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hideOriginal Post

Jul 19, 08 at 1:31amLukas


Hello all! Mainly just dumping reviews that I type out for all you wonderful people. My main platforms are PS3, PS2 and PC but there'll be some room for other consoles.

Reviews from 2008-current in reverse order:

A Nightmare On Elm Street
Gargoyle's Quest 2
Gargoyle's Quest
Resident Evil
Bomberman Hero
Persona 3
Metal Gear Rising: Revengeance
Spyro 2: Ripto's Rage
Murdered: Soul Suspect
Cthulhu Saves The World
Spyro The Dragon
Spelunky
The Binding Of Isaac
Star Wars Episode 1: Racer
South Park: The Stick Of Truth
Godzilla 2014
Altered Beast (NES)
Ratchet & Clank: Into The Nexus
Guacamelee
Final Fantasy IV
Mark Of The Ninja
Super House Of Dead Ninjas
Cave Story+
Final Fantasy X
Assassin's Creed 3
Jak & Daxter
Sleeping Dogs
Plants vs Zombies
Naruto: Ultimate Ninja Storm
Ratchet & Clank: Going Commando
Kingdom Hearts 2
Prince Of Persia 2008
Darksiders 2
Half Life
Max Payne
Kid Icarus: Uprising
Assassin's Creed 2
Assassin's Creed
Soul Calibur 5
Kingdom Hearts
Sequence
The White Chamber
Shank
Limbo
Capsized
Shadows Of The Damned
Ar Tonelico Qoga: Knell Of Ar Ciel
God Of War 2
Bodycount
The Legend Of Zelda: Wind Waker
God Of War
Splatterhouse
LA Noire
Eternal Sonata
Dante's Inferno
Trinity: Souls Of Zill Oll
Bulletstorm
Knights Contract
Blade Kitten
WET
Mega Man 2
Mega Man
Bonkers
Enslaved: Odyssey To The West
Heavenly Sword
Banjo-Kazooie
Vectorman
Heavy Rain
Ratchet & Clank
Bayonetta
Final Fantasy XIII
Darksiders
Rival Turf
Super Ghouls 'N Ghosts
Bionic Command 2009
Silver Surfer
Viking: Battle For Asgard
Wild Guns
Ninja Gaiden 2
Super Paper Mario
Sega Superstars Tennis
Super Mario Land
Duck Tales
The Darkness
Mirror's Edge
Street Fighter 2
Legendary Wings
Snake, Rattle & Roll
The Mark Of Kri
Adventures In The Magic Kingdom
Deadly Towers
Yo! Noid
Rampage
Alex Kidd In Miracle World
F-16 Fighting Falcon
Soul Calibur 2
Varsity Blues
Monster Party
Crystalis
Karate Kid
Mega Man 9
Castlevania: The Adventure
Lair
Journey To Silius
Final Fantasy XII
Transformers: Convoy No Nazo
Ice Climber
Super Contra
Contra


Rating System:
0 - *bleep* you
Games that are really really *bleep*ing bad get this score. Thankfully, it's only reserved for the likes of Ninjabread Man and Superman 64.

1 - Mi Krop
These games *bleep*ing suck.

2 - Shit
These games are pretty bad, but you know for a fact that there's worse out there.

3 - Bad
Eh, they mean well at least. That... counts for something, right?

4 - Below average
They do more wrong than right, but aren't that offensive.

5 - Average
Like a void of nothing. Just... complete nothingness.

6 - Above average
They do more right then wrong, but aren't really good.

7 - Good
They tend to be good, but they have some screws loose that stop them from being OH MY GOD MUST BUY!!!

8 - Great
Besides some small issues, these tend to kick ass and chew bubblegum.

9 - *bleep*ing excellent
Why the *bleep* haven't you got this already? What are you waiting for, Nintendo to release it?

10 - Better than sex!!!
Just as rare as the *bleep* You rating, this is reserved for the very absolute *bleep*ing best of the best.


There you have it.

Thread Recap (last 10 posts from newest to oldest)

Nov 21, 14 at 11:11pm
Monterey Jack


quote Lukas
they're things that become a problem at first, but the further into the game you get, the less likely you are to really take issue with it. really, the only problem is that the boss fights chew hairy assholes.
d'oh! missed such an obvious point!



