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Feb 16, 12 at 2:31am ^SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
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An Abandoned Laboratory
2 Battle Posts
1 Victory Post
Speed Duel Conditions
20 minutes a post.
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Feb 16, 12 at 2:31am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
A shadowed figure walks slowly through a darkened lab, attempting to find her way, perhaps locate a light switch somewhere. Shattered glass crunches underfoot, and as she kicks the leg of an old decrepit table, she bites back a swear and pauses for a minute, contemplating. Giving in to the difficulty, she concentrates, emitting a dull eerie glow.
The figure turns out to be Lia, and she stands surrounded by her own cloud of light. She was initially reluctant to be using her powers in this situation, because she wasn't sure what was going to happen, and should a conflict occur she didn't want to be relying strictly on her staff skills – she wanted the best chance possible. She'd found herself in this lab because of a rumour in the area, that this old abandoned building was host to some hideous and evil experiment. Whether true or not, her bold and heroic inclination would not allow such nefarious deeds to be set up in her world, and while she tried to be humble towards her abilities, she knew she was among the more qualified people to deal with any such threat.
She peered around in the dull light. Beakers of thick coloured liquids sat upon benches around the room, and she'd managed to find herself within a small gap between two benches, so no wonder her foot collided so swiftly with the furniture. Heaven forbid were she to encounter some insane scientist here, as it would not allow her much room to swing her staff. She picked up a beaker and daringly chanced at wafting at it, curious as to their mysterious contents, and remembering from her chemistry schooling to use her hands to gently blow the fumes towards her. She nearly gagged on the repulsive smell, and it was all she could do to put it slowly back upon the table, rather than dropping it and spilling it on the floor, because God knows what was in that thing.
She finally found what she was looking for: a generator sitting idle at the back of the room. She walked over to it, carefully navigating around the experiments, and flicked a switch. It hummed gently into gear, surprisingly quiet for what seemed to be such an ancient piece of machinery, and the lights overhead flickered into action. She relaxed, and finally was able to see clearly the full extent of the building. It was larger than it first seemed in her own dull emissions, and she found a much larger open area, and came closer to examine it. This may have been a floor for placing a far larger project, but whatever was going on in here, it looks like it wasn't here anymore.
Actually, that was just the thing about this place. Nothing of great significance seemed to be here anymore. Nothing at all. As far as she could tell, the place was deserted. The rumours may well have been just that - weavings of some foolish children, looking for cheap thrills, or some kind of 'initiation dare' to separate the afraid little kittens from the big dogs.
Feb 16, 12 at 2:50am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Ged Tenshi was working on some evil and hideous experiment. He was not fond of science, mostly because it seemed to always redefine itself when he wasn't looking. Magic, now magic was reliable. Could always count of the dark forces to do what they're told. More or less. At least the unpredictability was predictable. He poured some mysterious liquid into his cadaver, and was caught by surprise as a small puff of gas escaped the body. Breathing it in, he felt the familiar sensation of his throat dissolving into blood. He quickly bent over and wretched, the bile eating its way through the floor.
Well then I think we can count that as a success! Rising back up he saw the corpse he had been working on being eaten away by the liquid poured onto it. Well that simply wouldn't do. He grabbed a nearby scalpel and sliced into his palm. Blood dripped freely unto the dead body, and made a hissing noise as it counter acted with the chemical. Satisfied, Ged clapped his hands and looked around for something else to play with. Trial and error was the way of the true scientist after all.
A low humming distracted him as an electric current ran through the building. Oh do I have guests? His staff emerged from black flame into his hands. He tapped the corpse at his side and whispered, "Follow me dear boy, it is time to give you some proper testing."
Lia was caught by surprise by the sudden presence of Ged behind her. He had that effect on people.
"Who are you?"
Ged smiled, "Perhaps I should be the one asking questions? Afterall I was here first. But I know all about you dear Lia, I had hoped to get acquainted with you during that adventure at the Coast N Shop, but things came up. I wasn't quite myself that day I must admit."
