Leisure Suit Larry 7 FAQ/Walkthrough v1.0
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Leisure Suit Larry 7 FAQ/Walkthrough

by Thuyker   Updated to v1.0 on
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                   |_____|\__,_||_|   |_|    \__, |/_/  (_)

       \_|)    _          _      |\   _    ,_        ()   _,   o  |\  |
         |    / \_ |  |_ |/      |/  / \_ /  |       /\  / |   |  |/  |
        (\__/ \_/   \/   |_/     |_/ \_/     |/     /(_) \/|_/ |/ |_/ o

A Comprehensive Walkthrough/FAQ by Thuyker
Version 1.0
E-mail: Thuyker AT aol DOT com


   I. Introduction .................................................... kw-int
  II. Frequently Asked Questions ...................................... kw-faq
 III. Walkthrough ..................................................... kw-wth
  IV. Items ........................................................... kw-ite
   V. Characters ...................................................... kw-cha
  VI. Points List ..................................................... kw-pts
 VII. Where's Dildo? .................................................. kw-dil
VIII. Easter Eggs List ................................................ kw-egg
  IX. Guide Information ............................................... kw-inf
        A. Version History
        B. Email information
        C. Credits
        D. Legal Stuff

   To quickly jump to a specific section, click HERE first, then press CTRL-F
   and type in the Keyword.

I. INTRODUCTION                                                          kw-int

Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail! is the final game in the classic adventure
game series from Sierra.  Featuring a brand new interface, excellent voice
acting, and the same brand of raunchy humor that kept gamers eagerly awaiting
each game in the series, it certainly didn't disappoint.  A word of warning to
those planning to use this FAQ/Walkthrough: this game is of an adult nature,
and as such, this walkthrough contains adult material as well.

While the guide is not written in the most "efficient" manner (you will have to
revisit many areas over), I feel that this is for the better.  I wrote the
walkthrough below so that you can see where the game's hints naturally lead
you, rather than writing it so that you have knowledge of what exact actions
you should perform in an area, even though the game hasn't suggested it yet
and even though you have no idea why you're doing what you're doing.  I hope
you like this approach, and most of all, I hope that you have fun!

II. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS                                           kw-faq

Q: What kind of game is Leisure Suit Larry 7?

A: It's a point-and-click adventure game.  Basically, you move ("point") the
   cursor around the screen, and click to perform an action.  What action is
   performed depends on what icon is selected (i.e. "talk," "pick up," etc.)
   By using a combination of these actions and interactions with characters,
   you solve puzzles that allow you to progress further in the game.

Q: Is there nudity in this game?

A: Yes, there are several cartoon-graphic bare breasts in the game, as well as
   several sex scenes.

Q: Should I let my kid play this game?

A: See the above question.  Now, if you're okay with cartoon nudity, this game
   still contains a lot of sexual innuendo, and you may be worried that your
   child may develop the idea that all women are materialistic, etc., as they
   are in this game.  Having said that, I played it as a teenager, and I think
   I'm still pretty normal.  :-)

Q: Where do I find all of the dildos?

A: Please skip down to Section VII (keyword kw-dil) for a complete listing.

Q: Does this game have any hidden Easter Eggs?

A: Yes - eight of them, in fact.  They are listed in the walkthrough as well as
   in Section VIII (keyword kw-egg).

III. WALKTHROUGH                                                         kw-wth

Note: the numbers in parentheses are the points awarded for certain actions.

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | Just when you thought you had found true love, things don't turn out  |
     | quite the way you expected - but then again, they never do in Leisure |
     | Suit Larry games, do they?  The beauty Larry won over at the end of   |
     | "Shape Up or Slip Out!," Shamara, has had a change of heart.  Her     |
     | passion isn't for New Age philosophy any more, but rather, money.     |
     | And so, she leaves you handcuffed to her bed, before leaving with     |
     | your wallet and sticking a cigarette in your mouth.  You're not a big |
     | fan of lung cancer, however, and end up coughing the cigarette on the |
     | bed, which then catches on fire!                                      |

= Shamara's Penthouse =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Don't panic quite just yet...you can't die in this game.  Now that we can relax
a little, take a look around your surroundings.  Look at the left nightstand,
and you will see a pair of "Vice" Grips, which you should pick up (1).  Now,
look over at the right nightstand, and you should see a Lil' Hair Weave Kit,
which you should also pick up (1).  Now, go into your inventory, click on the
kit, and select open, to find a needle (1).  If only we could bend these so
that we could pick the lock!

You can't use your fingers to do so, but fortunately, we have the Vice Grips:
use them on the needle to bend it (1).  Now, exit your inventory screen and
click on the handcuffs, then use your bent needle on them to pick the lock (2).
You'll automatically run to the balcony, but if you try to open the door, you
find that it's melted shut.  So, let's break through the glass!  Click on the
chair and select "throw," but unfortunately, the glass holds up.  Instead, try
the lamp - nope, too heavy.  So, we'll have to do something that's new to the
Leisure Suit Larry games.  Click on the door, then select "other."  This will
bring up a dialog box, asking what you want to do to the glass patio door; we
want to "break" it of course, so type that in (2).

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | You've escaped being burnt to a crisp!  Well, almost...there's still  |
     | the matter of getting down from the 40th floor penthouse.  Before     |
     | jumping, you find a small piece of paper, and then make a leap of     |
     | faith.  Things don't go too great, however, as you bounce off of the  |
     | net, off a Viking woman's tits, and end up with your mouth wrapped    |
     | around a large...cactus.  Fortunately, that piece of paper you picked |
     | up just happens to be a ticket for a cruise ship!  After meeting      |
     | Captain Thygh of the P.M.S. Bouncy, you're given a keycard to your    |
     | cabin.                                                                |

= Purser's Desk =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Shortly after you've been given your cabin room keycard, you'll hear the
announcement that anyone who wants to spend the next week humping the cabin
should report to the lounge immediately!  Of course, that includes us, so let's
make our way over there.  First, though, in the distance shot, look to the
right of the waterfall on the same level as you.  Hidden behind the palm trees
is a red and white striped object - click on it, and you'll see a dildo dance
away!  There are 32 of these hidden throughout the game for you to find as a
play on "Where's Waldo;" fun stuff, huh?  Anyways, to pull up your map of the
ship, either go into your inventory and click on "Map" --> "Look," or right-
click anywhere on the screen and select "Map."   When the map comes up, you'll
see the different stories of the ship - the red area in the second floor from
the top is the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge, so click on it to go there.

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-
-=| Cutscene |=-
     | Peter will explain the "Thygh's Man Trophy Contest," in which the     |
     | prize is not an actual trophy, but a week with the Captain!  To win   |
     | the contest, you will have to compete in a number of events - highest |
     | scorer wins.                                                          |

After everyone has left, look on the floor just a little to the left and below
of where you are standing.  Next to the left chair in the middle row, there is
another red and white striped dildo to click.  Feel free to look around the
room a little more, but there's not much else to do, so walk down towards the
bottom right into the next screen.

You'll see Johnson, the bartender, in a window.  Click on him and talk to him
(2) to bring up a closeup view, as well as a list of available topics.  On the
left side of the window is a little knot in the wood, with something red and
white just barely visible - yup, another "Where's Dildo?"  Order a drink or
talk to him if you wish, but you don't really get anything out of it.  Go ahead
and exit this closeup, walk down one screen, and then click on the door below
the stage to exit the lounge.

= Aft Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Once out on the deck, you should notice a square flashing in the bottom right
of your screen.  That's your cue to Scratch-n-Sniff the appropriate box on the
card that came with your game.  Also, you may see a burly Pirate woman, with
various janitorial equipment as a peg-leg.  Go ahead and talk to her (note, you
can also talk to her anywhere on this level, as she moves around).  After you
introduce yourselves, a dialog box with several conversation topics will come
up.  I'd recommend going through all of them eventually, because she has some
pretty entertaining responses, but there are certain topics you should ask
about in particular, eventually.

Ask Peggy about her peg leg (11), and she'll tell you that combining KZ Jelly
and deodorant spray make for quite an explosive combination.  You can also ask
about "Other," then type in "Captain Thygh" to find out what a little hoochie
mama the captain is!  Go ahead and try other topics, but she doesn't seem to
know much about anything else (at least not yet).

Anyways, once you've finished talking to her, in the top right corner, you
should see a topiary shaped like a dildo - in the pot it's in is yet another
"Where's Dildo."  Now, let's finish exploring the rest of this floor.  Walk
left one screen, in the foreground (you can also go behind the lounge entrance,
but we will go there in just a little while).

= Promenade Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You should now find yourself on the Promenade Deck.  As usual, take a close
look at the various topiaries, especially the beaver one.  That's not a turd
sticking out of his rear end - it's a dildo!  Click on it to claim another
"Where's Dildo?"  Now, take a look at the fire hose cabinet, and then open it
(1) and grab the fire hose (3).  You're done here for now, so walk left one
more screen.

= Fo'c's'le Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

One of the first things you'll notice is the well-endowed sheep topiary, along
with a "Where's Dildo?" in plain sight under it, which you should click on.
My, those are some truly magnificent balls on that sheep - click on them, then
select "take" to grab a pair of kumquats (2).  Talk to Rod, and you'll find out
that he ordinarily entertains children on the ship, although there are none on
this particular cruise.  Continue talking to him as many times as you want, and
he'll make some balloon animals, ranging from eagles to owls.  Interestingly
enough, they all look more like balloon cock-and-balls than wildlife.  Anyways,
once you're done being entertained, let's go check out your cabin.  Pull up
your map, and you'll see that Cabin 0 is all the way at the bottom/rear of the
boat - click on it to head over there.

= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You automatically enter the cabin (2), and find that it's a dark, mildewed hole
fit for rats; we'll just have to make the best of it and work that much harder
to win the competition and get a week's stay with the Captain!  Near your feet
is a bucket, and peeking out from behind it is another "Where's Dildo?" - click
on it.  Look some more around your room.  The toilet isn't working, and seems
to be plugged up.  Underneath the toilet is the clogged drain pipe, with a
spray can sticking out of the end of it.  Click on the can and take it (3) to
unclog the pipe, then try to flush the toilet.  You'll find that the drain pipe
hasn't been connected to a water pipe in 34 years, so let's change that.  The
water pipe is all the way across the room, near the steps, however, so we'll
need to somehow connect the two.  Got any ideas?

Yup, the water hose.  On the water pipe, click "Use" --> "Fire Hose," and you
will automatically connect the hose to the pipe and toilet (9).  Try flushing
the toilet again, and you'll see that it works (2)!  Now we can finally use it:
click on the toilet and select "Other," than type in "piss" (1).  While we're
at it, let's go ahead and take a dump, as well: do the same thing, and type in
"shit" (1).  Various other verbs may work for the above, but you get the idea.
When you're done, take the nearby toilet paper (2), then go into your inventory
and look at it (1).  When you're done, click on yourself and "Use" --> "Toilet
Paper."  It's not Charmin' brand, unfortunately.

By this point, you may have heard the announcement that someone has won a
particular competition.  Don't worry, though, as it wasn't one you were entered
in, and there is no rush to get to the ones that you are in.  You're pretty
free to explore the various areas of the ship right now, but let's go ahead and
check out the dining area, the Heaving Ho'.  Pull up your map and click on the
large blue area one deck below the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.

= The Heaving Ho' =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

The most obvious feature of the room is the large ice sculpture of Captain
Thygh as a mermaid.  Click on it and lick it, if you wish.  For some reason,
you lick her back instead of more..."choice" parts.  Oh well...assembled along
the bottom of the screen is a buffet of various foods.  Most of them look very
appetizing, but in the Greek Salad is another "Where's Dildo?"  One thing that
you can and should eat, however, is the bean dip on the left side of the screen
(4).  Once you've had a few bits, click on yourself and select "fart" (1), then
go ahead and smell your scratch-n-sniff card if you'd like.  Now, click on the
meat carver to the right and look at him to bring up a closeup view of Wang.

In the sausage tray to the right, you'll notice a strange striped one.  Click
on it to find another "Where's Dildo?"  If you try to take such things as the
knife, Wang won't let you.  Talk to him to get a serving of s'Pork, and then a
second time to get another (9).  Out of s'Pork, Wang has to run and get more,
leaving you free to pilfer as you please.  Take the carving knife (3) and the
heat lamp bulb (3), and then exit the closeup.  Walk into the doors on the left
to enter the Kitchen.

= Kitchen =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You'll see even more hanging meat along the right side of the room, and at the
end of one string, another "Where's Dildo?"  Look at the fish heads in the
basket (1), and take the fish wrapped in the magazine (2).  You'll throw the
fish in the trashcan, but keep the magazine.  Go into your inventory and read
the magazine page (5), and you'll obtain a recipe, which you'll need later.
Also make sure to look at the large fish net (1) hanging from the ceiling, and
the pink poodle, Fifi, in the top left corner (1).  Looking around the room
some more, you'll see a pot in the bottom left corner, which you should take
(2), along with a salt shaker you should also nab (2).  Finally, click on the
CaviarMaster 2000 and select "Operate" to squeeze out some fish eggs (1).  That
is about all we can do in here for now, so let's explore the P.M.S. Bounty a
little more.  Pull up your map, and go to the large pink circle, Das Grande

= Das Grande Atriumo  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

This area should look familiar to you - it's where you started right after you
boarded the ship.  Remember how we got out first dildo, behind the palm trees?
Now, there is another one here - can you see it?  It's on the same floor as
you, on the side of the door.  Click it for another "Where's Dildo?" and enter
the aforementioned door.

= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

It turns out that that door took us into the library.  The first thing you will
probably notice is another "Where's Dildo?" on the ground, by the Grandfather
clock - click it and watch it dance away.  Now, look at the stuffed beaver atop
the right shelf (1), and start looking at the books as well.  Certain books you
may want to take a look at, and try to take, is the green one on the right
shelf, about Fokker (2), and the blue one on the bottom shelf, about electro-
magnetism (2).  It's not terribly important that you remember what these two
books say, but keep them in the back of your mind.

Now, walk around the right corner, and you should meet the librarian, Victorian
Principles (3).  A rather long list of topics should pop up, but go ahead and
ask about all of them if you like.  If not, ask about "your book," and you will
find out that she likes books that affirm moral principles - not that racy,
spicy stuff.  Also, choose "check out" and then "pile of books," and you'll
discover that all those books are checked out to her.  Look at the top one, and
you'll see that it's a book called "Prudish and Proud."  In front of the books
is a jar of mucilage, or paste.  She won't let you take it however...unless you
select "other" from the topics and type in something random.  Whatever you type
in, she'll look up for you on her computer, turning her back; quickly steal the
mucilage before she turns back around (5)!  You can also ask her about Captain
Thygh, and she'll tell you that the captain spends all her time in her room.
That's about it for now, so exit and pull out your map.  Head over to the
nearby Poop Deck.

= Poop Deck =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You start off by a tower of champagne glasses, with two blonde in a nearby hot
tub.  Look at them, and you'll meet the Juggs, Nailmi and her daughter,
Wydoncha (3).  Talk to them, especially about the "cruise," and then "heat,"
and you'll learn that silicone lubricant, spandex, and hot lights do NOT mix
well!  Also, you can select "other" and type in such things as "tits," "sex,"
and "hot tub" for more responses, just for fun.  When you're done, say goodbye,
and they'll tell you to catch their show in the lounge later that night.  Pull
out your map, and let's head for the Clothing Optional Pool, on the same deck.

= Clothing Optional Pool  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Was that Ron Jeremy walking by just then?  Anyways, on the ground in the bottom
left corner, partially hidden by the bushes, is another "Where's Dildo?"  Once
you've clicked on it, talk to the cabana steward, Dick, and he'll give you a
loaner swimsuit, shaped like an elephant (2).  You'll then meet the lovely Drew
Baringmore when she accidentally gets sunscreen in her eyes, and you help her
out with a towel.  It seems like Drew is quite the history buff; she even wrote
that book on Fokker, that you read in the library earlier.  You'll then talk to
her about where you got your swimsuit (3), but she seems a little disappointed.

Anyways, a list of topics should come up.  Ask about "clothing," and Drew will
tell you that she has her cabin boy lock up her suitcase.  She'll also order a
"gigantic erection" cocktail from the waiter.  If you choose "your book," she
will just hand it over, as she's all done with it (11)!  Ask about Fokker (13),
and you'll discuss him for a little bit, while the camera slowly pans down...
DAMN, she makes you keep your eyes on her eyes.  Continue asking about Fokker-
related topics, until you can ask her "my place?" and "you can't?"  Remember
the cabin boy she told you about?  Well, she can't walk around the ship without
any clothes, so you'll have to find him to get her dressed, before she can come
back to your place.

Once you've finished talking to her about everything, don't say "goodbye" quite
just yet?  See that pesky branch covering her breasts?  Click on it, and choose
"other," then type in "push."  Wow...you can thank me later, horn dog.  By the
way, if you had actually taken your eyes off Drew's tits, you might've noticed
a little Easter Egg flashing in the top left corner.  There are a few more in
the game, and I'll definitely point them out to you.  We're about done here for
now, though, so say bye to Drew.  After you exit out of the closeup, take the
Persons Magazine sitting on the table, and you'll read an article about the
Juggs (3).

Go into your inventory, and look at the book that Drew just gave you.  Sound
like anything a certain someone might like?  Even though Victorian said that
she didn't like spicy books, you could almost smell the estrogen in the air as
she talked about them.  Let's go pay her another visit: pull out your map and
click on the library again.

= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Walk around the right corner, and you'll see Victorian put down her "Prudish
and Proud" book.  If you try to click on her and "Use" --> "The Erotic
Adventures of Hercules," she won't accept it, so we'll have to try to find a
sneakier way to get her to read it.  Remember how we got the mucilage?  Select
"other" and then type some random word in.  While she's turned around, quickly
take "Prudish and Proud" (6), then go into your inventory and click on it and
remove the book jacket (4).  Now, use the book jacket with "The Erotic
Adventures of Hercules." (14)  By this point, Victorian may have finished
looking up your word on the computer, so simply select "other" again and type
in a different one.  You can also ask her about Drew Baringmore, by the way,
but she won't turn her back for this one.

While her back is turned once again, click on the pile of books, and select
"Use" --> "'Erotic' Book in 'Prudish' Jacket." (2)  Now, as we saw earlier,
Victorian reads while noone is there, so let's go ahead and leave for awhile so
that she can be alone with her book.  Say "goodbye," then pull out your map and
head back to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

While we're here, remember what the Juggs told us while they were in the hot
tub?  They were going to perform on this very stage, tonight!  And remember
what they told us about the prison performance fiasco?  That hot lights,
spandex, and silicone lubricant do not mix well.  Well, we know that the Juggs
always wear spandex, so that's taken care of.  We happen to have some silicone
lubricant from our cabin's drain pipe, in addition to the heat lamp from The
Heaving Ho'!  All we need to do is somehow get all three of these things to mix
again.  Walk down one screen, and look above deck at the mast - you'll see that
the spotlight for the stage is mounted on it.  Also, if you try to go through
the green door, Johnson won't let you in, because it's the Juggs' private
dressing room.

Remember our conversation with Drew, when she mentioned the Gigantic Erections
she likes so much?  Go over and talk to Johnson again.  You should now notice
some new topics.  Select "Lime juice," and you'll get a glass of it (12) after
you outwit him.  Now, order a "Gigantic Erection," and he'll go to make you one
(11).  They take a while to make, so now's your chance!  Exit the screen and go
through the green door.

