Last Rebellion review
It wasn't a possibility, but there seem to be games that are so bad, that they make you piss yourself from laughter at its absolute ineptitude!
So I just got this from the mail last week and decided to play through it, just to see if it was worth the $24.00 (plus shipping and handling) that I ever so generously offered them... no, seriously, consider this my one and only donation to Hit Maker (IF they get any of the money from Amazon, that is). Why? Because this game is crap! In fact, everything Hit Maker made is crap! They're usually forgettable and bland RPGs on the PSP... and I have to say "usually" now, because Hit Maker decided to put this mistake of an RPG on the PS3. Seriously, nothing works in this trainwreck!
Two gods - the god of life, and the god of death - are in the middle of war. Monsters infused with the souls of humans fight off people who seal souls away into the great beyond. On the other side of the fence, the main male character, Nine (seriously?), is stabbed in the back by his step brother, but he is saved from death, provided that he doesn't mind his soul being trapped within another person's - meet main female character, Aisha (that's better). Both of their souls inhabit one entity, and they're on a quest to stop the forces summoned by the god of life. I'd invest a bit more time into the story, because it sets itself up to be fairly interesting, if a little generic, given that it's a good vs evil type of setting. Unfortunately, the story never meets its full potential halfway due to some rather questionable writing, boring personalities, and bland voice acting. It's a whole heap of nothing that brings you into the fold. Hit Maker, your writers and voice actors ought to be trained to pull their heads in, put effort into what they're doing, and care enough about it to make it interesting, because the story is what keeps people interested these sorts of games where you're essentially stuck to dungeon crawling and turn based battles for 30+ hours! Jesus Christ!
There isn't much in the way of exploration or customization. The most you do when you go through a dungeon is look at the short branching paths, just for some treasure, like an item or something. Some chests contain magic spells. From the offensive spells that are nearly useless, to the statistic raising spells which are absolutely necessary, there's at least no shortage in an arsenal of magic. As for customization, there are some weapons and armors here and there, but that's about it. You could argue that you only have two characters in your party, but then I'd point you towards Resonance Of Fate - three characters; LOADS of options to choose from when pimping your guns and fighters! Yes yes, they were released at practically the exact same time, but still, there were opportunities!
The battle system is simple enough. It's turn based, and it's one entity against a monster or a few. There are two little quirks in the system - you switch between Nine (the swordsman) and Aisha (the mage) each turn, and you have to attack certain body parts in a specific order in order to damage the enemy and reap more post-battle benefits. In other words, you'll be required to make some specific decisions while your two characters, who switch each turn and attack, share the same HP, MP and CP - the latter is what allows you to perform actions, which could've timed your battles, but you're given a spell that restores it early on, and sort of begs the question - why is it there in the first place!?
The difficulty is never challenging in the "booh yah!!" sense, but more in the "man what a relief" sense. Having to memorize which body parts to hit in what order requires a lot of trial and error. If you get the right order, you'll damage them more, but if you hit the wrong spot, you'll enrage them, allowing them to deal more damage than they regularly would. This becomes quite annoying as you'll be losing all the time on account of hitting the wrong body part. Oh yeah, that's real challenging, you dickhead developers... Well, I guess it makes up for the fact that there isn't much of a variety of monsters...
One major setback is that the monsters are able to inflict status inflictions upon you... wait, did I say status inflictions? I meant stun infliction! Yes, the only one of the sort you'll come across is stun. Oh, they'll pepper it up by giving it different names like Sleep and Paralyze, but come on, where's Poison and Confusion? By the way, when inflicted, you'll be rendered unable to attack, and if one soul is infected, the other soul suffers, meaning you'll be denied opportunities to attack, so you'll have to sit there with your thumb up your ass while you wait until a random amount of turns pass...
Then there's the fact that it's so goddamn slow! The simplest of actions, like defeating a monster, takes quite a lot of time to do, because you'll need to attack all of its parts and reduce its HP to zero before it can be sealed away... and if you fail to seal it away, it'll come back even stronger. What, you mean I can't just kill it with my twin swords? Come on Hit Maker, this isn't funny! Again, I have to point out something that makes Resonance Of Fate awesome that Last Rebellion could've tried out; although there aren't many characters on our side, with thanks to its battle system being strategic and fast paced, there was a lot to keep you busy. The only thing Last Rebellion has you thinking about, other than ways to keep you from drifting into slumberland, is the order in which to attack the parts of enemies so that you don't get a permanent residence six feet under! That, fellow reader, is tedium at its finest! Dragon Warrior
If you ignore all the
This game is surprisingly short. Most RPGs tend to be at least 30 hours long, but this one is only about 15. It's like they just had to rush this out of the door because they couldn't think of any other way to bore us to death. So what it all boils down to, is that this is a really, really boring game, which might explain the shortness - why experience torturous boredom for any longer? Maybe this ought to be a form of torture used to make spies talk.
I suppose the impact of the monotony of it all would've been lessened, had the graphics been any good. Seriously, this looks like a *bleep*ing PS1 game... which makes sense, since it was meant to be a PSP title, and PSP games usually look like portable PS1 games, but you'd think that they'd step it up a notch for the PS3... guess not. I suppose they're meant to be charming in the sense that the bad graphics are actually just cheap and nostalgic, but it falls flat on its face in that department.
Now, a lot of people seem to like the soundtrack. I can understand why – because it's not complete crap like the rest of this game is. It tries to make every situation in the game seem more interesting, though it fails due to the situation's dry execution... that doesn't hurt the music. The music actually sounds good; nothing ultimately memorable, but hey, it's nice to listen to regardless. As for the voice acting, it sounds phoned in, like they just want to put in some voice acting. It's either nothing special (Aisha), or really annoying (Nine – he sounds like an angsty 15 year old inside a 19 year old's body), and it doesn't help move the story along... it just feels really half assed and bland!
Well, time to cross Hit Maker off the list, because this game sucks, their previous games have sucked, and it should be assumed that anything they do from here on out will suck.
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