He did not have to be a expert at reading people to see that she held no fond memories of that day. Ged whistled and his newly made zombie stepped forward, spittle bubbling away at it's lip. It was his arrival that placed Lia fully on alert. Not that it mattered, things were always more fun when everyone was fully invested.
"How lucky I am to meet you here, we can catch up on old times. Maybe even make some new memories. How do you feel about that uh..." Ged was looking at his creation. "Well drat I never thought to name you... Hmm." The zombie belched a green flame as some combination of the random chemicals inside of it reacted with the magic that was animating it. "I suppose I shall just have to call you Experiment 3267. How do you feel about playing with this young lady 3267?"
The zombie stared at Lia, a low gurgling noise able to be heard from it's stomach. It began to step forward. "Why Lia I think he likes you."
False hope leads to true despair, watch how quickly white turns to black.
Feb 16, 12 at 3:10am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Lia stared in a mixture of disgust at the mangled creature standing before her, and intrigue as she wondered whatever happened to the first 3266 experiments. She was dearly hoping it was just a name, but quickly realised she really shouldn't be worrying about that because she had bigger things to worry about. For example, this thing was belching fire at her.
“I'm not going to ask how you know who I am, and your gentlemanly mannerisms would normally be very appealing, but I refuse to believe you have intentions of doing anything remotely close to the 'good' end of the scale with that...” She waved her hand in its direction. “Thing!” She leapt back, avoiding another belch of green flame from the monster.
She didn't know what this creature liked about her, but whatever it was, she wasn't too inclined to happily accept its affections. She flung her arms behind her, swiftly clipping the ends together to her full length staff. At least here, she could use the full reach. With that thing's gas, she had to. She swung violently at its shoulder, and it squelched revoltingly into the flesh. She cringed, and resumed her attacking stance. Perhaps it would make more sense to see if she could provoke it? She didn't have a lot of choice at this point.
“Come at me.” She taunted, waving for it to come closer. She was backed to a bench, which wouldn't normally be a good position, but she was much faster than most, and when it stepped forward and swung a limb loosely at her, she ducked around it and poked it sharply in the back in a pressure point.
Well, she was a bit nervous, and obviously, that tactic didn't work too well. She should've known there's no way this reanimation could feel pain, and as it reeled around and blurted gas at her again, she realised that blunt attacks, unless she could hack off a limb, wouldn't be too useful. She had to make up an opportunity.
She ran around the area, having enough room to move at least in this area. It didn't at first appear fast enough to keep up to her, but she remained alert. At this point, all she could do was avoid it until she had an advantageous position. She picked up a beaker full of a curious purple liquid, and tossed it hard at it. It was a bit of a gamble, because it could have all manner of effects, but with some luck it was acid in that beaker, and not some bizarre kind of mutagenic tonic that would only make it stronger.
Feb 16, 12 at 3:30am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Ged looked on in dismay as Experiment 3267 joined the fate of it's many brothers and began to be eaten away by the strange purple substance. The necromancer at least had some level of satisfaction at 3267's explosion of green fire, but was disappointed to see that little remained of it save for a small puddle. All in all it was far to clean an end for Ged's tastes.
Lie seemed to feel a little relief at dispatching the threat, but her eyes had found Ged, and she held her staff warily. The blood mage clapped. "Well done Lia, you've managed to outsmart a zombie." He stepped through the puddle of his failed creation. "You're parents must be so proud."
He stepped in closer, but upon entering the range of Lia's staff he quickly found his arm being slammed into, an audible pop announcing that Ged had once again broken his arm. Accompanying this sensation, Ged could feel his blood actually boil, forcing him to break away from the weapon lest he discover the temperature at which it evaporates.
