Maple donkey

It's Sunday night, and I feel moderately sick and very bored. To improve my spirits, I set out looking for someone, or something to mock. This is a very mature behavior, where you make yourself feel better by belittling others. My intended target of satire is Gaia online, which I have never had any previous desire to participate in. The site touts the forums, clothes, guilds, and arenas, my first impression is that this is the deformed offspring of MMO's and forums. The front page also includes four low quality avatars wearing a variety of outfits and with speech bubbles. The goth, cheerleader, and guy-with-a-guitar-on-his-back all seem innocuous, but what really stands out is the knight proclaiming his love of Twilight. The developers had to choose four things to say, and they decided one of them should feature Twilight. This is not a good sign.

Leaving common sense behind me, I join the site. I am first tasked with making an avatar, and I decide to make one lacking in all redeeming qualities. This was quite easy, but I felt I had to rise to the challenge and make something that was actually worse than other peoples. My pixelated man combines the magic of a mullet with all black clothes and red eyes, and a mouth vaguely reminiscent of Hitlers.



Next I was prompted to actually register, and the site assures me that while I dislike registering just like everyone else, I will get gold for it. I'm not sure if gold is a symbol of status or a currency, but let me tell you I feel quite special being given some just for registering. I now need a nickname, and after a brief five second period of soul searching I decide on CoOlDo0d277. I think I'm a cool guy, and the unique capitalization shows that I am original and think for myself unlike those posers. I didn't want to include the 277, but the first 276 CoOlDo0d names were taken. When entering my password, I was informed it was one of the best ones in human history, which made me cringe, it did not fit in with my persona. I tried again, and got rated at good, despite the password being extremely obvious and probably vulnerable to anyone with a brain and too much time.

The game next tried to lure me into getting my friends to join or getting my email password, yet again offering the incentive of gold. I am not mean enough to abuse this feature.

I got redirected to the homepage, with a note telling me to confirm my email; I decided to do this and won 200 more gold. I'm rolling in this shit. On a side note, the game was nice enough to include my password in plain text in the confirmation email, which leaves me assured that Gaia has my best interests at heart.


This is where I stop for now, I'm mentally drained. I will probably continue this at some point in the near future, any comments are appreciated seeing as I truly am a whore for praise. (Negative ones are fine too.) As for why I did this, like I said I was very bored.

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slaps Jerk Store around a bit with a large trout
thinks this shit is too much like facebook.

Batman Batman

  • Concord, MA US
  • Joined Nov 22, 2008
  • Male
  • 22 years young

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