Neoseeker.com Forum Thread: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1 - page 1

reprinted from http://www.neoseeker.com/forums/
original thread: http://www.neoseeker.com/forums/38223/t1825989-friends-till-end-chapter-1/


Author:   GameOver
Date:   Feb 02, 13 at 8:52pm (PST)
Subject:   Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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This is a story about Pokemon Trainer Leo. He is going on a quest to become a Pokemon Master! (Cliche, right?) Along the way, he might defeat other foe/friends that might stand in his way. And make inseperable friends that will last a lifetime!

This fanfic will be taking place in the Unova region. And, I plan on doing a chapter every 2-3 days.
So, let Leo's adventure begin!
( I will not be providing any info on Leo's apperance, I want you guys to decide on what he looks like.)

I woke up with a full moon streaming in through my bedroom window.
"Huh?" I said woozily. I looked around my room. The TV was showing a guy named Hilbert showing off his Zekrom.

I glanced at my clock. 3:26 glared at me. "Great, I get to stay awake for the next 4 hours." I grumbled.I sat up on my bed and looked out the window. The beautiful waters of Undella Bay shimmered out along the sandy beach.

"Hmm, it's hard to believe that I am becoming a Pokemon Trainer today."
"I wonder which starter Pokemon I should pick."

"Tepig, Oshawott, or Snivy? Nah, it's too much to think about right now." I setteled back into my bed.

As I closed my eyes I thought about what incredible Pokemon I would meet on my soon-to-be adventure.
Chapter 1: Finished


I would like any kind of feed back please!
And, you know I like the magic words "fan me."







Author:   VarietyBlack
Date:   Feb 02, 13 at 10:24pm (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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PikaPower, don't tell me you're trying to start a Pokéfiction rivalry with me now, as well...

Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but this is your first fanfiction, right? I'm of a mind that it is, so my feedback and comments will be from that standpoint. That said, here's my friendly advice:

► You're aware the plot is a cliché, so why not try something that navigates you away from the usual? Original stories are often more fun for readers. I mean, who wants to read the same story every time they open a fanfiction? The fact is, the more original the content, the more attractive it will be to your audience. Make them curious to see what happens. At this point, they could play one of the games or watch the anime and have "read" your story.

► The spelling and grammar isn't a problem, which I commend you for. There are minor things - nit-pickings if you will - that I could mention, but it's overall very comprehensible and appealing. This is often a problem area for beginning writers.

► Please tell me not all chapters will be so short. Chapters should really draw your audience into the story, make them connect with the characters and plot development; I don't know how you could really do that in 139 words (your first chapter's word count exactly). In truth, it should be at least triple what you posted, but I'm not going to be picky. I think you have more story you could tell than that per chapter; if you don't, it just feels unfinished. It leaves you wanting, but not in a good way.

I hope this kinda helps out. I'm glad people are navigating over to this community; it's a good one! Good luck with this; I may just fan if it develops!




Author:   GameOver
Date:   Feb 03, 13 at 7:22am (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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VarietyBlack
Thanks for the feedback!
And no. The chapters won't be that short. I am trying to think of some character developement. Maybe add in some new characters. Take away some... i'm not really not right now.



Author:   VarietyBlack
Date:   Feb 03, 13 at 8:51am (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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Hey, PikaPower, take some notes. Jot some ideas down somewhere, or put 'em in a Word document. Consider different angles and different plot ideas, then expand the ones you like most. Research the region you're using - in this case, Unova - and research the Pokemon in it. Look up things like behavior and special abilities, and apply that. I can really only advise you on what's worked for me, though, so, of course, dance to the beat of your own drum and do what's gonna work for you. I'm sure you'll be fine.



Author:   GameOver
Date:   Feb 03, 13 at 9:06am (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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quote VarietyBlack
Hey, PikaPower, take some notes. Jot some ideas down somewhere, or put 'em in a Word document. Consider different angles and different plot ideas, then expand the ones you like most. Research the region you're using - in this case, Unova - and research the Pokemon in it. Look up things like behavior and special abilities, and apply that. I can really only advise you on what's worked for me, though, so, of course, dance to the beat of your own drum and do what's gonna work for you. I'm sure you'll be fine.
Thanks.
I'll do my best.



Author:   VarietyBlack
Date:   Feb 09, 13 at 12:28pm (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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You still working on this, PikaPower?



Author:   GameOver
Date:   Feb 09, 13 at 1:01pm (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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quote VarietyBlack
You still working on this, PikaPower?
I am. I just havent had alot of time.



Author:   VarietyBlack
Date:   Feb 09, 13 at 1:14pm (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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quote PikaPower
quote VarietyBlack
You still working on this, PikaPower?
I am. I just havent had alot of time.
Go ahead and throw me on some kind of fan list.



Author:   GameOver
Date:   Feb 09, 13 at 1:17pm (PST)
Subject:   re: Friends Till The End. Chapter 1
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quote VarietyBlack
quote PikaPower
quote VarietyBlack
You still working on this, PikaPower?
I am. I just havent had alot of time.
Go ahead and throw me on some kind of fan list.
Alright.I'll add one i the OP


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