"Now that wasn't very polite Lia." The rokushakubō shot out again, but this time it was met by Ged's own staff. Lia had a look of confusion on her face, and the necromancer quickly guessed the source. "I'm afraid my staff isn't made of any material you may be familiar with my dear." The thorns inside his flesh began to drink greedily, and the staff began to glow a dark black. "Allow me to introduce you to something else you've never seen before"
The black fire shot from the weapon, Lia seemed to exert some sort of power in an effort to stop it, but quickly found that the flames did not obey the laws of thermodynamics. She barely managed to step to the side, almost being scorched by the darkness. She looked at him with annoyance, "I really would not call this being polite either."
Ged chuckled, "Nonsense. This is a marvelous learning experience. Back in my day a child was luck to have a teacher so personally invested in them. Perhaps if fortune favors you, you'll be able to accompany me as I spread knowledge to the masses." He wore a wicked grin now as the flames of his staff grew larger.
"Now what shall I call you? Lia's all well and good, but it lacks that certain punch. What proper villager is going to run away from an abomination named Lia I ask you? I suppose I shall have to come to a decision later, for now you will be Experiment 3268. Do not disappoint me."
The dark fire began to spread.
False hope leads to true despair, watch how quickly white turns to black.
Feb 16, 12 at 3:51am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
“What... I am not your experiment!” but she didn't have a great deal of choice. She didn't want to be some puppet, though. As the darkness spread rather rapidly, she took a last ditch effort to shoot a blast of fire at Ged, knocking him clean back. It didn't seem to do a great deal of help, but it got the staff off her at least. She wasn't sure what this corruption was though.
She was mad now, very mad. A level of rage consumed her that she wasn't aware she was capable of, and wasn't in her mind well enough to know whether she was entirely of her own will, or just crazily out of control. She slammed a palm down upon the generator nearby and absorbed quite heavily of its juices. The lights flickered as the generator pounded away, reaching maximum output capacity, and she soaked it up for everything she was capable of holding. She'd take this darkness out from its source.
She broke her staff in half, the two shorter 3-foot extensions glowing furiously in her ire, and gathered them into one hand, concentrating electricity through them. She used her free hand and tossed various fluids at Ged, blasting at them with her lightning. They collided fiercely with him, searing into his flesh and causing a fair considerable amount of damage. It was strong, but she wouldn't last long, and the pain from the exertion was excruciating.
“Ahhn...” She gasped and winced, nearly being at her end point. She nearly fell, but braced herself against a table, and looking up at the roof, spotted a beam hanging precariously from the ceiling. She swung her half-staves in a wide arc, shooting energy and knocking the beam down. Ged managed to see this coming, and attempted to move aside, but it swung around and pinned him down to the floor.
“Right!” she gripped the end of the beam hanging there and charged a strong pulse of electric energy straight through it, electrocuting the necromancer. The smell of burning flesh filled the air, and then Lia jumped back, clenching her teeth hard as the biological kick-back finally took its toll on her. She could still fight should he somehow get back up again, but it didn't look like she'd be picking up that staff for a while.
Feb 16, 12 at 4:11am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Ged's bottom half was pinned. It was a highly inconvenient situation all in all as he saw Experiment 3268 not to far away collecting herself, while he was forced to remain still. On a side note, he noticed that he was in terrible pain. He grimaced.
His face a smoking burned mess, he turned to his opponent and tried to speak, but alas his toungue had been destroyed along with most of his other softer bits. Not being able to talk was the last straw, and Ged began to share in the unexplainable rage of his opponent.
His hands dug into the ground and he began to pull. There was a nauseating tearing sound as his flesh was pulled apart. It all ended with a very unpleasant wet plop. And then Ged was free, though admitedlly only half the man he used to be.
He shot from the ground in a burst of blood and fire and soared through the air at a speed his exhausted opponent wasn't prepared for. Before she could properly raise a defense he was on her, dragging her to the ground. His fingers tore into her shoulders, and he could see blood pool along his hands. He noticed his skin smoking courtesy of Lia's strange powers, but fortunately she had already done him the favor of rendering the majority of his nervous system worthless. His fingers dug in deeper and she recoiled in agony, blasting at him with whatever energy she could find, fueled only by pain.
