3 Day week, *bleep* yeah!
Did you fall from heaven? Because your face is pretty messed up.
Hey girl, how do you like your eggs? Poached, scrambled or fertilized?
121 days until GTA V
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
I'm never wrong. One time, I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
Alcohol must have female hormones in it. When I drink I talk to much and can't drive
A blonde walks into a bar, her brunette friend ducks.
My neighbor knocked on my door at 2am today. He said he can't sleep. I said "It's your lucky day, I happen to be hosting a party, come in"
With great power comes great electricity bill
SO I went to the paper shop, but it had blown away.
I'll tell you what I love doing more than anything: trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.
There's two fish in a tank, and one says ''How do you drive this thing?''
Ballin so hard