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| Rasberyl |
Jun 01, 10 at 7:18pm ^
Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Log in to remove this advertisement Rasberyl (Emi) Vs LillieBeeXD (Alexis) Setting: Kraggnar, A city made of garbage and filth, inhabited by many varieties of mutants. Duration: 1 Intro Post Each 3 Battle Post's Each 1 Victory Post Judges: Tiger of Wu clief Ultimaodin -------------------
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| Rasberyl |
Jun 02, 10 at 12:03pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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~Emi Intro Post~ *bzzt Hey Emi, guess where you are right now bzzt* *bzzt I dunno, a trolls toilet? bzzt* *bzzt No, but close enough, your in Kraggnar, The city of Crap bzzt* *bzzt Lovely, now get off the damn phone, I'm to busy dogging dog turd to speak with the likes of you bzzt* *bzzt K, mind you better go find your opponent, or the Boss ain't gonna be to happy bzzt* I flicked the switch on my transmitter, grunting as I read that last sentence over in my head again. I don't have a boss, ya see, thats the best part of being a reaper. Nobody messes with you unless they want there filthy friggin' guts ripped out. What seemed like hours of wadding through a crap trodden wasteland, I finally came along somebody, "Great, maybe they know where Nuremm Slog is so I can find a bar and wait for my opponent ,then I can drown this smell out my system with a tequila while I wait, under-age or not". I walked up to them and tapped them on the shoulder, "Hey do you know where there's a-" The guy turned round, and all I saw was a huge ugly fish head, with about 20 eyes looking right in my face. I took my hand of his should and grabbed my scythe "Woahh, stay back you ugly freakin' fish, of I'll cut you into sushi" All I got was a rough sounding laugh from the fish freak, "Ey' kiddo, yo mamma not tell yo som table manners no? Der's people lot worse roun' here, see livin' in crud mucks up yo systems nd all." I looked back into his face, he didn't look hostile, but damn was he ugly, "Meh, sorry fish-bone, I'm not used to mutants right now. Anyway, do you know where Nuremm Slog is? and a bar there by chance?" I heard him give another gutty laugh before he beconed me to follow him. I wasn't to into the idea of following a freaky looking guy around, but It would probably better to take directions from a fish rather than a blood hugnry mutant spider. After a few hours of dogging more cans and doo doo, we finally came across an opening into a small, but populated city, covered with crud caked buildings made from various materials like tin and cardboard. "Er it is, Nuremm Slog, smallest cidy in all of Kraggnar, enjoy your stay" I waved good bye to the fish, trying my best not to turn away to quickly from his hideous face. I turned around, and to my distaste, only found more mutants, but not too many I guess. As I navigated my way to the bar, I seen plenty of takes on mutations, from a Bear-Donkey cross to a human fly, "God, I hope this duel doesn't last to long, I don't wanna be walking around mutants to much longer, I don't think all that sicks gonna stay down to long" I praised my lucky straws when I finally found the bar, but the bartender was a lot less forgiving on my stomach, It was a big mulchy slug guy, a bit like Jabba the Hut, and with a stupid lisp to go, "Ello', what would you like today then child?" "Uggggghhhh" "Ey' , you okay kid" "Ehh heh sure just uhh my stomach playing up again heheh, uhh tequila please" As soon as I got the glass I was up and outta there. I figured I would just wait outside, I don't think I could take that horrible thick ozze smell coming from blubber slugs breathe. Heh, maybe I wouldn't have to fight, I could just puke on her and that would be it. Gosh, I wished it where that easy... -------------------
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| LillieBeeXD |
Jun 05, 10 at 2:07pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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*Your mission is to go to the city of Kraggnar, and there will be a guide waiting for you there. He will take you to Nureem Slog, a small village on the outskirts of Kraggnar, where you will have your first duel. Be careful, the citizens of Kraggnar are quite different to our species. They are mutants, changed by the toxic sewage from Jakabar, the capital city. Anyway, your duel is against a girl called Emi, and she is a Reaper. I'm sure she knows about your magical skills, so use them to the best of your advantadge. I'm sending a portal for you at 1:00 hours. So I'd prepare. Oh, and bring a gas mask or something. The smell is the worst thing about this place
Yours truly, Matt.* She closed the window, and checked the time on her laptop. 12:55. Great, I only have five minutes. She grabbed her book of spells, for revsion on the way, and her rucksack. She ran a brush through her flyaway hair and pulled on a black longcoat over her usual attire. The longcoat had a flap, which covered her nose, mouth and chin. That should sort out the smell, she thought happily. But... what sort of powers does the Reaper girl have? She rolle her eyes at her negative thought, and pushed it to the back of her mind. She wont be able to beat me, she bragged to herself. She set to work on one of her longer defensive skills, a Full-Body shield. It was a little weak, but should be able to withstand a couple of good hits. After that, she could probably stunstrike her. Ah, well. Suddenly a purple portal flashed in front of her, speckled with pink. Haha, Matts portal's pink?! Oh, thats rich. Still smiling, she stepped through it, humming a silly tune. Ten seconds later, she stepped out of it, and a foul smell reached her nostrils. Ew, what's that? She wrinkled her nose, and pulled the coat flap over her lower face, breathing a deep sigh of relief. The smell was gone, although a faint