He collided into a wall, but rather than fall down his blood held him firmly in place. It lifted him along, pulling him up on the ceiling, allowing him to stare down at the panting Lia. Some of his blood dripped down, burning away at whatever it came into contact with. The rest of it began to bring life to what it could find, the material that made up the ceiling becoming a very hastily created golem.
Lia's wounds glew a fiery red before cauterizing, the best she could manage whilst hell still continued to break loose around her. The golem dropped in front her, cradling the upper half of the necromancer. He had finally managed to repair his tongue, and was more than eager to put it to use.
"I would say that we have gotten off on the wrong foot Lia, but I'm afraid you've taken my feet away from me. Don't worry I harbor no resentment, if my new pet happens to rip off your legs it will just be a happy coincidence." The golem let out a silent grunt. Ged winced as he found a more comfortable position, "Well then Experiment 3268, shall we end this?"
False hope leads to true despair, watch how quickly white turns to black.
Feb 18, 12 at 2:16pm ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Right, let's get this done.
Intro post: You switch from present to past tense within this post, which is a big no-no. Although I'm somewhat glad, as I've always found things written in the present tense harder to read.
You've got a very unique and interesting narrative voice, which is great fun to read. I liked Lia's reason for being in the lab, and her progress through it, and you managed to end it both setting up for Lia's abilities later and in a way that lets fifi open the duelling. I like that.
Battle post 1: You took quite a while to get into the fighting, at least for the length of the post.
I'm surprised she'll even give him the time of day for his mannerisms with a skull-topped staff in his hands
I wasn't a fan of the paragraph that began "Well, she was a bit nervous..." because it became quite casual in tone compared to the rest of the post, and at one point you slipped back into present tense for half a sentence.
I liked the idea of throwing a bottle of Science at the zombie, though
Battle post 2: Super-Lia goes nuclear
There was some pretty good description in this post, although at the beginning there were a few awkwardly-worded sentences. I liked the confusion between whether the rage was all hers or not, and that she didn't care because she was so angry. Also, ouch, poor Ged. Not that he doesn't deserve it, but... damn. ._.
Intro post: Nice opening sentence, kudos.
Some quite amusing typos in this post. "wretched" for "retched" was probably my favourite But as it's a speed duel I won't mark you down as much for them as I normally would.
Always with the experiments I do like Ged's, uh... inventive names for his zombies
I think I was right to think that this duel will be interesting to read. Bringing up the Coast 'n' Shop was just harsh on Ged's part.
Battle post 1: Yay, staff battle! I was hoping for this.
Another round of typos in this post that I will attribute to the speedy nature of the duel. I'll point them out if you wish though.
...Ged is a bad person
I liked this post, especially the part about his blood boiling. I can't find a huge amount to comment on I'm afraid
Battle post 2: "On a side note, he noticed that he was in terrible pain." - even for Ged, this seems a bit flippant.
This was disgustingly great as a battle post. poor Lia is probably going to be traumatised by the crazy blood mage tearing himself apart and burning her with blood explosions and making golems out of the ceiling. There were still a few scattered typos, but I think this was your best post of the entire duel.
I should probably say that I'm impressed with the amount you guys managed to write, considering the time limit.
This is going to annoy Archie if he reads it, but I thought this duel was close. Closer than I expected, given F_P has never actually duelled before! I think, though, with F_P's tense switching in his intro taken into account, finalfight performed better over all, so I'm going to give my vote to him.
This was a great duel, though, and I look forward to seeing how whoever ends up winning this fairs in the rest of the tournament.
Oh god so many smilies. I apologise profusely Also I have to apologise for the tailing off in quality of my judgement towards the end, and how long it took me to get to this!
EDIT: Fyrestorm, Archimonde_STG cast the deciding vote and PMd it to those involved but wanted to wait until Corruption posted his so he could get an achivement. Then Corruption didn't post in time
Mar 4, 12 at 3:53pm ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
So hey, were there originally 2 votes here and 1 vanished or something ?
