DBNL (The Vengeance Saga)- Paolo621's fanfic

Hey guys, time for me to start my own fanfic, i know i have to compete with the rest of the top writers but ill give it a shot non the less, and before anyone says owt, yes i did get permission off Enth. and if you leave a comment(which i hope you guys will) can you make them interesting to keep the thread flowing. thnx for reading and now for the episode.

Episode 1: A New Story Unfolds

this story is set in a far away galaxy (set after majin buu has been defeated- so thiis like GT lol). With new characters and new enemies. Flux, (one of the main characters in this story) a human looking alien from the planet Thrax, is seeking revenge on a space pirate and his men, for enslaving his entire race. After barely escaping their arrival, he trains hard hoping one day he will find the pirate and bring him down.

And after years of searching......

Flux: Finally!! I've found you!!

Flux has dark, brown, spiky hair. He wears a black biker like jacket with green stripes on his biceps and his sides of the jacket. He also has a dark green shirt under his jacket and is wearing black pants with the same type of design as his jacket. He is wearing black, padded knuckled gloves and has a slash like scar on his right eye.

????: hmmm. so boy.... what business do you have with me??

the space pirate is wearing blaack armour on his chest, hands and legs including his feet. He has red pants and a red top underneath his armour. He wears a red and black scarf and has a hood which shadows out hi face.

Flux: You know what I'm here for you dirty pirate!!

????: Is there any other kind?? Wait, ahh your that thraxian, Flux right?

Flux: how do you.... doesn't matter, because its the last name you'll ever remember!!

Flux bursts towards the pirate and swings with all he has hoping to land it, but the warrior catches Flux's arm and pulls it past him.

????: Naive boy!!

The warrior the punches Flu in the stomach leaving him gasping for air.

????:hmf, i expected a challenge, and all i got was a worthless excuse for a thraxian.

The warrior then chops Flux on the back of the neck, knocking him out cold. The warrior then catches Flux in his arms and places him down, sat up against a wall

????: You won't die today boy. Not today.

The mysterious warrior then takes off and teleports away. hours later Flux awakens only to find himself bruised and beaten, with his pride hurt.

Flux: huh.... what happened?

Stranger: hey, you ok over there??

the stranger runs towards Flux and help him up

Stranger: lets get you to a hospital.

Flux: No I'm fine, just a scratch and a couple of bruises, that's all.

Stranger: Who did this to you??

Flux: No one of your concern. its my problem, i don't want to burden anyone else.

Stranger: i understand. but please let me take you to a hospital, just in case.

The stranger takes flux to a nearby hospital to get him checked out.

Doctor: well you seem to be fine, just minor injuries nothing to worry about. your free to go.

Flux: well i could of told you that. psh!!

Flux gets up and leaves only to bump into the man who helped him.

stranger: So, how are you feeling??

Flux: fine, the doc gave me the all clear. By the way what is this planet called??

Stranger: good good. Oh before you go take this. *gives flux a piece of paper* its for a tournament, just downtown. You look like a fighter; i thought you would be interested, and this is the planet Jarontas, north galaxy.

Flux: thanks *in mind* maybe the prize money can help me get out of here. Plus I might meet some good fighters.

Flux takes off towards the martial art tournament.
The camera then turns to the stranger.

Stranger: well, the kid certainly seems capable.

Elder kai walks from off scene

Elder kai: yes, he could help us greatly. Don't you think??

The stranger turns out to be kibito kai.

Kibito kai: I'm sure he can help us. And we will soon see how he fairs in battle.

what does kibito kai want from flux?? who is this mysterious warrior??? and will people like this fanfic??

find out soon the next episode of DBNL

the first amount of episodes will be explaining things before the real fun begins if evryone doesnt mind???

Flux(Super Thraxian)


Phoenix(Base Form)


Lexile(Super Saiyan)


Frozt(base Form)

thnx man, and Pirates is th only thing that popped into my head lol,and i thought it would be a gud twist, like usually its just, hhhmmmm, i dont like this planet, lets blow it up or, i want to take over the universe!!! ya wat i mean?? sorry bit astray in my own thread lol

well maybe you can PM me your ideas and any you give me, ill give credit in that episode, how about it?? and you cant write your own fanfic!!! you have to read mine lol

quote

this story is set in a far away galaxy (set after majin buu has been defeated- so thiis like GT lol). With new characters and new enemies. Flux, (one of the main characters in this story) a human looking alien from the planet Thrax, is seeking revenge on a space pirate and his men, for enslaving his entire race. After barely escaping their arrival, he trains hard hoping one day he will find the pirate and bring him down.