Once in the dressing room, take a look around.  In the bottom left corner, near
the bales of hay, is another "Where's Dildo?" for you to click on.  Now, recall
some more things people have told you.  On the dressing table is a can of spray
deodorant, which Peggy told us could make explosives.  Sounds useful, right?
In addition, the can of silicone lubricant we want the Juggs to spread all over
themselves looks exactly the same!  So, kill two birds with one stone, by
clicking on the deodorant, and selecting "Use" --> "Silicone Lubricant" to
switch the two cans (12).  Go ahead and play the karaoke machine on the back
shelf if you wish, but make sure to press the red button to the right (4).

Leave the dressing room, and Johnson will be ready with your drink.  You should
have notice that the crow's nest on the mast has lowered, and the spotlight is
now reachable.  Look at the lighting truss to bring up a closeup view, then
take the spotlight bulb (5).  Click on the empty socket and use your heat lamp
bulb (5), then exit the closeup view and talk to Johnson to order another
Gigantic Erection.  Once he leaves again, exit the screen and reenter the
dressing room.  Push the red button a second time (4), and you're through here.
Exit the room, get your drink, then walk down one screen and through the door.

= Aft Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If Peggy isn't here, walk to the Promenade Deck to find her.  Talk to her, and
ask about the "cabin boy." (11)  She'll tell you that one named something along
the lines of "X-squats" is always down in the break room.  We'll have to find
him later, so that we can get Drew's suitcase of clothes.  For now, though,
let's head back into the lounge, to see if the Juggs' are ready to perform yet.

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | As you enter, you'll see that the Juggs are already performing!  Once |
     | their current song ends, they decide to do a little special, and ask  |
     | for a volunteer.  You oblige, of course, and once onstage, the mix of |
     | the heat, silicone, and spandex gets the women all hot and bothered.  |
     | Pretty soon, clothes are being ripped off, body parts are entangling, |
     | and tongues are a-licking!  When it's all over, you head back to your |
     | room, but not before being photographed nude by a group of tourists.  |
     | (20)                                                                  |

= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Back in your room, click on a new "Where's Dildo?" hiding behind the toilet.
We should probably go check on Victorian, so pull out your map and head back to
the library.

= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

How about another easter egg?  This is a pretty obscure one, but well worth the
reward.  I'll give you a hint: look at the magazine page you got from the
kitchen, and look at the ingredients you need.  Beaver milk?  Now, how in the
world would you get a thing like that?  Well, there's that beaver on the right
shelf, so click on it, select "other," and type in "milk," to try to milk the
poor thing.  While you don't get any, you should see another easter egg flash
in the top left corner of the screen.  We'll check out the reward later, but
for now, walk around the right corner to see Victorian.

Only now, it's not Victorian anymore, but "Vicki."  It seems like our uptight
little librarian has made quite the transformation, and for the better, I think
you'll agree.  Anyways, there's another "Where's Dildo?" for you to click, on
the right side behind the pineapple and bananas.  Also, look at the computer
screen (1) to see that she's playing Leisure Suit Larry 6.  So, are you ready
for another easter egg?  This one will allow you to see Vicki nude!  Press
and hold "Control" on your keyboard, then click on the leftmost guy on her
computer screen - if you did it right, you should see the easter egg flash.

Now, go ahead and start talking to Vicki about the various topics, but save
"the weather" for last.  Once you select it:

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | Vicki loses control and throws you onto the floor, before ripping all |
     | your clothes off.  While most of the action takes place behind the    |
     | desk, you do get to see her for a little while, at least if you got   |
     | the easter egg I told you about above.  Once you're done, she loans   |
     | you a book jacket to get back to your room - unfortunately, it rips   |
     | and an old woman sees you in all your glory.  (20)                    |

= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Once you're back in your room, click on another "Where's Dildo?" in the bottom
left corner, in between the black and red pipes.  Now, if you're anything like
me, you're probably horny again.  Pull up your map, and let's go back to the
library and try to get some more action from Vicki.

= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Go back around the right corner, and talk to Vicki about "sex."  She'll tell
you that she's been reading up, and is now the most sexually-knowledgeable
person on the ship.  Unfortunately, she's not going to prove it with you, and
if you ask her to "prove it," she'll challenge you to find a way to do so.
Keep that in mind for now, and say "goodbye."  Remember how you milked that
poor beaver, earlier?  Let's go see what that accomplished - pull out your map
and head back to the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Wow, this place is still a mess from that performance with the Juggs.  Walk up
onto the stage, and on the right side, you should see a long, rope-like object.
Click on it, and take the clothing chase lights (5).  Now, while still on the
stage, walk left one screen, and another view should come up.  Right in front
of you will be a remote control, which you should grab (5).  Turn it on (1),
and you will see that it controls the chase lights you picked up just a little
while ago.  Click on the mixer equipment that the remote control was on, and
select "other," then type in "feel."  Another easter egg, and you obtained some
ear plugs as well!

Exit the area, go down the stage steps, and down one screen.  Talk to Johnson
and order another Gigantic Erection, and then, you guessed it, sneak off and
enter the Juggs' dressing room.  Isn't it a little dangerous to be spraying
hair spray butt-nekkid?  It's nice to know the Juggs' are natural blondes,
though.  Anyways, you only get to see this scene once, so you'll have to
restore an earlier game if you want to see it again.  Why milking the beaver
unlocked this, I have no idea!  At any rate, we've had a pretty good cruise so
far, but maybe we should check out the Thygh Man Trophy contest - after all, we
still want to get with the Captain, don't we?

Go into your inventory and look at your TMT Scorecard.  Clicking on any of the
events will take you there.  Let's try the LoveMaster 2000 competition, that
looks interesting.

= LoveMaster 2000 Competition =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Upon entering, you see four booths, and it looks like you're going to get your
sexual prowess tested - great!  After you click on the "Where's Dildo?" peeking
out of the far right booth, walk to the machine on the left.  Click on it, then
select "Use" --> "TMT Scorecard" (2) to enter the booth and take the test.  A
score of "two" isn't going to get you very far (check out the mermaid to the
right)!  Go ahead and push the green button to the right of the booths (4), and
since you're not ready to "perform" again, pull out your map.  Do you know of
anyone who might be able to tame the LoveMaster 2000?  The most sexually-
knowledgeable person on the ship, perhaps?  Go to the library.

= Library =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Walk around the right corner to Vicki, and select "LoveMaster 2000" (6).  She
accepts your challenge, and the two of you automatically head over there.  Too
bad we don't get to see very much, but Vicki scores a perfect 1000 on your TMT
scorecard, making you the winner (25)!  Now, let's get back and try to tie up
some other loose ends.  Remember how Peggy told us that Drew's cabin boy hangs
out in the employee break room?  Pull out your map and head over there (it's
near the Das Grande Atriumo and the casino.

= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You'll notice a large poster of Captain Thygh, as well as smaller ones of past
TMT Contest winners.  Even more noticeable are the security lasers right in
front of your face, but don't worry - we can't die in this game, remember?  Go
ahead and walk right through them, and ignore all the weapons that pop out.
Click on the door and select "open," and the game will give you a hint on how
to do so.  Notice the all capital letters in a certain word?  Click on the door
and select "other" --> "push" (9) to enter.

Under the Foosball table to the right is another "Where's Dildo?"  Look at the
counter ahead, and take the KZ Brand Jelly next to the sink (4).  Just above
the microwave is a red wire-like object.  Click on it and take the jumper wire
from the jackpot preventer (4), then read the bulletin board until you've read
the message about the shaved dice (2), and the message that Peggy's prints are
ready (1).  The message said something about shaved dice being deposited in the
bowl, but if you look at it, there's none in there - we'll have to make our own
when we have the chance.

Well, it looks like the cabin boy isn't here, so let's go explore the ship some
more.  Pull out your map, and go to the nearby El Replicant Sculpture Garden.

= El Replicant Sculpture Garden =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

To your left, near the David statue's foot, is another "Where's Dildo?" - you
should have about 22 by now.  Look at the Venus statue, under the scaffolding,
and a closeup of her foot should appear.  You can see that the toe hasn't been
completely glued yet, so take a pair of dice (8) - unfortunately, the whole
thing collapses, so maybe we should get out of here before the sculptor goes
crazy on us.  Before we leave, however, look in the top left and right corners.
Strange, there appears to be metal spikes sticking out of the ceiling!  Now,
maybe we should go compete in some of the other events we're entered in.  Look
at your TMT Scorecard, and click on Poop Deck Horseshoes.

= Poop Deck Horseshoes Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Before we begin, look in the far court, and you should see another "Where's
Dildo?", on the stake, for you to click on.  Now, click on the centaur's ass
crack and use your TMT Scorecard (2).  Click on the stake and "play," but your
horseshoes won't come anywhere close, no matter how many times you try.  Looks
like we'll have to cheat again. Take a close look at the horseshoe stake, and
you'll see that someone drove the steel stake right through the ship's deck.
Remember that spike we saw sticking out of the El Replicant Sculpture Garden
Ceiling?  That's gotta belong to this stake, but what good does that do us?

Think back even further...have you read any good books lately?  No, not "The
Erotic Adventures of Hercules."  There was a book about Electromagnetism in the
Library, which said something about wrapping wire around a metal bar and
applying electricity would create an electromagnet.  This, of course, would be
powerful enough to get our horseshoes to stick!  Pull out your map and head
back to the El Replicant Sculpture Garden.

= El Replicant Sculpture Garden =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Back in the garden, you'll notice that the sculptor, Bob Bitt, is now gone, so
climb up the scaffold (1).  Up top, his toolbox is still there, so grab the
screwdriver sitting right on top (4).  Now, back to the reason we came here:
click on the steel spike, and select "Use" --> "Battery Powered Chase Lights
(14), then click on the spike again and "Use" --> "Remote control" (1) to turn
them on.  Your electromagnet is now ready, so pull out your TMT scorecard and
head back to the Poop Deck Horseshoes competition.