Nov 15, 14 at 7:02pm
Lukas


quote Monterey Jack
same sort of thing with the Resident Evil review in that he starts by basically going "oh it's aged well enough" but then goes on about how the tank controls and camera angles haven't aged that well. feels like he rushed that review out or he forgot what he had written or something. and I agree that the score's too high.
they're things that become a problem at first, but the further into the game you get, the less likely you are to really take issue with it. really, the only problem is that the boss fights chew hairy assholes.

quote Watain
on the Resident Evil one, it's good up until that final paragraph, which you could easily condense into a couple of sentences you could attach to the end of the paragraph above it. plus that score just seems a bit high.
condensed and lowered.

quote Watain
and finally... something just seems a bit off in this review compared to what you'd usually write, like you're a lot more mellow than usual. even when you're simply recounting your experience with Resident Evil 1, I get the excitement you had once it clicked for you, or your general apathy of when it did nothing for you. Gargoyle's Quest? I don't know man... you talking about the sidescrolling levels and bosses works well, but the other stuff just sounds less apathetic and more mellow, which I think is a weakness of yours. you're not as good when you're totally mellow as you are when you're able to convey emotion into your writing. I know this sounds like really *bleep*ing pretentious, but it's the best way to put it, really.
like Monterey Jack said, I'm not really seeing the problem. if it's the fact that I'm not raving and ranting, that's mainly because there's nothing to really rave and rant about besides the sidescrolling levels and bosses. everything else besides the sound and graphics were just... there. it's difficult to really give a strong opinion on something mediocre like the overworld segments.



Nov 15, 14 at 5:38am
Monterey Jack


quote Watain
something just seems a bit off in this review compared to what you'd usually write, like you're a lot more mellow than usual. even when you're simply recounting your experience with Resident Evil 1, I get the excitement you had once it clicked for you, or your general apathy of when it did nothing for you. Gargoyle's Quest? I don't know man... you talking about the sidescrolling levels and bosses works well, but the other stuff just sounds less apathetic and more mellow, which I think is a weakness of yours. you're not as good when you're totally mellow as you are when you're able to convey emotion into your writing.
only really seeing this when he talks about the graphics. on the whole though, that's not the problem I'm seeing - what I am seeing are a few sentences that make like no sense whatsoever. just seems like Lukas forgot to read the review over to make sure it makes sense.

same sort of thing with the Resident Evil review in that he starts by basically going "oh it's aged well enough" but then goes on about how the tank controls and camera angles haven't aged that well. feels like he rushed that review out or he forgot what he had written or something. and I agree that the score's too high.

hate to be that guy but they're not your best mate.



Nov 05, 14 at 5:27am
Watain


just read your last two reviews.

on the Resident Evil one, it's good up until that final paragraph, which you could easily condense into a couple of sentences you could attach to the end of the paragraph above it. plus that score just seems a bit high.

as for the Gargoyle's Quest one, it's good, but again, score's a bit too high. this part also makes no sense:

quote
Ditto for the world map – it's like they wanted to have experience points and sidequests, but they couldn't fit them in or Nintendo were rushing them to finish it up. But it's like half finished as not only is it there, but you also get random encounters that earn you like 2 vials a piece (meaningless compared to finding a ton and a half in the dungeons AND you keep them even after losing all of your lives), you find one upgrade near a town and there's a secret passage to the fourth dungeon.
and finally... something just seems a bit off in this review compared to what you'd usually write, like you're a lot more mellow than usual. even when you're simply recounting your experience with Resident Evil 1, I get the excitement you had once it clicked for you, or your general apathy of when it did nothing for you. Gargoyle's Quest? I don't know man... you talking about the sidescrolling levels and bosses works well, but the other stuff just sounds less apathetic and more mellow, which I think is a weakness of yours. you're not as good when you're totally mellow as you are when you're able to convey emotion into your writing. I know this sounds like really *bleep*ing pretentious, but it's the best way to put it, really.



Sep 25, 14 at 9:16pm
Lukas


quote Watain
is it just me, or does it sort of seem like you lost sight of your original point of it being confused as you go on in the review?
maybe I didn't articulate enough that it tries to make the visual novel stuff bigger than what it really is, like it tries to be a big deal when it's really just a distraction or part of the whole "teenagers with teenage issues live a normal life by day and slay demons by night" thing. Persona 4, at least based on a Lets Play I watched (back when I watched those videos), was a step in the right direction as it added to the overall theme and thus I thought it kind of deserved to have the amount of importance it had, though I guess I should actually play that one day. Persona 3's was literally an entertaining distraction.

quote Watain
not to mention that you kind of glossed over the major theme - I mean, you talked about it a bit with the characters, but not enough I feel. what about the fact that they have to "shoot" themselves in the head to summon their Personas?
I don't know man, I feel like I've explained enough. unless you mean some of the religious overtones in the second half of the game? I'll try and fit that into the rest of the review somehow.

quote Watain
also, why the original version and not FES?
that's the version I played matey. but nah, I guess you want me to add in at the end "go get FES that version's got more cool shit"??