And after years of searching......

Flux: Finally!! I've found you!!

I dislike the character name, and that it suddenly goes: "And after years of searching"

Otherwise, it's great. Especially that you actually describe the characters. I hate seeing things like this...

quote

Then Goku looked at his opponent. He looked like a Super Saiyan 4, but better, and with green hair.

Goku:"Ok Vegeta, lets turn SSJ5 and fuse"

Vegeta:"Good idea Goku, hopefully Gojuub can hold him off long enough"

As long as you steer clear of the usual DBAF garbage you find on the net this should be great.

Edit: BTW, what does NL mean?

The story is looking good so far, I just hope you won't make this too AF-ish, with things as a SSJ10, a four double fusion etc. I advise that you stick with SSJ 4 and don't make any forms beyond that, but that's up to you to decide. I know it's tough when you have to keep the main characters' power restricted when the enemies keep getting stronger and stronger, I noticed this with my own story. You have to find believable ways to finish the enemies off without having Goku simply reach a new SSJ form and kick their asses. I hope you can produce something good, and not just another AF like kind of story. Good luck

quote G_O_G_E_T_A

The story is looking good so far, I just hope you won't make this too AF-ish, with things as a SSJ10, a four double fusion etc. I advise that you stick with SSJ 4 and don't make any forms beyond that, but that's up to you to decide. I know it's tough when you have to keep the main characters' power restricted when the enemies keep getting stronger and stronger, I noticed this with my own story. You have to find believable ways to finish the enemies off without having Goku simply reach a new SSJ form and kick their asses. I hope you can produce something good, and not just another AF like kind of story. Good luck

dont worry i wont disapint any of you guys, and im not gonna go any further than ssj4. oh and i thought i would post the second episode, for your viewing pleasure.

sorry this episode is a tad longer than the first lol.

Episode 2 – A New Ally

The episode starts with Flux signing up for the tournament that kibito kai invited him to. After signing up Flux starts to explore the tournament grounds. He then spots two men pulling a huge cage, with some sort of wolf like monster inside. Flux continues to explore when he sees a gang of men starting to harass the two cage guards. Flux turns back to see what happens.

Gang leader: Why don't you let this beast out to play old man?? It looks angry for being stuffed inside a cage like that.

Guard #1: it's too dangerous to be let out here; this creature is a savage beast, who knows what it will do.

Hoping that this would make the gang leave the guards continue to walk.

Gang leader: hold on!! Did I say you could leave??

Guard #2: lets us leave otherwise you will have to deal with the council.

Gang leader: I don't think so. Hey boys how about we take this creature out of its cage??

Gang: yeah!!

Gang leader: my people have spoken. And there aint nothing you can do about it.

Flux: I bet there something I can do.

Gang member: get lost kid, unless you wanna get hurt!!

Flux: Funny, you don't look like you can hold your own against me.

Gang member: oh yeah!!!

The gang member runs at Flux and swings for him. Flux effortlessly dodges.

Gang member: how did you do that??

Flux: it's called dodging. maybe one day you will learn how to do it.

The gang member then runs at Flux again but this time Flux jumps up and roundhouse kicks the crook in the face, sending him down hard.

Flux: next!

The gang leader drops the cage guard he was holding and walks up to Flux.

Gang leader: This is none of your business kid. So leave now.

Flux: well im making it my business, so if you want to get through them *flux teleports in front of the cage guards*, you'll have to go through me.

Gang leader: Get that little brat!!

The whole gang rush at Flux, but Flux is ready, he does a back flip kick knocking one member back, then dashes forward and clothes lines another.

Flux: these odds hardly seem fair.

Gang member: ha! he's already giving up.

Flux appears in front of that member.

Flux: I meant for you.

Flux punches the member away with a right hook.

Gang member: rush him!!