Mar 7, 12 at 9:58am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Right, then. So. Couple of weeks later, here we go!
Intro Tense-switching is bad and makes Corruption want to smash something. Don't make Corruption smash something. ;_;
That aside, this post was great. Lia is such a great character, and it's nice to read about her here. I enjoyed the kind of...I'm not really sure. I wouldn't call it snark. A bit tongue-in-cheek, I suppose, with the whole, Lia hoped she didn't run into a necromancer or anything bad like that kind of comments in your post.
BP1 There's a sort of...lack of franticness here. I'm not sure how to describe it, but things like
quotetake away from any anxiety or build-up there might have been in previous posts or even the few sentences before that in your post. It takes away from the sense of danger, I feel, which is a bit ironic considering that you end with Lia noting that she is in danger.
Your action was solid, though. I liked your use of the setting (beaker) to beat the zombie, especially the realism involved in zombies not feeling pain via pressure points. That was a nice touch!
BP2 This post was...shocking.
And it was easily your best post in the duel. I don't really have much to say about it. It was an excellent end on your part.
Intro Oh Ged. Only you could make necromancy so amusing. And...I really don't have anything to say about this post.
BP1 There were a lot more typos here than in your intro, and while I'm usually willing to let that sort of thing slide in a speed duel, there really was quite a lot in this post, so try and watch that in the future. They were mostly minor slips like you're instead of your and the like. Easy mistakes to make, especially when you're rushing.
Other than that, the action here was very nice, and you mixed in dialogue in just such a way that it didn't detract from the battle itself. It was juuust right, which is something a lot of duelists don't quite have down - myself included.
...Oh dear. This was a fantastic post, viscerally. Lots of imagination involved here, and poor Lia, and...wow, Ged. xD
I honestly don't know what to say about this one. Well done.
finalfight, by a hair.
Mar 8, 12 at 2:35am ^re: SDT Round 1: Fire_Phoenix vs finalfight
Ahem, So this is where I come in and post in public what I did for 2 people in private, even though no one who's not from this duel would read this anyway.
What did I just say?
I don't want to repeat what Tseng already said before, but Fire_Phoenix, switching tenses is unacceptable. The atmosphere was well made and I'd give you that but at the same time there wasn't much to suggest how big/small or wide/narrow the room was. These are relatively important for a setting like the one this duel is taking place.
Anyway, moving on, I found the beginning of your second paragraph "The figure turns out to be Lia" was weak. Come on now, you could have come up with a better sentence for sure! A little bit later the "hideous and evil experiment" felt a bit childish. Again I felt you could have come up different ways of saying this. It's like the narration of a cartoon (Scooby Doo?). The rest was good though. Your wording improved and there's less I can poke holes in.
The next paragraph was certainly the strongest of your post. It actually set the mood in well while still putting a little smile on the reader for it's acceptable humor .
The last two paragraphs were good and fine. They fulfilled their purpose well and also gave an array of options to your opponent for their own intro while still narrowing them down to with a condition, which is very positive! It also provided good little suspense.
While it wasn't exactly the best choice of words from F_P, the humorous way you used the "hideous and evil experiment" was amazing finalfight!
Ged not liking science? I guess that's expected of him. The "wretched" should have been "retched".
What I like a lot about Ged is his mannerisms and dialogues. Him clapping his hands after his "success" is an example of him being classy. You used F_P's intro's ending with the generator turning on and while I had hoped for some better usage of the opportunity, given that this was a speed duel I won't hold it back to you and I'll accept this as a great way to introduce these two (three? ) to each other.
When Ged thinks "Oh do I have guests?", I wonder that maybe these mannerisms are hard-coded into this lad's brain. I mean as Ged's creator do you expect him to even THINK in that classy, polite way? I don't know, but I guess that's the case.