= Poop Deck Horseshoes Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Use your TMT scorecard on the centaur again, then click on the stake and choose
"play."  Oops, you missed again - for some reason, you need to turn on the
remote control again, so do so (5).  Now, click on the stake and play again,
and you should win, with a perfect score (25)!  Congratulations...now let's see
if your luck holds up in the other competitions.  Look at your scorecard, and
go to the Craps Tournament.

= Pair o' Dice Casino =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You start in the top right corner.  At one of the blackjack tables a floor
below is sitting another "Where's Dildo?"  Click on it, and pay attention when
the waitress takes some orders.  Notice that the people crowded around the
Craps table aren't too happy when someone orders some bean dip.  Remember what
the Employees Only area bulletin board said?  About shaved dice?  While you
don't have any sand paper, you do have toilet paper that "is as rough as a
cob!"  Use the toilet paper on the souvenir dice (11), and you'll have a pair
of shaved dice.

Unfortunately, the table is too full for you to play, so you're going to have
to think of a way to clear the table (if not the air).  Got any ideas?  Clear
the air?  Head back to the Heaving Ho'.

= The Heaving Ho' =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You may not have noticed it earlier, but there is a door way in the back of the
room.  It's locked, but if you listen at the door, you'll hear slurping noises.
Also, the posters on either side advertise some pretty decadent going-ons
behind the door.  Let's worry about that later, though.  Go back to the buffet
and eat some bean dip, then head back to the casino.

= Pair o' Dice Casino =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Walk back over to the table, then click on yourself and let one loose (11).
Your fart gets rid of the crowd, so click on the table and play.  The game will
move into a closeup view, in which you should click on the table and select
play again.  Now, you have the pair of legal dice that the Croupier gave you,
but instead of using them, click on the table and select "Use" --> "Shaved
Dice" (6).  You'll automatically roll and win a few times, before a woman named
Dewmi Moore decides to invite you back to her cabin for a game of "Strip Liars
Dice." (27)

= Cabin 510 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You might want to save your game here, as this game can be pretty difficult to
win.  Unfortunately, I don't have much of a strategy for winning, other than to
be a sneaky cheat, and save whenever you win, restore whenever you lose.  You
should definitely click on the "how to play" button to figure out the game
basics, but other than that, just keep trying!  Good luck!

After you've won all her money, she'll start "selling" her clothes, in order to
get more money to buy die with.  First, she'll sell her shoe, then her blouse,
then her skirt.  Note that some of the clothing she sells is worth quite a bit
more money, so you'll have to beat her a couple of times before she has to sell
something else off.  After the skirt comes one earring, then the other (I know,
I know, it's not fair!), and finally her panties!  Damn, I wish there was a way
to move that cup.  Afterwards, she doesn't buy her die back, and after she has
lost all of them, you've won (23)!

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | Just as she's about to take off her bra, she offers you a drink,      |
     | which you accept.  She slipped a little green pill in your beverage,  |
     | however, and you end up having one big acid-trip of a dream, complete |
     | with dancing condoms and Pegleg Peggy.  When you wake up, you're in   |
     | Dewmi's fountain, and once again have to make your way back to your   |
     | room naked.  Of course, you don't quite make it unseen, but the nun   |
     | actually seems to like what she sees!                                 |

= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Back in your room, you'll hear the announcement that you won the Craps
Tournament, but there's not much else to do here right now, so pull out your
map and head back to Cabin 510 (Dewmi's place).

= Cabin 510 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

On a table in the top left corner, there is a golden tray with a half-empty
bottle of powder: take it to get the Orgasmic Powder (4).  Too bad Dewmi isn't
here, we never did get to see what was underneath her bra.  Oh well, pull up
your map and go back to the Promenade Deck.

= Promenade Deck  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Peggy should be here, but if not, walk around until you find her, then talk to
her.  Ask about the "break room," and then "locker" (11) to find out that the
cabin boy, Xqwzts, is probably in one of the bottom ones.  Of course, we'll
need a locker combination, so select "other" and type in "combination" (11) to
have Peggy tell you what it is: 338-24-36.  You can also select "other" and
type in "Xqwzts" (11), and more topics will open up.  Ask about his hobbies,
and Peggy will tell you that he's a little pervert, taking pictures of all the
customers.  Continue asking about Xqwzts' needs and wants, and you'll find out
that he'd really like a passport.  Now, say "goodbye" and pull out your map to
head back to the Employees Only area.

= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Open the locker on the bottom row, second from the left, by using the 38-24-36
combination (12).  Go through into the new area, and you'll meet Xqwzts (3).
Ask him about "photographs," "how," and "buy pictures" (4), and you'll get a
bunch of dirty pictures he took of you!  Go ahead and ask him about all of the
other available topics, but you can also select "other" and type in: "Captain
Thygh," "Drew Baringmore," "Peggy," etc.  When you ask about Drew, he says that
he knows where her suitcase is, but is too busy to help you.  Anyways, we're
done here for now, but before we say "goodbye," take note of the air vent to
the left of Xqwzts.  We want a passport, so let's go see Peter (Purser's Desk).

= Purser's Desk =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Talk to Peter, and ask about "passport" (11) to try to get it back.  He's not
going to, however, unless you have some form of photo ID.  Say "goodbye."  Now,
there's nowhere on the ship to get an official photo ID made, so we'll just
have to make do ourselves.  Look in your inventory, and you'll see that you
have everything you need!

Click on the mucilage, and select "Use" --> "Dirty Pictures" (9), then click on
the sticky photograph and select "Use" --> "Your cabin keycard." (8)  You now
have a photo ID!  Exit out of your inventory screen, and while you are still in
the Das Grande Atriumo view, click on the "Where's Dildo?" high above the
Purser's Desk, about two balconies up.  Now, walk back and talk to Peter, then
click on him and select "Use" --> "Photo ID" to get your passport back (6).
Pull out your map and head back to the Employees Only area.

= Employees Only area =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You'll have to open the locker (combination: 38-24-36) again, then walk back
to Xqwzts' room.  Click on him and use your passport (7), and the dirty bastard
disappears with it!  Before he left, however, he hung a key on a little hook to
the left, which you should grab (6).  Now, remember that air vent we noticed
earlier?  Use your screwdriver on it (6), and you'll climb through.

= Blind Dessert Taste Test  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You end up in a pitch black room, with slurping noises all around you.  You
must be in that room next to the Heaving Ho'!  Click on yourself (if you can't
find where you are, just move somewhere, and then click on the exact same spot)
and join in the "orgy," by undressing (10).

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | You have to go and open your big mouth, however, making someone turn  |
     | on the light.  Only then do you see where you really are, and again   |
     | make the walk of shame back to your cabin.  When they turned on the   |
     | lights, did you notice the woman dressed in black stand up?  You      |
     | might have also noticed her when you boarded the ship, pushing the    |
     | man in a wheelchair.  Anyways, when you're back in your room, guess   |
     | who's waiting for you?  She wants you to off her old man, who she     |
     | married for money.  You, however, totally misunderstand her and think |
     | she's just a physical therapist, who doesn't have time for sex.  You  |
     | agree to "do the dirty deed," and she gives you a sample of the       |
     | reward.  Before she leaves, she wipes her mouth with a handkerchief,  |
     | and throws it on the ground.  Unfortunately, she forgot to give you   |
     | her name or cabin number!                                             |

= Cabin 0 =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

After you've met the Woman in Black (15), pick up the handkerchief she left on
the ground (2).  Look at it, and you'll notice that the initials A.B. are
embroidered on it, and that emits a faint odor.  Click on it, select "other,"
then type in "smell" (1).  We still don't know who she is, however, so let's go
back to the dessert area to try to find some more clues.  Pull out your map and
go the Heaving Ho, then through the now unlocked door.

= Blind Dessert Taste Test  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Do you remember where she was sitting?  Walk towards the chair in the bottom
left, and you should smell the handkerchief smell again.  Look at the chair,
and a closeup view comes up.  Underneath the chair is a piece of folded paper,
which you should grab (15).  Go into your inventory and look at it (5), and you
will see that it is a life insurance policy, and that the woman's name is
Annette B. Boning.  Let's see if the front desk knows anything more on her -
head to the Purser's Desk.

= Purser's Desk =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You can ask Peter about Annette Boning, but he won't give any information out.
If you haven't already done so earlier, try asking him about your account, and
he will walk away.  Look at his phone, and you'll see that there's a red button
that displays the last number dialed!  So, if we could only get him to dial the
Boning's room...go over to the white phone on the nearby column.

If you try to make a call, you'll see that the option to call Annette is on the
list.  However, make a prank phone call a total of six times, as you'll get a
point for each call (6).  Once you've finished, go ahead and call Annette (13),
then walk over and talk to Peter again.  Ask him about your account, then push
the red button to find out that Annette is in Cabin 1009.  Pull up your map,
and you will see that a new area, the Owner's Suite, is now open - go there.

= Owner's Suite =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

You arrive later that evening (2), and you'll notice that Annette has left the
glass door unlocked for you.  Go through, and you'll automatically enter the
bedroom (2), which is darkened.  Look at the bed, and then smell it (1) before
undressing yourself (10) and climbing in.

-=| Cutscene |=-
     | You automatically get into bed, for what looks to be some rough and   |
     | tumble sex!  It turns out, however, that it's not Annette you're in   |
     | bed with, because she soon comes in and turns the lights on.  After   |
     | it's revealed that her old man, who you were in bed with, is now dead,|
     | Annette thinks you were just in on the cash, trying to make her the   |
     | patsy.  Unbeknownst to you, of course, as you just think she thinks   |
     | you're a homosexual.  Anyways, you once again have to trudge back to  |
     | your room, this time dressed in nothing but a diaper.                 |

As soon as you're in your room, pull out your map and march straight back to
the Owner's Suite.  This time, however, the door is locked, however.  Before we
try to get in, however, let's get another easter egg.  Click on the bulge of
the third male statue on the left, then select "other" and type in "unzip."
You don't see much, fortunately, but an easter egg should start flashing in the
top left corner.