The gang all attack at the same time. Flux jumps above them then comes back down with a double elbow drop taking out two of them, then uses his energy to force back the rest. The gang leader then comes up from behind hoping to catch Flux off guard, when he is drop kicked to the side by another fighter.

Lexile: looks like you could use a hand.

Lexile is a human looking person with tanned skin. He has black, spiky, slick back hair, leading to spikes at the back, with a spike fringe on the left side of his face, just at the side of his eye. He is wearing a medium - dark orange hoodie with two white arrows facing up (like the fast forward sign). On his right sleeve he has the same set of arrows and on his left sleeve he has the letters LEX going down. He has light brown, baggy cargo pants with pockets on the thighs and his shoes are custom made sporting a yellow and black look. He has a scar on the back of his left hand like two deep cuts and a blue crystal attached to a short chain which is hooked onto his pants.

Flux: nah im good, but if you take those five, I can wipe the floor with the rest.

Lexile: deal, by the way the name is Lexile.

Flux: Flux, nice to meet you, in these awkward conditions.

Flux and Lexile then both dodge an attack from either side, then take out the attackers with swift movements. They then land back to back.

Flux: not bad.

Lexile: yup, but at least try and keep up.

Flux: funny, I was just about to say the same thing.

Flux then dashes at four gang members that are on his side and elbows one down. Lexile teleports behind the gang on his side, shocking them all.

Lexile: sup guys??

Gang member #1: well not much just….

Gang member #2: WHAT ARE YOU DOING GET HIM!!!

Lexile then uses his energy to force two members into a wall.

Lexile: woops, too much power.

The camera then turns to Flux who is seen bashing to gang members heads together jumps back and backwards clotheslines two more guys, knocking them down. The camera then turns back to Lexile who is seen dropping the last guy on his side.

Lexile: well that's that. *pats his hands together*

The gang leader is then seen with an iron pipe and he swings it directly at Flux's head. He then smiles, but it is soon turned to terror as he sees the pipe bent in the shape of Flux's head. Flux then turns round and punches him the leader into the side of the cage.

Flux: now it's over.

Cage guard #2: thank you, thank you. How can we ever repay you?

Lexile: well there is one thing…..

Flux elbows Lexile in the gut gently.

Flux: no worries, we were here to help.

Lexile:*in a slightly high pitched voice* why?!?

At that moment the wolf monster breaks out of its cage and goes straight for Flux and Lexile.

Flux: don't think so!!

Both Flux and Lexile jump up in complete symmetry and kick the beast on either side of its head, knocking it out cold.

Both cage guards have a gob smacked look on their faces.

Flux: sorry i've got to go, i've got a tournament to get to.

Lexile: same here.

Flux and Lexile then run to the arena and barley make it in time for last call.

Announcer: Names??

Lexile: *out of breath* Lexile and Flax.

Announcer: you mean Flux??

Lexile: what?? Well flax sounds cooler, he he.

Announcer: ok, you two can go through.

Flux and Lexile go to the preparation area.

Lexile: we made it just in time, man.

Flux: My name is flux dude, not flax!!

Lexile: meh! Same thing.

How is this tournament going to unfold?? Will Flux stand a chance?? And will Lexile get Flux's name right in the next episode?? Find out next time.

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you've put an amazing description to Lexile

Yeah once again, good work on actually taking the time to describe a character well.

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also you avioded the trap where 2 allys always do the same attack at the same time

While they didn't do the exact same thing, it did have that cheesy Pirates of the Carribean "introduction of a cool new character" fight scene style...

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He has black, spiky, slick back hair, leading to spikes at the back, with a spike fringe

I am going to assume all of those spikes are hair and not actual spikes!

quote Super Adam 13

Are the gang members super strength-like?

no they are just normal gang memebers, thats why they defeated them so easily.

quote Cribsidaz

am going to assume all of those spikes are hair and not actual spikes!

they are infact hair spikes not metal spikes, sorry not very good description in the hair part.

quote spud10556376

also is this tournament going to be on Earth and is that where other charectors will be introduced?

this tournment is on the planet that they are on (not earth), the other z-fighters will be introduced, this is just the history of Flux and Lexile, so to speak.

anyways, thnx for the cmments guys, im just writing the next 2 episodes and ill post em soon, maybe on monday i dunno, but keep an eye out for it.