Sep 25, 14 at 9:18am
Watain


^ lol

Lukas, I just read your Persona 3 review - is it just me, or does it sort of seem like you lost sight of your original point of it being confused as you go on in the review? you certainly get into why it's uneven and how there's heaps of cool shit, but confused? not to mention that you kind of glossed over the major theme - I mean, you talked about it a bit with the characters, but not enough I feel. what about the fact that they have to "shoot" themselves in the head to summon their Personas? the rest of the review is excellent, which is why I'm even more annoyed by what it's missing.

also, why the original version and not FES?



Sep 22, 14 at 7:03pm
Jak


quote Revengeance review
Platinum Games were likely hard at work on The Wonderful 101 and didn't want to be disturbed, especially with what would end up needing to be done on a fairly tight deadline – the sort that'd probably kill Jari Maenpaa (of Wintersun fame) considering that he takes approximately 40000 years to write one song.
B-b-but writing and playing music is hard work! I had to quit my job just to make Time happen! I'm the greatest musician on the face of the Earth - give me more money, Nuclear Blast!



Sep 20, 14 at 8:57pm
Lukas


quote Stalagmite
quote Lukas
most of it boils down to the fact that it was really short and rushed. what was there was all fun and exciting, but on the whole, you could get that out of any of the other Ratchet And Clank games but way better! I get that it's a bit of an unfair double standard, but that's sadly how it is.
Just struck me as odd since even based on what you've said here, it doesn't really sound like it was rushed (besides the story's pacing). You never even made an effort to make it sound like a lesser Ratchet And Clank game; you actually make it sound like the best game since Up Your Arsenal!
d'oh! I guess I was just trying to cushion people from that revelation by sounding all excited and shit. or whatever, I don't even *bleep*ing know, it's been six months.

quote Stalagmite
quote Lukas
hey, you'll have to ask Revengeance how that feels since it won't have the rest of the series to worry about with its final grade (partially because of its different gameplay style and partially because Revengeance is the only Metal Gear game I've actually finished). it's just short, rushed, redundant in its longer levels and poorly written with a side helping of an occasionally bad camera and kind of wonky Blade Mode (*bleep* YOU FINAL BOSS!!!!).
But because the bosses are so awesome and the levels are fun before they get boring, the game is good by default.

Sorry, I just find that the combat engine is loose and doesn't feel as good as the likes of Bayonetta, Devil May Cry and God Of War... oh wait, I forgot you're not a huge God Of War fan. :3
yeah sorry God Of War's got some neat shit, but the actual combat just doesn't have that X factor Bayonetta, Devil May Cry and Ninja Gaiden have, and since it's kind of a big *bleep*ing deal, that's what stops me from being a full on fan of the series.

And you bet your sweet bippy the game's good, just not great!



Sep 14, 14 at 6:56am
Stalagmite


quote Lukas
most of it boils down to the fact that it was really short and rushed. what was there was all fun and exciting, but on the whole, you could get that out of any of the other Ratchet And Clank games but way better! I get that it's a bit of an unfair double standard, but that's sadly how it is.
Just struck me as odd since even based on what you've said here, it doesn't really sound like it was rushed (besides the story's pacing). You never even made an effort to make it sound like a lesser Ratchet And Clank game; you actually make it sound like the best game since Up Your Arsenal!

quote Lukas
hey, you'll have to ask Revengeance how that feels since it won't have the rest of the series to worry about with its final grade (partially because of its different gameplay style and partially because Revengeance is the only Metal Gear game I've actually finished). it's just short, rushed, redundant in its longer levels and poorly written with a side helping of an occasionally bad camera and kind of wonky Blade Mode (*bleep* YOU FINAL BOSS!!!!).
But because the bosses are so awesome and the levels are fun before they get boring, the game is good by default.

Sorry, I just find that the combat engine is loose and doesn't feel as good as the likes of Bayonetta, Devil May Cry and God Of War... oh wait, I forgot you're not a huge God Of War fan. :3



Sep 05, 14 at 10:21am
Lukas


quote Solid Snake 4Life
Reading through your Riptos Rage review Lukas and I just noticed in the first paragraph you wrote something like "It's not as if all the improvements are home runners" when it should just be home runs

Unless this is a reference to something that just flew over my head lol.
i actually thought home runners was the correct term.

quote Stalagmite
it's a tad odd considering you've given Into The Nexus a 7.5 despite everything you've said making it sound like you were going to give it an 8/10 rating.
most of it boils down to the fact that it was really short and rushed. what was there was all fun and exciting, but on the whole, you could get that out of any of the other Ratchet And Clank games but way better! I get that it's a bit of an unfair double standard, but that's sadly how it is.

hey, you'll have to ask Revengeance how that feels since it won't have the rest of the series to worry about with its final grade (partially because of its different gameplay style and partially because Revengeance is the only Metal Gear game I've actually finished). it's just short, rushed, redundant in its longer levels and poorly written with a side helping of an occasionally bad camera and kind of wonky Blade Mode (*bleep* YOU FINAL BOSS!!!!).



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