Now, walk up and push the red button to the right of the door, to ring the
doorbell.  You'll now see your reward for the easter egg we just got: Annette
rolling around in her money, naked!  Talk to her about the topics that show up,
and you can also ask her about "insurance."  Now, this is a pretty obscure
thing to do, but click on Annette and "Use" --> "Carving Knife" (1).  She'll
run away and slam the door, so ring the doorbell again.  Now, use the Life
Insurance Policy on her (15), and she'll give you half a billion dollars worth
of stock!  You're done here, so let's get to another competition - pull out
your TMT scorecard and choose Tail Deck Bowling.

= Tail Deck Bowling competition =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Someone sure likes sticking "Where's Dildo?" up animals behinds...another one
is jammed up the rear of the hippopotamus.  Once you've gotten it, click on the
walrus and use your TMT scorecard.  Pick up the ball (2), then click on the
lane and select "play."  It looks like you're not much of a bowler, either...
try as many times as you like, but the results don't get much better.  Once
again, we'll have to cheat to win.  Given that you only have the ability to hit
a pin or two each time you bowl, what's a way to guarantee that hitting just
those will knock all ten pins down?

Blow them all up!  Remember what Peggy said, about deodorant and KZ lubricant
exploding and taking her leg?  Well, let's apply that knowledge here.  First,
go ahead and watch what the other bowler does.  He wipes his ball with a towel,
and when he knocks them all down, the pins come up from underneath.  Got it?
Okay, let's take of the pins first.  Remembering that the pins come up from
below the bowling alley, pull out your map and go to the area underneath where
you are: the Aft Hold.

= Aft Hold  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

In front of you, the door reads "Automatic Pinsetter Hold," so we're in the
right place.  It's locked, however, so use your custodial key on the door (2)
and you'll enter.  Right behind you is a door to the hopper, which stores the
bowling pins.  Open it, then click on the pins and select "Use" --> "Deodorant
Spray" (11) to empty the entire can on them.  Now, head back to the bowling

= Tail Deck Bowling competition =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Once again, use your TMT scorecard on the walrus, then pick up your bowling
ball.  So we've already taken care of the deodorant, now we just need to add
the lubricant.  Go into your inventory, and click on the KZ lubricant, then use
it with the handkerchief (7).  Now, exit out of your inventory and click on the
bowling ball, then use it with the treated handkerchief (6).  Finally, click on
the lane and select "play" (1), and you'll start bowling strike after strike!
Eventually, you'll score a perfect 300, and win the bowling competition (25)!
Congratulate yourself, but we still have other events we need to take care of.
Pull out your scorecard, and head to the Best-Dressed Man contest.

= Best-Dressed Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

First, click on the "Where's Dildo?" on the green computer console to the
right.  Take a look around, if you wish, especially at the mannequin.  You'll
notice that he has a pretty large bulge, so click on him and "unzip" his pants
(3) to automatically scan your scorecard.  The platform will then scan and
score you, but as usual, your score sucks.  Thus, we'll either have to A)change
your fashion, or B)change what fashion is hot.  Since this game is "Leisure
Suit" Larry, it wouldn't make much sense to do the first one, right?  So, how
are we going to get leisure suits back in style?  Pull out your map and head to
Captain Queeg's Ballroom, which we haven't been to before.

= Captain Queeg's Ballroom  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Once you arrive, go through the nearby double doors.  You'll see a large
runway, with a stage and drawn curtains.  Click on the "Where's Dildo?" near
the curtain, then talk to the woman sitting at the desk (2).  Ask about the
various topics, and you'll learn that her line has been copied and shown first,
so Jamie Lee has to come up with something new, fast.  Select "other," and type
in various things, such as "Calvin Klone," "sex," "fashion," etc.  Make sure to
type in "leisure suit" (17) as well, and you'll convince her that retro is in.
However, there's still the problem of finding polyester onboard.  Say goodbye,
but before you leave, click on yourself, select "other," and type in "dream"
for another easter egg.  Nice, huh?  Now, pull out your map and head to the

= Bridge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

After you arrive, go ahead and climb up the ladder (1).  You'll see a tiny sail
far to the right - look at it (1) to discover that it's made of polyester, and
if you wish, walk over to it.  If you try to cut it down (use your carving
knife), you'll see that it's too tightly wound up, so we're going to have to
unfurl it.  Climb back down the ladder.

Of course, the controls of a ship are found in the bridge, which we are already
at.  Go through the door, and click on the "Where's Dildo?" right by the door.
To the left of the door is a control box, which operates the P.A. system and
the sails.  Good, that's what we want - try to operate it, however, and the dog
tries to take a bite out of your hand.  We don't have any meat or anything to
give him, and petting him isn't much better, so exit back outside.

Once back outside, you'll notice an electrical junction box, right below the
life preserver.  It runs to the nearby loudspeaker, so you should have a pretty
good idea that it's somehow connected to the control box inside.  Open it by
clicking on it and selecting "Use" --> "Screwdriver" (6), and a closeup view of
the box should come up.  Above is the fuse for the sails, below is the fuse for
the P.A. system.  Throughout the course of the game, we've heard announcements
over the system every few minutes, so if we could somehow switch the two, the
sail might unfurl the next time one was made!

Look through your inventory - see anything that might work?  How about the
jumper wire?  Click on either of the fuses and use the jumper wire (10), then
exit out of the closeup.  Climb up the ladder, and wait for the next
announcement.  As soon as it is made, the sail should unfurl, so quickly cut it
down by using your carving knife (8).  Unfortunately, you get tangled up in the
sail, and have to sit it out overnight, while seagulls peck at you.  I always
knew those things were evil!  Anyways, head back to Captain Queeg's Ballroom.

= Captain Queeg's Ballroom  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Go through the double doors once again, and click on the "Where's Dildo?" on
the ground, partially hidden by the mermaid statue in the bottom right corner.
IMPORTANT NOTE: That should have been your second dildo from this area, but if
you want to get all 32 of them, make sure you leave the ballroom, and then come
back.  Now, there should be a third "Where's Dildo?" in this area, behind the
leftmost chair of the table in the bottom right corner.  This one is easily
missed, as the ballroom is locked if you give her the cloth before leaving and
coming back.

Talk to Jamie Lee again, then click on her and "Use" --> "Polyester Cloth" (7).
She'll ask you to take off your clothes, because she needs them for a pattern.
Of course, you'll have to walk back to your cabin naked, and this time you run
into Peggy, who decides to measure your "shivered timber."  Oh well...back in
your cabin and dressed again, pull up your map and head back to the ballroom.

You should see a note taped to the double doors; read it (1), and you'll find
out that Jamie Lee wants you to meet her backstage.  The stage doors are to the
left of the Neptune statue, so open them (1) and go through.  It turns out that
you're not about to get lucky with Jamie Lee, but instead model your leisure
suit on the runway (8).  The crowd seems to love it, ripping off your suit in
the process, and once again you have to walk back to your cabin naked.

Again, pull out your map and go back to Captain Queeg's Ballroom.  A different
note will be taped to the door this time, so read it (1) to find out that Jamie
Lee has gone to do the talk show circuit.  And without thanking us, that bitch!
Oh well.  Pull out your map, and head back to the Best-Dressed Man contest.

= Best-Dressed Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Now that Jamie Lee has, with your help, put leisure suits back in style, let's
see how the machine scores your fashion sense.  Unzip the mannequin's fly, and
you'll score a perfect 100, winning the competition (25)!  It's about time we
took a break from the Thygh Man Trophy contest, though, so let's head back to
the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

A crowd has already gathered, for what looks to be a stand-up comedy show.  I
hope you like Bill Clinton's voice and poorly-told jokes, because you'll have
to be here for awhile!  There isn't really a way to fast-forward the jokes, so
sit tight and listen until he has told all of them, and you'll be rewarded with
(5) points.  I'm thinking it takes at least 20-30 minutes, so you might want to
just leave the game running and go do something else for awhile.  When he
finally starts repeating himself, you'll get the points.  Anyways, we still
need to find Drew's suitcase, so pull out your map and go to the Forward Hold.

= Forward Hold  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

This is another one of those "Crewmembers Only" areas, so go ahead and use your
custodial key on the door (2) to enter.  After the large, ape-like arm smashes
you over the head with a suitcase, click on the "Where's Dildo?" to the left
and look at the case that hit you.  Wow, you actually have some good luck for
once, as it turns out to be Drew's!  Take it (6), then head back to the
Clothing Optional Pool.

= Clothing Optional Pool  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Back near the changing cabana, there is another "Where's Dildo?" on the ground,
near the bushes in the bottom right corner.  Talk to Dick to get your elephant
swimsuit again, and you'll automatically go over to where Drew is.  Talk to her
to bring up the closeup view, then click on the bushes and select "other" -->
"push" again to move them out of the way.  Now, we all know Drew likes to talk
history, but that doesn't really interest us, right?  Select either "Fokker" or
"My Place?", and she won't tell you to keep her eyes on her eyes anymore, so
you're free to pan down.  You're welcome.  Anyways, I feel like a jerk doing
this, but it opens up another easter egg.  Click on Drew's Gigantic Erection,
and select "Use" --> "Orgasmic Powder."  The narrator will ask "Do you have a
drinking problem?"  Apparently, you do: click on the drugged Gigantic Erection,
select "Other" twice, then type in "Drink."  You should now see a flashing
easter egg in the top left corner.

Now, talk to Drew about her suitcase (15), and you'll let her know that it's
back in your room.  She'll then have to get up and walk all the way there -
without any clothes on!  Note that if you didn't drug the Gigantic Erection,
Larry would have walked right alongside her, impeding your view.  But since you
were so clever, you are rewarded with a couple extra seconds of nipple-viewing,
since Larry will no longer block the view.  Once the two of you are back in the
cabin, she'll hop in the shower.  Unfortunately, you can't join her, and she
will be awhile.  In fact, she won't ever come out until you "persuade" her to!
Before you do so, however, now would be a good time to grab what should be your
final "Where's Dildo?"  Go into the "Help" menu, then select "About..."  In the
photo of the hard-workers behind this wonderful game, you should spot it.  Like
I said, this should be your last one, if you've been following my walkthrough -
if not, simply check the section below for the remaining locations.  Also note
that you will get (1) point for viewing the "About..." screen (if that was your
first time).

