backbone, apply. Must be up for anything. Interest in volleyball a definite advantage.

Req has recently noticed his attractiveness with the females has been going down. What could be causing them to grab the nearest piece of furniture and swinging it wildly at him whilst screaming 'Back, animal, back!'? Perhaps it's due to his pack hunting in the local sewers? Maybe his constant raiding of bins? Whatever the case, several court injunctions later Req has found himself the target of many hate mobs, who will brandish flaming branches and pitchforks as they chase him down the street.
Cruel humanity, can you not take pity of this poor wretch, who honestly believes that vacuuming his walls brings him good luck?