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Dark Match)
Funaki and Orlando Jordan d. John Heidenrich and Brad Cooper
The crowd popped huge for Funaki. Heidenrich and Cooper worked like old school heels. Nothing that stood out really. Funaki cleaned house and rolled Cooper in a small package for the win.
Matthews and DeMott come out for Velocity. A small delay, then the pyro.
Velocity -
FBI d. Billy Kidman/Paul London
Nunzio was still playing up his beating by the Taker by first running away from Kidman, then slapping Kidman...and running away from him. Paul London had a nice move where he jumped off the middle rope and stomped a charing Bull (ha ha) in the back. The match ends when the Bull shoves Kidman off the top rope and Nunzio gets the quick pin.
The mirror is brought out for Mark Jindrak.
Mark Jindrak w/ Teddy Long d. Shannon Moore
Before the match, we get the usual mic work from Teddy Long. Jindrak really dominated the match, at one point folding Moore with a clothesline. Jindrak dropkicked Moore then went right into his excercise routine. It was actually a little impressive since he really landed and did a push up in one motion. The match ends when Jindrak turns a crossbody into a gut buster, then hits the reflection of perfection.
Lil Nache comes back out and gets a monster pop and some WOOOOOOOOs. He was a bit surprised.
Billy Gunn d. Sakoda
First of all, Sakoda looks more mexican than japanese. Sakoda gets slapped around for a while before hiding behind Lil Nache. Gunn wins with the fameasser, and no one cared until the finish.
Cole and Tazz come out to Tazz's music.
Smackdown -
After the usual recap of last week, the show starts with General Manager Kurt Angle on the screen. He says that as general manager, he's forced with tough decisions. He announces that not only will Eddie Guerrero be here tonight, but he's going to wrestle. He tells Eddie that he has responsibilities as champion to the fans and to Angle himself. Angle also announces that that EMTs will be on hand at ringside during the entire match if Eddie collapses...no...WHEN he collapses.
Pyro...
The Dudleys d. Rob Van Dam and Rey Mysterio
RVD has pyro again...who knew. It's what you'd expect from a match with the Dudleys and someone bigger than Rey. He played the helpless face. When the match started, Bubba kept reminding Rey that he was small. They did a test of strength and Rey won out by bending Bubba's fingers. During the match, Paul Heyman made his way to the front row through the crowd to a large ECW chant. After that, a "we want tables" chant broke out, to which Bubba responded "You ain't getting nothing." Rey got his second wind, moving from a D Von splash then throwing Bubba outside. Rey hits the 619 on D Von. He goes to the outside and Heyman jumps the railing and yanks Rey into the ring apron. Bubba grabs Rey and bodypresses him onto the announce table. RVD launches himself over the top and takes out Bubba. Heyman quickly rolls Rey into the ring and D Von pins him.
After a promo for the Great American Bash, a lengthy delay, and a random Angle Sucks chant we're backstage with the Dudleys. They're celebrating and Heyman is trying to get back into their locker room. He gets half way in and calls the security guard a facist bastard. Heyman proceeds to slap D Von and gets strangled by Bubba. Paul asks why they're happy after winning a match. They've been winning matches for 8 years. He reminds Bubba that he beat Eddie Guerrero, but he never got that main event shot. Why? Because they don't make an impact. He tells the Dudleys, tonight, to pick a victim and make an impact..even if it's him.
We come back from commercial and Michael Cole is in the ring. Word has come from Mr. Angle that the number one contender for the Great American Bash has been named. It's his next guest, John "Bradshaw" Leyfield. After the limo entrance, a recap of Judgement Day and last week is shown. After that ends, Cole asks what kind of man JBL is for pinning a helpless Eddie Guerrero, which got a big pop and started an "Eddie" chant. JBL grabs the mic and tells Cole never to question his manhood again, or he'll slap him into next week. Cole gets out of the ring.
JBL tells us what kind of man he is. He's a business man. A very smart and very rich business man. He says nothing was wrong with Eddie last week. Simply that Eddie didn't want to take another beating from JBL and he just layed down. Eddie is a coward, and what is wrong with America. Everyone in America is weak, and JBL is not. He says the beating he gave Eddie and Judgement Day was legendary, and the beating he's going to give Eddie at the Bash is going to be almost criminal. He says the belt should be his, which set the crowd off. Next week JBL is going to name the stipulation for their match and assures us that it's something we're all going to enjoy. End of promo. On the way to the back, JBL made Brian Hebner jump about 5 feet to the right when he acted like he was going to hit him. We're shown a promo video for the Divas DVD. They focused quite heavily on the women's wrestling from Raw...good confidence there.