Alright, now we need to get Drew out of there.  What's an obvious way to make
a hot, enjoyable shower not so hot and enjoyable any longer?  Flush the toilet
(10) and she'll leap right out of there.  Of course, she's not very happy with
you, and storms out of the room.  Leave your cabin, go anywhere else in the
ship you'd like to, then head right back to your cabin.  A whole bunch of mold
should have accumulated in the shower, due to the steam from Drew's shower.  Go
ahead and pick it up (7), then pull out your scorecard and you will see that
you have one final competition: The Captain's Cook-Off.

Look through your inventory again, in particular at the magazine page with the
recipe for Venezuelan Beaver Cheese and Kumquat Quiche.  You have most of the
items that the recipe requires, such as the mold, kumquats, lime juice, and
salt.  There is still the question of beaver milk, however.  Now, from some of
the areas that you've visited in the past, you'll remember that a lot of
beavers seem to occupy the lower areas of the ship.  Pull out your map and head
to the Lower Aft.

= Lower Aft =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Use your custodial key on the door (2) to enter, and you'll see a large cage
full of feeding beavers.  Now, how are you going to milk them?  Actually, it's
a lot easier than it sounds.  Simply click on the Venezuelan Beaver of your
choice, select "Other," then type in "milk." (13) After a short cutscene in
which you satisfy more beaver than you have the whole cruise, you end up back
at the map scene.  Head back to the kitchen.

= Kitchen =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

On the nearby counter is the CyberCheese 2000.  Simply click on it and select
"Use" --> "Venezuelan Beaver Milk" and you'll automatically add the necessary
ingredients and obtain the cheese (9).  Now, a hunk of cheese is certainly not
going to impress the Cook-Off judges, so you'll want to make the quiche, as is
outlined in the magazine.  Go into your inventory, click on the cheese, then
use the kumquats with it (7) to bake it.  After the short cutscene, you'll
probably notice that you made quite a mess of the kitchen!  Well, more of a
mess, I should say, since it wasn't exactly Martha Stewart-like before anyway.
Toward the right side of the kitchen is a large green snake on the floor - look
at it (1).  Now, let's go win the trophy - pull out your scorecard and head
over to the Captain's Cook-Off.

= Captain's Cook-Off Competition  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Click on Judge Julia and use the Kumquat Quiche on her (1).  Oops - apparently,
she has had so many of them that she finds it repugnant.  It's no use trying to
come up with some other recipe, so you'll have to try and "kick it up a notch!"
Can you think of anything that would do so?  While I've never had food that was
so good that it was orgasmic, perhaps your Orgasmic Powder would do the trick
(14).  Now, head back to the competition and let her sample your new Quiche de
Larry, and she and the rest of the judges will absolutely love it (25)!  Very
nice work winning each of your competitions!  Now, even though you've won the
Thygh Man Trophy contest, there isn't a big announcement or ceremony and such.
Simply head up to the Captain's Quarters at the top of the ship.

= Captain's Quarters  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Knock on the door, and you'll see last week's winner get carried out on a
stretcher.  You're warned to not go in, but nevermind that - as you enter, you
find yourself in an island oasis (her quarters sure didn't look this big from
the outside).  You'll automatically make your way up to where Captain Thygh is
(10), but she is less than enthralled to see that YOU are the winner.  You'll
then have the opportunity to talk to her, although there aren't many options to
pick.  Go ahead and go through what's available and whatever opens up, and you
will discover that she dreams of her old job: operating an oil supertanker.  If
you wish, you can also try typing in such things as "sex," "Al Lowe," etc.  To
be perfectly honest, I find her a bit boring, but oh well.  To help her achieve
her dreams, give her your stock certificate (25), and watch the ending scene!
Make sure to watch all of the credits, because you see an extra scene if you
obtained all of the easter eggs and all of the dildos over the course of the
game.  Congratulations, you've beaten Leisure Suit Larry 7: Love for Sail!

IV. ITEMS                                                                kw-ite

The following is a list of all items that enter your possession at one point or
another during the game.  In most cases, the game's description of each item
(copyright Sierra) is included, as they oftentimes give puzzle hints.  In
addition, some names were slightly rearranged, to make finding them easier
(i.e. I list "Chase lights, battery-powered" instead of "Battery-powered chase
lights," as the game describes it).

-Book, "Erotic" in "Prudish" Jacket-
   "On the outside, it's the story of principled women who avoid temptation
   through abstinence and willpower, but on the inside, it's nothing but sin,
   sin, sin!"  Obtained by using the book jacket on "The Erotic Adventures of

-Book, "Prudish and Proud"-
   "'Prudish and Proud: The Gripping Saga of Three Demure Librarians who Resist
   the Temptations of the Flesh and Affirm Their Commitment to Moral
   Principles.  #126 in a series of 200.' Sounds right up your alley, Larry.
   Obtained from Victorian's desk, when she is on the computer.

-Book, "Prudish and Proud" sans jacket-
   "This is Victorian's book just the way you'd like to see her.  Without
   cover.  Obtained by removing the jacket from "Prudish and Proud."

-Book, "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules"-
   "It's 'The Erotic Adventures of Hercules,' soon to be a major motion picture
   starring Troy McClure.  Every page smolders with intense passion, engulfing
   the reader in depradations of wicked lust.  At least, that's what it says
   on the back cover."  Obtained from Drew Baringmore.

-Book jacket, "Prudish and Proud"-
   "It's the dust jacket from 'Prudish and Proud.'"  Obtained by removing it
   from "Prudish and Proud" in your inventory.

-Cabin keycard, your-
   "Your keycard has an all-important magnetic stripe on the back so it may be
   used for shipboard purchases and even to unlock your cabin door."  Obtained
   immediately after boarding the ship.

-Carving knife-
   "It's not the best knife in the world, but carving s'Pork hardly requires
   high carbon steel."  Obtained from the Heaving Ho', after Wang leaves.

-Chase lights, battery powered-
   "The Juggs' costumes were decorated with strings of battery-powered chase
   lights.  Everything seems intact, but there doesn't seem to be a way to turn
   them on."  Obtained from the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge stage, after the
   Juggs' performance.

-Custodial Key-
   "Xqwzts' custodian's key will unlock almost any storage area on the ship."
   Obtained after giving the passport to Xqwzts.

-Deodorant Spray-
   "It's the official state deodorant of Texas: 'Smokin' Pits: with the smell
   of down home barbecue.'"  Obtained by switching the silicone lubricant with
   the deodorant in the Juggs' dressing room.

-Dice, legal-
   "This pair of white plastic dice is just like the ones used in casinos."
   Obtained by playing at the Craps table in the Pair o' Dice casino.

-Dice, Shaved-
   "This pair of white plastic dice is just like the ones used in casinos,
   except some fool has sanded them down so they can't lose."  Obtained by
   using the toilet paper on the souvenir dice.

-Dice, Souvenir-
   "This pair of white plastic dice is just like the ones used in the casinos,
   except for a few little specks of glue."  Obtained from the Venus in the El
   Replicant Sculpture Garden.

-Dirty Pictures-
   "Hey, Meester!  Want to sell some feelthy peek-tures?"  Obtained from Xqwzts
   in the Employees Only area.

   "Professional audio engineers always use earplugs when working around high
   sound pressure levels to ensure their hearing remains sensitive and
   accurate."  Obtained by feeling the mixer on the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge

-Fire hose-
   "Your hose is long and thick."  Obtained from the fire hose cabinet on the
   Promenade deck.

-Handkerchief, treated-
   "Carefully examining the lady's handkerchief saturated with KZ Brand Sexual
   Lubricant (and Roulette Wheel Polish) makes you suddenly want to be alone."
   Obtained by using the lubricant with the woman's handkerchief.

-Handkerchief, woman's-
   "This lacy silk handkerchief, embroidered with the initials A.B., emits a
   faint odor."  Obtained from your cabin room floor, after meeting the Woman
   in Black.

-Heat lamp bulb-
   "The tiny lettering on the bulb reads, 'CyberLamp 2000 long-distance heat
   lamp.  2,500 watts.  Guaranteed range: 200 yards.  Not to be used in
   unapproved fixtures."  Obtained from the Heaving Ho' after Wang leaves.

-Jumper Wire-
   "Who would have guessed it?  A short length of wire with an alligator clip
   on each end is all that's needed to change any slot machine into a winner!"
   Obtained from the Employees Only area.

-Kumquat Quiche-
   "It's your culinary masterpiece.  Venezuelan Beaver Cheese and Kumquat
   Quiche.  Better hope your personal liability insurance is paid up."
   Obtained by using the kumquats with the Venezuelan Beaver Cheese.

   "While it may appear to be a small, orange-yellow citrus fruit, with a name
   like 'kumquat,' it's gotta be good!"  Obtained from the sheep topiary on the
   Fo'c'l'se Deck.

-KZ Sexual Lubricant-
   "The label on the KZ Brand Sexual Lubricant (and Roulette Wheel Polish) has
   some tiny print."  Obtained from the Employees Only area.

-Life Insurance Policy-
   "This life insurance policy, in the amount of one billion dollars, is on one
   Aristotle K. Boning, with the beneficiary listed as Annette B. Boning.  It
   emits a very faint smell.

-Lil' Hairweave Kit-
   "La Costa Lotta thoughtfully provides one of these complimentary Lil' Hair
   Weave Kits to every guest's room."  Obtained from the right nightstand in
   Shamara's Bedroom.

-Lime juice-
   "If you had some sugar and water, you could use this lime juice to make
   limeade."  Obtained from Johnson in the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge, after
   talking to Drew.

