So, I've spent this afternoon doing handstands and reading Raising My Rainbow, a blog written by the mother of a gender-nonconforming child (that first bit isn't relevant, but sharing is caring).
It's generally more socially acceptable for girls to be 'tomboys' than for boys to have 'feminine' interests. C.J, the child of RMR, is a four-year-old boy who likes Barbie dolls, pink, ballet, nail polish, dresses, etc, etc, and reading about him has brought a few questions to mind.
Firstly, my fellow lobbyists, how would you feel about buying your (imaginary) son a barbie doll? Would you totally deny his request and get him something 'manly' instead? If so, why?
If you would go along with it, would you walk into the store with him, let him pick it out, and, basically, let it be obvious that you're buying a barbie for your son? Would that be something you'd be totally cool with, or something you had to psyche yourself up for? Or would you go through amazon or something, so it never comes up?
If you had a child like this, would you let him dress as he likes? In public? At school? Would this be a situation you'd find easy to deal with, internally, or something that would be hard for you to accept and cope with? Do you live in an area where this behaviour would be seen as highly unusual and suspicious, or would people not bat an eyelid? Does this affect your decisions?
“Baby dolls, absolutely. Barbie dolls? Redirect to something that doesn’t scream drag queen.” – Baba
“If by playing you mean ripping his sister’s barbies to shreds with tools he stole from dad’s workshed, sure. Redirection is in order for this situation. Get out the rescue hero guys or the lincoln logs for him to build barbie a summer home.” – Nate
“Definitely NOT!!!!!!! that’s why (there are) so many FREAKS in the world now…boys shouldn’t play with any Female dolls…ok nothing wrong with GI Joe cause they don’t have hair 1st of all and they are skinny lil men. Barbie (has) female parts and have hair and make up.” – Monique
“Boys should play with action figures and girls should play with dolls.” - Derrell
“There is too much ‘feminism of America’ and I admire my husband for his masculinity…boys should be ‘taught’ masculinity!” – Jan
I am personally of the opinion that those quotes are utter bollocks. Even Dr Phil acknowledged that sexuality is hardwired; not letting your children play and explore just tells them that you don't accept them as they are. That their feelings and gender-presentation are not acceptable.
Fly, my pretty princesses. Discuss!
LOD: Added tags
Thread Recap (last 10 posts from newest to oldest)
I would have absolutely no problem letting my child dress and act however they want to, or identify as whatever gender they want. I would be fully supportive, and let them know that whatever they choose to be in life, that i'll love and support them regardless. I would let them know about the difficulties they'll probably face, but let them know in every possible way that they won't do it alone, and that no matter what grief they're given, they should never be ashamed of who they are. I also wouldn't have any problem letting people know that this is my child, and who they are is who they are. I wouldn't be ashamed at all, or have to psyche myself up.
Basically this, especially the part about the difficulties they'd face. I know the child would get a lot of harsh comments and maybe even be bullied for it but I'd still let them dress and act how they liked, making sure they got all the support they needed and that they knew they might be facing a tough time and a lot of negative attitudes.
Feb 29, 12 at 6:28pm
Severance
Well maybe it's just my area, but I never see a kid walking round doing ballet, wearing pink. If you went into school like that there's no question you'd be bullied for being weird and different. A normal child would be out with their mates, probably playing football (I'm not saying that if you don't like it or play it you aren't normal) and not doing ballet in a tutu.
So to answer you're question, I wasn't really stating what was normal because we all perceive "normal" as different things, but this definitely wouldn't be normal. Like that Fosters' advert, I'm not saying one is right and one is wrong, but the other one is definitely wrong.
He'd wear a football kit and play football, like any normal child would be.
How are you defining 'normal' here, and why do you think this is it? It isn't clear from your post - you appear to take those things as priors and assume everyone will be on the same page.
Feb 29, 12 at 4:48pm
dyeriuss
i just bought my best friends brother a barbie ^.^ he loves it lol but then again he lives with his mom his sister and his sisters best friend ex-gf (me) hes had alot of girl influence!
Feb 29, 12 at 4:53am
Roy
It's all about being comfortable to have a choice and being comfortable in your own skin, without worrying what others think or do.
Wasn't Action Man made as the boys' alternative to Barbie? If my son wanted a barbie, he'd get an Action Man. Nor would he be wearing pink and he definitely wouldn't be doing ballet. He'd wear a football kit and play football, like any normal child would be.
Why not? Jean Claude Van Dam did ballet for years and his not even remotely gay or messed up from it.I think people should let their kids be what they want to be, not what their parents wants them to be.
Feb 29, 12 at 3:38am
Tiger go Meow
My general opinion on boys asking for barbies, and dresses:
I don't think it is developmentally unhealthy to let a child play with the toys of the opposite gender. There is no real impact on that child psychologically when they select a barbie over a G.I. Joe. The only real impact is in the societal roles, and how other people--beyond that child and that child's parents--will view the situation. In the situation where a boy wants a Barbie instead of Joe, I'd simply let them know that it isn't a boy's toy but if he still wants one I'll buy it for him. Screaming, reacting poorly/violently, or anything else towards the child that negates his preference could be seen as a sort of "emotional invalidation."
Emotional invalidation is more unhealthy for the developing psyche of a child than whether or not they prefer pink over blue, Barbie over Joe, or want to wear skirts rather than shorts. I don't really think gender identity is something that is reliant on appearances as long as that kid playing with that barbie understands he is a boy, and if he grows up gay, or uncomfortable in his gender, so what?
If I were to have a son, he will be taught what and who he is on the biological side of things, but I would never dream of telling a child how they can feel, and react poorly to them wanting something girly. The same goes in reverse for a girl. It's just not right, and a lot of the intolerance society has today is because of morals and traditions and standards they were taught during those earlier stages when the very foundations of their psyche were developing.
Feb 29, 12 at 3:23am
Severance
Wasn't Action Man made as the boys' alternative to Barbie? If my son wanted a barbie, he'd get an Action Man. Nor would he be wearing pink and he definitely wouldn't be doing ballet. He'd wear a football kit and play football, like any normal child would be.
Feb 29, 12 at 12:49am
ShadowCrystallux
Well- anyway- back onto the main topic. I don't believe its that much of a problem for boys to play with barbies. I mean- I didn't personally, I also hate pink. Although I do like purple but I wouldn't wear it. A few people were worried about my childhood as I appeared a little queer. When your young, you should be living your life to the fullest and learning right from wrong, not culturally praised and shunned. In modern society, we aren't generally nice to boys who are in touch with their feminine side.
Feb 29, 12 at 12:41am
Traydor
Chelskiman - I'm not saying the kids are in the wrong. I'm saying that a society that predominantly sends that message about female characters bothers me.
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