Booker T d. Scotty 2 Hotty.
Scotty punched, kicked, and lost via sidekick. Total squash. After the match..yo, check it out, Booker has the mic. He says that he wants the Undertaker next week. He's interrupted by the lights going out and the ring filling with smoke. He says he's not scared, then "lightning" strikes the post. Booker looks around and then "lightning" strikes all four posts. Booker admits the Undertaker might be a little scary, but he's still going to beat him next week. Now can you dig that, sucka?
Out come the EMTs for Eddie's match.
Smackdown of the Night: Mordecai.
We come back and we see Mordecai surrounded by candles, kneeling infront of his sword. He says that he hears "his" voice echoing in his head. That he's going to punish people and make them suffer. He's picked his first sinner. Somone who soiled "his" house with false idolitry. This has just begun. He looks cooler on TV...
Eddie Guerrero vs. Danny Basham
Eddie comes out in the lowrider and is in there for what seemed like a long time. He got out and had a bit of that wide-eyed look from last week. Eddie yells at the EMTS then throws their gear and the stretcher around. He gets in the ring and tosses both Bashams out. He plays up to the crowd when General Manager Angle comes out and says he's been fooled. He's not just responsible for Eddie Guerrero being the champion, but he's also legally responsible for Eddie. He says that Eddie is not allowed to wrestle again until he sits down and signs a release. The Bashams came back and tried to attack, but Eddie handled him. The ringside guys make him stay in the ring and pose for a while until he eventually low rided out.
Almost immediately after that, General Manager Angle popped up on that little platform...then went back down.
It's announced that there will be a diva Summer Bikini Blastoff next week, or something to that effect.
Spike Dudley and Torrie Wilson d. Jamie Noble (Boy) and Dawn Marie
I honestly think Torrie weighs more than Spike, and that's not an insult to Torrie. Torrie's pants sagged down almost instantly, which was a nice treat. Torrie is thrown into the ropes and Noble hits her in the back. Spike then chases him around the ring. Running away from Spike...lord...anyway, the match ends when Spike hits the Dudley Dog onto Dawn for the pin. Both women looked good and there was simply too much ass from where I was sitting (directly infront of Dawn) to concentrate.
During this break, a guy near the front who looked exactly like Shelton Benjamin almost got into a fight with another guy.
We're treated to a video for the "bronze warrior" Kenzo Suzuki.
We're now backstage with Rico and Charlie Haas. They're talking about Miss Jackie and her bikini for the contest next week. We're shown Jackie behind a curtain. She has one more string to tie. She comes out, drops her robe, and we're given the between the legs camera. She asks what they think and Haas' mouth drops, while Rico starts telling her it's all wrong. The color scheme is all wrong, it shows too much skin on the left and...well, you get it. He tells her to go put on the OTHER one. As she goes back to change, Haas stands up and tries to watch. He's not listening to Rico and Rico slaps him on the ass to get his attention. While they're standing, Haas uses cleaver placement of the title belt to cover something up. Rico talks about Miss Jackie's OTHER bikini and tells Haas if he thinks that one is great, he should look at this. Rico drops his robe and models a speedo for Charlie. He asks what he thinks. Haas tells him it's all wrong. The color scheme is just horrible and that Rico, too, should put on the OTHER one. Rico smiles, thanks Charles for the great idea, and pinches him on the cheek. Segement ends with Haas asking himself what the hell he's doing.
We go to another segment, this time with John Cena in General Manager Angle's office. Kurt is upset because Cena went to the board of directors and pitched HIS idea for the Bash.Cena basically turns up the blackness and makes this watchable. After Kurt's rant, Cena tells him pentalty: illegal use of the mouth. Angle tells Cena that he can't wait for a Frenchman to become United States champion, and that he and Luther will be at ringside for the match.