-Magazine page-
   "Someone used this page from 'Professional Hash Slinger' magazine to wrap
   old fish."  Obtained from the Kitchen table.

   "The pulsating mold radiates an eldritch glow, reminding you of that
   muenster you left in the back of the fridge so long it self-actualized and
   organized a union."  Obtained from the safety shower in Cabin 0, after Drew
   takes a shower in it.

   "Wasn't it Aristotle who said, 'Give me a big enough bottle of mucilage and
   I'll stick it to the whole world?'"  Obtained from Victorian's desk in the

   "It's a steel needle from your La Costa Lotta complimentary Lil' Hair Weave
   Kit."  Obtained by opening the Lil' Hair Weave Kit.

-Needle, bent-
   "You did a fine job of bending this steel needle into an attractive zigzag.
   Especially considering you were working with your toes!"  Obtained by using
   the Vice Grips with the needle.

-Orgasmic Powder-
   "Judging from your reaction to this stuff, a little goes a long way."
   Obtained from Cabin 510 after winning Strip Liar Dice.

   "Your passport reminds you of your many exciting travels (in Leisure Suit
   Larrys 1 through 6, available in Sierra's exciting 'Leisure Suit Larry's
   Greatest Hits...and Misses!').  Now, if those damn customs agents would stop
   drawing little moustaches on your picture."  Obtained by showing Peter your
   photo ID.

-Photo ID-
   "You've created what may well be the world's first pornographic photo ID."
   Obtained by using the sticky photograph with the cabin keycard.

-Polyester Cloth-
   "Yards and yards of glaring white polyester -- it's enough to bring tears to
   your eyes."  Obtained by using the carving knife on the Bridge sail.

   "This would be handy if you ever need to 'pass the pot,' Larry."  Obtained
   from the Kitchen.

-Quiche de Larry-
   "While ORDINARY Venezuelan Beaver Cheese and Kumquat Quiche may be
   considered delicious, your new improved version packs an extra-special punch
   of orgasmic powder."  Obtained by using the Orgasmic Powder on the Kumquat

-Remote Control-
   "This looks suspiciously like a remote control...but to remotely control
   what?"  Obtained from the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge stage, after the Juggs'

   Exactly what it says it is.  Obtained from the kitchen.

   "That's certainly an unimpressive tool."  Obtained from Bob Bitt's toolbox
   in the El Replicant Sculpture Garden.

-Ship's Map-
   Exactly what it says it is.  Obtained immediately after boarding the ship.

-Silicone Lubricant-
   "Your favorite brand of silicone lubricant is 'Greased Pig' Brand.  Obtained
   from the drain pipe in Cabin 0.

-Sticky Photograph-
   "This pornographic photo wasn't covered with sticky goo until you got your
   hands on it.  Oh, the lines we left out here..."  Obtained by using the
   mucilage with the dirty pictures.

-Stock certificate-
   "This stock certificate is for five million and one shares of stock in
   BoneCo Transportation.  Since the fine print says there are only ten million
   shares outstanding, this makes you...Da Man!"  Obtained from Annette after
   giving her the life insurance policy.

   "Drew Baringmore's suitcase is light on clothes, but unfortunately heavy on
   books."  Obtained from the Forward Hold.

-TMT Scorecard-
   Shows list of competitions. Obtained from Peter after entering the Proud
   Lil' Seaman Lounge

-Toilet Paper-
   "The ship's toilet paper is as rough as a cob!"  Obtained from Cabin 0.

-Venezuelan Beaver Cheese-
   "The Venezuelan Beaver Cheese is pale yellow, with hints of color marbling
   its velvety surface, kind of like cottage cheese at a July picnic!"
   Obtained in the Kitchen, by using the beaver milk with the CyberCheese 2000.

-Venezuelan Beaver Milk-
   "It's the milk of beaver kindness.  Was it good for you?"  Obtained from the
   Lower Aft.

-Vice Grips-
   "They're 'Vice' Grips, and believe you and me, the things Shamara did to you
   with them definitely fall under the heading of 'Vice.'"  Obtained from the
   left nightstand in Shamara's bedroom.

V. CHARACTERS                                                            kw-cha

The following is a list of characters that you interact with during the course
of the game.  Also included is a list of items you will eventually need to give
them, as well as items that you will need to get from them.

-Annette Boning-
   AKA the Woman in Black, married to a billionaire old man.
     Wants: Her husband dead, insurance policy.
     Has: Stock certificate.

-Dewmi Moore-
   Woman who loves gambling.
     Wants: Someone lucky at the craps table to play her game.
     Has: Orgasmic Powder.

-Drew Baringmore-
   Historian who loves sitting at the pool nude.
     Wants: Gigantic Erection, suitcase of clothes, conversation about Fokker
     Has: "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" book

-Jamie Lee Coitus-
   Fashion designer, found in Captain Queeg's Ballroom.
     Wants: Idea for clothing style, polyester.

   The bartender in the Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge.
     Has: Lime juice

   The ship's deckhand and resident peg-legged pirate.

   The Purser.
     Wants: Photo ID
     Has: Cabin keycard, TMT scorecard, passport.

   The woman who stole your heart in the previous game, and your money in this
     Wants: Your wallet

   The meat carver at The Heaving Ho'.
     Has: s'pork.

   The cabin boy, found behind the lockers in the Employees Only area.
     Wants: Passport.
     Has: Dirty pictures

VI. POINTS LIST                                                          kw-pts

Just missing a couple of points here and there, and not interested in reading
the entire walkthrough?  Well, here you go, a list of all 1000 points:

= Aft, Promenade, and Fo'c's'le Decks: 61 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Talk to Peggy about "peg leg" (11)
   -Open fire hose cabinet (1)
   -Get fire hose (3)
   -Get kumquats from sheep topiary (2)
   -Talk to Peggy about "cabin boy" (11)
   -Talk to Peggy about "locker" (11)
   -Talk to Peggy about "Xqwzts" (11)
   -Talk to Peggy about "combination" (11)

= Aft Hold: 13 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use custodial key on door (2)
   -Use deodorant spray on bowling pins (11)

= Best-Dressed Competition: 28 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Unzip mannequin's fly (3)
   -Unzip mannequin's fly after fashion show (25)

= Blind Dessert Taste Test: 30 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Undress (10)
   -Get folded paper (15)
   -Look at insurance policy in inventory (5)

= Bridge: 26 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Climb up ladder (1)
   -Look at sails (1)
   -Use screwdriver on electrical junction box (6)
   -Use jumper wire on electrical junction box fuses (10)
   -Use carving knife on sail (8)

= Cabin 0: 56 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Enter cabin the first time (2)
   -Get spray can from drain pipe (3)
   -Use fire hose on water pipe (9)
   -"Piss" in toilet (1)
   -"Shit" in toilet (1)
   -Get toilet paper (2)
   -Look at toilet paper in inventory (1)
   -Flush toilet (2)
   -Meet Woman in Black (15)
   -Get lace handkerchief (2)
   -Smell handkerchief (1)
   -Flush toilet while Drew is showering (10)
   -Get mold from shower (7)

= Cabin 510: 27 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Win "Strip Liar Dice" game (23)
   -Get Orgasmic Powder (4)

= Captain Queeg's Ballroom: 37 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Talk to Jamie Lee Coitus (2)
   -Talk to Jamie Lee about "leisure suit" (17)
   -Give polyester cloth to Jamie Lee (7)
   -Read note on door (1)
   -Open stage doors (1)
   -Model leisure suit (8)
   -Read second note on door (1)

= Captain's Cook-Off Competition: 26 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use Kumquat Quiche on Judge Julia (1)
   -Use Quiche de Larry on Judge Julia (25)

= Captain's Quarters: 35 points total   =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Meet Captain Thygh inside, after winning the contest (10)
   -Give stock certificate to Captain Thygh (25)

= Clothing Optional Pool: 47 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Get loaner swimsuit (2)
   -Talk to Drew Baringmore (3)
   -Ask Drew about book (11)
   -Ask Drew about Fokker (13)
   -Read Persons Magazine (3)
   -Talk to Drew about suitcase, after retrieving it (15)

= El Replicant Sculpture Garden: 28 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Get souvenir dice (8)
   -Climb up scaffolding (1)
   -Get screwdriver (4)
   -Use chase lights on steel spike (14)
   -Use remote control on steel spike (1)

= Employees Only area: 58 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -"Push" door (9)
   -Get KZ Sexual Lubricant (4)
   -Get Jumper Wire from Jackpot Preventer (4)
   -Read message about shaved dice (2)
   -Read message about Peggy's prints (1)
   -Open locker (12)
   -Meet Xqwzts (3)
   -Buy pictures from Xqwzts (4)
   -Give passport to Xqwzts (7)
   -Get custodial key (6)
   -Use screwdriver on air vent (6)

= Forward Hold: 08 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use custodial key on door (2)
   -Get Drew's suitcase (6)

= Heaving Ho', The: 20 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Get s'Pork second time (9)
   -Get carving knife (3)
   -Get heat lamp bulb (3)
   -Eat bean dip (4)
   -Fart after eating bean dip (1)

= Kitchen: 46 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Look at fish heads (1)
   -Look at fish net (1)
   -Look at Fifi (1)
   -Get wrapped fish (2)
   -Read magazine page (5)
   -Get pot (2)
   -Get salt shaker (2)
   -Operate Caviarmaster 2000 (1)
   -Use Venezuelan Beaver Milk with CyberCheese 2000 (9)
   -Use kumquats with Venezuelan Beaver Cheese (7)
   -Look at snake on floor after baking (1)
   -Use Orgasmic Powder on Kumquat Quiche (14)