And then they meet up... and Ged's more polite than ever! Bringing up Coast N Shop was a good and reasonable shout-out and I liked it. His little interaction with the zombie was humorous and again was another positive.
Picturing Ged trying to name the zombie was kinda hilarious. It reminded me of a particular scene in Iron Man 2 where Hammer tries reasoning with Vanko that the drone's head can't fit a human head into it.
The final line of your intro was also another good one-liner from Ged. Good job!
"...she had bigger things to worry about. For example, this thing was belching fire at her."
^^That was awesome. In fact the whole first paragraph was awesome. Lia talking about Ged's mannerisms came from good notice and it surely added another nice touch to the duel. In your next paragraph you went with Ged's observation of the zombie 'liking' Lia and I thought that wasn't really a good idea. It was meant to be Ged taunting Lia, not what really had happened. The little bit of combat was pretty good, not much exciting though. You continued the conflict between 3267 and Lia and finally came up with a nice little tactic. The ending was good because like your intro it leaves it up to your opponent to choose what's going to happen and that's a very positive thing in duels.
Finalfight, if there's only one thing I have to say about this post is that... OMG, so many typos!
Ged mocking Lia about outsmarting a zombie was lolworthy and fine and concreted Ged's dominant position (in dialogue). I was expecting a REAL staff battle in this post not Ged shooting black flames and Lia not being able to use her ability on it either. It was slightly lame. Well maybe not lame but a bit underwhelming, lacking excitement. The last two pieces of Ged talking were great though, no doubt about that. Calling Lia experiment 3268 was just criminal!
Now picking a winner for this is proving to be very difficult. FiFi continued the classy dialogue while having a lot of typos. F_P didn't give much fighting but had things more polished than FiFi. Hmmm...
Holy shit! Lia goes into super-mode!
The part with the room lights flickering was just a great sign of what was going to happen and oh boy what did happen here. Lia was basically throwing everything possible at Ged and the image in the mind was cool. This post was full on action and I just liked it all. I can't seem to poke many holes in this either...
Maybe one thing though; the post while being rather flashy and cool, was also pretty brainless. I think, given the time limit, you were just trying to type whatever action came to your mind. As Clief said somewhere else, formulate a plan before posting, even in a speed duel.
Finalfight, will you call Lia, Lia and not experiment 3268?
Ged's casual treatment would be normally weird, but this is Ged and barely noticing he was in pain is not of concern. This post also had its share of typos, not as bad as the first BP though.
The whole flying-upper-body-Ged was almost beyond imagination. And that's the thing here. The ordeal was bit hard to picture.
I also believe that you too were trying to just pump out however much damage and action as you could. Admittedly though you were a bit better than F_P at this.
Ged creating a golem seems very... I dunno, useless? It just doesn't feel right to do that at the end of the finishing battle post of a duel, it seems very inconvenient.
The final piece of dialogue used a very smart and ironic joke, which as always is approved by me.
Again, I'm lost at picking the better person here. Both posts were similar in nature and both had constructive errors. FiFi shouldn't have brought out the golem and F_P should have done something more. I have no choice but to give this to...
Spoiler:Overall, Final Vote
A fine duel. Good job to both of you. Admittedly I was looking more forward to this because of the people involved in it. Although I'll accept that my expectations were too high anyway, there's only so much that a 2 BP speed duel can produce and you did fine.
Overall I think F_P did great for a first duel, although I personally think it was a mistake to kick off with a speed duel. finalfight you did as expected, but you had a lot of typos and even for a speed duel this was higher than normal.
The duel itself was close, and to be fair the only part where a winner could be straightly picked was the intros, which FiFi won. And for that intro finalfight, I'm giving you the win here. Fire_Phoenix, you had the unfortunate fate of having your first NDL duel be with FiFi and well, not many have won in this situation. I got obliterated, Fyrestorm lost, and here you held REALLY well, so don't give up and as an advice... duel more.
THIS SHOULD BE CORRECT NOW!
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