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Lilith: 'Ello, I wish to register a complaint.
(Mordecai does not respond.)
L: 'Ello, Miss?
M: What do you mean "miss"?
L: I'm sorry, I have a cold. I wish to make a complaint!
M: We're closin' for lunch.
L: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this skag what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.
M: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's,uh...What's wrong with it?
L: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!
M: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.
L: Look, matey, I know a dead skag when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.
M: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable creature, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful scales!
L: The scales don't enter into it. It's stone dead.
M: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!
L: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up!
'Ello, Mister Skully Skag! I've got a lovely fresh psycho midget for you if you show..
(Mordecai kicks the skag)
M: There, he moved!
L: No, he didn't, that was you kicking him!
M: I never!!
L: Yes, you did!
M: I never, never did anything...
L: (yelling and hitting the skag repeatedly) 'ELLO SKULLY!!!!!
Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!
(Lifts up the skag and thumps its head on the chest. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the ground.)
L: Now that's what I call a dead skag.
M: No, no.....No, 'e's dazed!
L: DAZED?!?
M: Yeah! You dazed him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, siren.
L: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That skag is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged retch.
M: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the gullies.
L: PININ' for the GULLIES?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?
M: The Norwegian Blue prefers kippin' on it's back! Remarkable animal, id'nit, squire? Lovely scales!
L: Look, I took the liberty of examining that skag in its cage when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.
(pause)
M: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that thing down, it would have went up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its tongue, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!
L: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this skag wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!
M: No no! 'E's pining!
L: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This skag is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker!
'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies!'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig!'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisibile!!
THIS IS AN EX-SKAG!!
(pause)
M: Well, I'd better replace it, then.
and at the end of those three days the winner of the last round will say their favorite caption and that will be the winner then so on and so forth. I will judge the first round 
.