= Library: 66 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Look at stuffed beaver (1)
   -Take book on Fokker, by Drew Baringmore (2)
   -Take book on Electromagnetism (2)
   -Meet Victorian Principles (3)
   -Take mucilage (5)
   -Take "Prudish and Proud" book (6)
   -Remove jacket of "Prudish and Proud" book (4)
   -Use jacket with "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" (14)
   -Replace Victorian's book with "Erotic" Book in "Prudish" Jacket (2)
   -Look at Victorian's computer screen, after she has changed to Vicki (1)
   -Talk to Vicki about weather / get lucky with her (20)
   -Talk to Vicki about LoveMaster 2000 (6)

= LoveMaster 2000 Competition: 31 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use TMT Scorecard with CyberCard 2000 (2)
   -Push green button (4)
   -Have Vicki win the competition for you (25)

= Lower Aft: 15 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use custodial key on door (2)
   -"Milk" beavers (13)

= Miscellaneous Points: 01 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -View "Help" --> "About..." screen for the first time (1)

= Owner's Suite: 31 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Visit for the first time (2)
   -Open glass door (2)
   -Smell bed (1)
   -Get into bed with Boning (10)
   -Show carving knife to Annette (1)
   -Give life insurance policy to Annette (15)

= Pair o' Dice Casino: 55 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use toilet paper on souvenir dice (11)
   -Fart near craps table (11)
   -Use shaved dice at craps table (6)
   -Get invited to Dewmi Moore's room (27)

= Poop Deck: 03 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Look at/meet the Juggs (3)

= Poop Deck Horseshoes Competition: 32 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Use your TMT Scorecard with the centaur (2)
   -Turn on remote control (5)
   -Win competition with perfect score (25)

= Proud Lil' Seaman Lounge: 107 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Learn about Thygh's Man Trophy Contest (3)
   -Talk to Johnson (2)
   -Get Lime juice (12)
   -Order Gigantic Erection (11)
   -Enter Juggs' dressing room (13)
   -Switch deodorant spray with silicone lubricant (12)
   -Push red button in Juggs' dressing room (4)
   -Take spotlight bulb (5)
   -Use heat lamb bulb with empty socket (5)
   -Push red button in Juggs' dressing room a second time (4)
   -Participate in the Juggs' performance (20)
   -Get clothing chase lights (5)
   -Get remote control (5)
   -Turn on remote control (1)
   -Listen to all of Willy's jokes (5)

= Purser's Desk: 64 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Talk to Peter about passport (11)
   -Use mucilage on dirty pictures (9)
   -Use sticky photograph on cabin keycard (8)
   -Use photo ID on Peter (6)
   -Make prank call six times (6)
   -Call Annette Boning from courtesy phone (13)
   -Push red button on Peter's phone, after calling Annette (11)

= Shamara's Penthouse: 8 points total =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Get "Vice" Grips (1)
   -Get Lil' Hair Weave Kit (1)
   -Get needle from Lil' Hair Weave Kit (1)
   -Use Vice Grips on needle (1)
   -Use bent needle on handcuffs (2)
   -Break glass door (2)

= Tail Deck Bowling competition: 41 points total  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

   -Get bowling ball (2)
   -Use KZ Sexual Lubricant with handkerchief (7)
   -Use treated handkerchief with bowling ball (6)
   -Play with treated ball (1)
   -Win competition (25)

VII. WHERE'S DILDO?                                                      kw-dil

If you manage to collect all 32 Dildos, you'll receive an extra wallpaper, as
well as complete one of the requirements to view the ending bonus scene.  Note
that even though there are multiple dildos in a single area, they don't
necessarily appear all at once.  For example, the first time you visit Cabin 0,
only the one near the bucket is visible.  The next time there, the one behind
the toilet appears, and so on.

       |     AREA      |               SPECIFIC LOCATION               |
       | "ABOUT..."    | - In the photo of the people who worked on    |
       |   SCREEN      |   game                                        |
       |               |                                               |
       | AFT DECK      | - In the Dildo topiary                        |
       |               |                                               |
       | BEST-DRESSED  | - Next to the computer monitor                |
       |   COMPETITION |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | BRIDGE        | - Inside, next to the door and beer cans      |
       |               |                                               |
       | CABIN 0       | - On the floor, behind the bucket             |
       |               | - Behind the toilet                           |
       |               | - Between the red and black pipes in the      |
       |               |   bottom left corner                          |
       |               |                                               |
       | CAPTAIN       | - Onstage, next to the curtains               |
       |   QUEEG'S     | - On the floor, behind mermaid statue         |
       |     BALLROOM  | - Behind leftmost chair of bottom right table |
       |               |                                               |
       | CLOTHING      | - On the ground near the changing cabana, near|
       |   OPTIONAL    |   the bottom left bushes                      |
       |     POOL      | - On the ground near the changing cabana, near|
       |               |   the bottom right bushes                     |
       |               |                                               |
       | DAS GRANDE    | - On the same level as the Purser's Desk,     |
       |   ATRIUMO     |   behind the palm trees on the right          |
       |               | - To the right side of the Library entrance   |
       |               | - Two balconies above the Purser's Desk       |
       |               |                                               |
       | EL REPLICANT  | - Behind the left foot of the David statue    |
       |   SCULPTURE   |                                               |
       |     GARDEN    |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | EMPLOYEES     | - Under the Foosball table                    |
       |   ONLY AREA   |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | FO'C'S'LE     | - Sticking out of the Beaver topiary          |
       |               |                                               |
       | FORWARD HOLD  | - On the ground to the left, near the blue    |
       |               |   suitcase                                    |
       |               |                                               |
       | HEAVING HO'   | - In the Greek salad                          |
       |               | - In the tray of sausages near Wang           |
       |               |                                               |
       | KITCHEN       | - Hanging from a string of sausages           |
       |               |                                               |
       | LIBRARY       | - On the floor, near the Grandfather clock    |
       |               | - On Vicki's desk, behind the bananas and     |
       |               |   pineapple                                   |
       |               |                                               |
       | LOVEMASTER    | - Sticking out the top of the fourth booth    |
       |   2000 EVENT  |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | PAIR O' DICE  | - Sitting at one of the blackjack tables      |
       |   CASINO      |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | POOP DECK     | - On the stake of the far court               |
       |   HORSESHOES  |                                               |
       |               |                                               |
       | PROMENADE DECK| - Underneath the Sheep topiary                |
       |               |                                               |
       | PROUD LIL'    | - On the floor, near the left seat in the     |
       |   SEAMAN      |   middle row                                  |
       |     LOUNGE    | - On the left side of Johnson's window        |
       |               | - In the Juggs' dressing room, near the hay   |
       |               |                                               |
       | TAIL DECK     | - Sticking out of the hippopotamus' rear end  |
       |   BOWLING     |                                               |

VIII. EASTER EGGS LIST                                                   kw-egg

There are a total of eight "easter eggs" hidden throughout the game.  The final
one is found only by completing the game with all 1000 points, finding the
first seven easter eggs, and finding all of the dildos.  Finding these easter
eggs is certainly not necessary, but simply provide you with extra enjoyment
out of the game.

   1.  When talking to Drew at the Clothing Optional Pool, click on the branch
       obscuring her breasts, select "Other," then type "Push," and you'll move
       it out of the way.

   2.  In the library, click on the beaver atop the right bookshelf, select
       "Other," then type "milk."  The reward for this easter egg is not shown
       immediately, but instead, when you enter the Juggs' dressing room later.

   3.  In the library, after Victorian's transformation, hold down "Control" on
       your keyboard and left-click the leftmost guy on her computer screen.
       Doing so will show a little bit more during your love scene with her.

   4.  In the Proud 'Lil Seaman Lounge, after viewing the Juggs' performance,
       head up onto the stage and walk left.  Click on the mixer equipment,
       select "Other," then type "Feel" to obtain some earplugs.  Now, head
       back to the Clothing Optional Pool and talk to Drew about Fokker, and
       she won't stop you from looking down at her.

   5.  In the Owner's Suite, after Annette's husband is dead, click on the
       bulge of the third statue from the left.  Select "Other," type "unzip,"
       then ring her doorbell to see Annette frolicing naked in her money.

   6.  After entering Captain Queeg's Ballroom, click on yourself, select
       "Other," then type in "dream."  You'll see a short cutscene of Jamie Lee

   7.  Once you wake up in Dewmi's cabin, get her Orgasmic Powder and head back
       to the Clothing Optional Pool (also make sure you have already obtained
       Drew's suitcase).  Click on Drew's Gigantic Erection drink, then select
       "Use" --> "Orgasmic Powder" to drug it.  Now, click on the drink and
       select "Other," before typing in "drink."  When you tell Drew that you
       have her luggage, she'll walk across the pool deck naked, and Larry will
       no longer block the view.

   8.  The final easter egg is only viewable after you achieve all of the above
       requirements.  Once the game's ending credits are over, you will see a
       short cutscene with a naked Larry and Captain Thygh, before an alien
       spaceship whisks the cruise ship away.

IX. GUIDE INFORMATION                                                    kw-inf

= A) Version History  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Version 1.0 (July 11, 2003) - The walkthrough is complete, with all 1000/1000
   points obtained.

= B) Email information  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

If you have any questions regarding this guide, feel free to email me at
Thuyker at aol dot com.  Make sure to put something in your email subject, so
that I don't mistake it for spam.

Also, if you have any suggestions, comments, or information that might be
useful, please let me know!  I'll definitely give credit where credit is due.

= C) Credits  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

-Thanks to Sierra for making the game!

-Thanks to GameFAQS and CJayC for putting this up!

-Thanks to www.allowe.com for information on the easter eggs!

In addition, as I mentioned above, I would greatly appreciate anyone who has
any further information that might be useful for this guide.  Your name will
go here!

= D) Legal Stuff  =~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

This FAQ/Guide was written 100% by me.  It is Copyright © 2003 Thuy Tran
("Thuyker") and may not be taken in part or whole to be claimed as your own
work, not altered in any way.  Please contact me for permission if you're
interested in posting this on your site.

Currently, the following sites have permission to post my FAQ:


All trademarks and copyrights contained in this document are owned by their
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