We're now shown the outside of Chavo Classic's locker room. He has a large sign on it that says "Chavo Classic: WWE Cruiserweight Champion." Chavo barges in and Classic yells at him for not knocking, then slams the door in his face. Chavo knocks and asks Classic if he's ready. Classic opens the door and is all smiles. He's so ready, infact, he wants Chavo to go out first and introduce him. Tonight, the Crusierweight title is going old school.
Slam of the Week: Chavo Classic's win last week.
Oooooooooh Chaaaaaaavo... Chavo cuts a small promo and says that at first he was shocked and very upset about losing the title last week. But after some time, he's glad that it at least stayed in the family. He then brings out the greatest dad in the world, Chavo Classic. Classic is sporting his best Ric Flair robe.
Chavo Classic d. Akio
If you watch this match, it makes you appreciate how well Ric Flair works at his age. Chavo Classic took a few punches and kicks, delt them out also, but really couldn't do much more. Akio hit an amazing corkscrew moonsault on Classic for a two, thanks to Chavo. Classic dumped Akio on the outside, where Chavo hit a tornado DDT on Akio. He rolled Akio into the ring and Classic got the pin. Like someone in the section said, Chavo Classic gave him a jurassic ass whooping.
We're taken to the parking lot where the Dudleys are trying to put someone in the trunk of a car. After slamming the trunk on the person a few times, they get in and speed away. Paul Heyman enters the picture and picks up the urn on the ground, kisses it, and laughs.
After what seemed like 10 minutes of the t-shirt guy, the lumberjacks come out.
General Manager Angle comes out on the Anglemobile. Picture the pope mobile as a covered zamboni with Angle ontop. As Cena comes out, you can see Funaki doing his world life thing with his hands. Pretty funny.
John Cena d. Rene Dupree w/ Fifi
Dupree dominates from the very start. Eventually, Cena throws him to the outside directly infront of Rico. The crowd goes nuts. Dupree gets up and sees Rico doing his little grinding thing. Dupree shoves Rico and Haas grabs him from behind. He holds his hands away as Rico plants a giant kiss on him. Rico does the finger wave and the head shake as Dupree is thrown back in.
Dupree regains control and throws Cena outside and into the Anglemobile. A small "fight" breaks out between all of the lumberjacks as Cena goes back inside. Dupree does his little schuffle and drops an elbow on Cena. He follows it up with a reverse chinlock. He picks Cena up and sends him into the ropes, which Booker pulls down
the top. Now all hell breaks loose. I suggest watching for Scotty strangling Chavo. He got a little carried away. Anyway, Cena is thrown back in for a series of near falls, a Dupree schuffle, and another two count.
Cena counters a piledriver into a backdrop. Dupree hangs on, but Cena drops down and punches Dupree. Dupree goes for a clothesline, Cena ducks and hits the FU for the pin.
The face lumberjacks come in the ring to celebrate with Cena, at one point hoisting him up on their shoulders so he could taunt General Manager Angle.
The match itself was nothing spectacular. Dupree dominated the whole time. If it weren't for the lumberjacks (Rey and Rico most noteably) starting chants and clapping, there would have been next to nothing reaction wise.
After the Show:
Luther actually pulls the Anglemobile to the back. Cena gets on the mic and says we should let the WWE's version of Dr Evil know how much he sucks. He then asks us if Milwaukee is in this place tonight. A good pop. He says that pop was just good enough for "somewhere in Oaklahoma, or maybe New York or something." So he asks us if Milwaukee is really in this beyotch or what. A loud pop, for which Cena tells us we're on par for Los Angeles. He asks, a third time, if Milwaukee is really up in this bitch tonight and the place goes nuts. After the pop, a Cena chant breaks out.
Cena tells us that what we see in the ring is bigger than rap, bigger than wrestling, it's love. And he couldn't have done it without any of these guys watching his back...he turns to Rico and says he doesn't have to worry about Rico not watching his back. He's not going to judge him, it IS 2004, but he just doesn't swing that way. He says this is all family, and he loves each and every one of us. He says they feel it, they believe it, and they're willing to put their lifes on the line every night for us. Peace out, goodnight.
WWE RAW did a 3.5 rating this week off hours of 3.3 and 3.7. That is down from a 4.0 last week.
Velocity did a 0.4, one of its lowest ratings ever.
WWE Experience did a 0.5; WWE Heat did a 0.8.