whiff clung to her coat. A movement caught her eye, and she turned around to stare at the creature. Erm... wow. It's head was a dogs, St Bernards by the look of it. Drool nearly reached the floor, dangling in sticky strings from the corners of its mouth. Ew. Its body was a humans, but with tentacles and claws for its arms and legs. It walked up to her, spraying drool when it opened its mouth. "Hello Alexis. I is your guid fur this evenink, so foller me, an I will tike you to Nureem Slog." Alexis blinked for a moment, staring at the crea- man. She wiped spit off her forehead, and said, slowly, "Ermmm... O...Kay?" The guide... smiled, and nodding its head, turned round and stode off to the left. Alexis gathered her thoughts, and with an exasperated sigh, jogged off to catch up the guide. The streets were far worse than any poverty ridden village back home, the houses made of mud and bracken, some towering above her, wobbling precariously in the gentle breeze. Gulping nervously she picked up her pace, genuinly terrified that one of the building would collapse on her. She tapped the guide carefully on his shoulder, and asked cautiously "So... how long is it until we get there?" The guide turned round quickly, spraying her with slobber. "Well, if we kip the sam sped that weer doin, we shuld bee therr in teen minits. Okiy?" Alexis nodded slowly, still trying to translate what he was saying. Ten minutes, yeah. Hopefully, the girl, Emi, had better English. They continued down the street, buildings wobbling and weird mutant people slithering along. The smell finally got through Alexis coat flap, almost chocking her. Gagging, she held a hand over her mouth for the rest of the journey. Hopefully, the duel should be good, she thought miserably. I just might die of boredom, never mind off getting my soul ripped out or something. Edit: Jun 06, 10 ------------------- And you're sealed onto my hearts, Amelia Pond. You always will be. I'm running to you and Rory before you fade from me.
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| Rasberyl |
Jun 05, 10 at 5:18pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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~Emi Battle Post (1)~ I felt like an idiot sitting in front of all these smelly creatures, getting weird stares like I was offending them, which I was, but I didn't really care It was better than gagging to death before I could even get a hit on the kid. Speaking of hits, I opened my eyes a bit wider when I seen a shape coming from the distance, but this one didn't have more than one head or tentacles. This must be my opponent, Emi thought. I grinned and walked up to her, "Enjoying the smell" "Not really" "Neither am I, lets get out of this city first, we won't be able to fight much if we're holding our noses at the same time." We walked for about half an hour until we where out of the mutant crap smell, and gasping for breathe. It didn't smell much better, but we weren't gagging. While she was still taking in breathe, I slowly slipped my scythe off my back. I ran up to her as fast as I could, and swung my scythe for her neck. It happend quite fast, one minute I was about to cut her a new breathing hole, the next she was coming down from the sky, foot aimed at my face. Thankfully, I was quick enough to lunge out the way, but the tip of her shoe caught me on the shoulder. I heard a faint crack and felt a bit stiff, but I ignored it and took another lunge at her, and the same thing happend, but this time when she was coming down, I managed to smack her back into the air with the butt of my spear. I laughed and kept knocking her into the air, but at the same time wondered why she wasn't fighting back. Suddenly I felt a burning sensation, and that was literal, my whole arm was on fire. I squealed and smacked at my arm until it went out. This girl must be a magician or something, but I slipped out of my thought when I saw her walking around me again. "You really thought I gave up there, didn't ya?" "Well, I guess I was having second thoughts" "Don't understimate me, Emi" "How did you know my name kid?" "I have sources, and the names Alexis." "Well-- wait, shut up, stop distracting me" I growled at her and felt another burning sensation, but this time the shot sent me flying. I was about to hit the ground when it happend again. She was juggling just like I was doing to her a minute ago.Unfortunatly for her, I had observed her move. I went limp, all the while being burned and pained every second. I felt my power building, then pain again. Not yet, not yet..... NOW! I let the energy burst out of me, and as I dropped to the ground I watched Alexis go flying into the air, but this time she stayed their. "Haa, like the power? Its pretty cool... huh ughhh..." I felt dizzy, and Alexis felt to the ground at pretty much the same time I did. I winced as I felt the pain in my back again, but we quickly both got back up. I was about to take another dive at her when I heard a clang and a rumble below me. From the look on her face, Alexis had felt it too. We looked at each other for a split second and then to the pile of steel and rust behind us. My gravity shift had caused a few bits to come out of the heap, and it was sliding down like lava from a volcano right towards us. I didn't think at all, opponent or not, I didn't want either of us getting squished under a pile of crap, I mean, what way would that be to go, especialy for a girl. I grabbed her arm and dragged her along behind me, all the while shouting, "RUN GOD DAMMIT!!" -------------------
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| LillieBeeXD |
Jun 05, 10 at 7:17pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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'Alexis' battle post (1)'
Bugger. Just as things were heating up, she thought miserably, as she was being dragged from the path of an oncoming crap flow. Emi, the girl who she was dueling, had grabbed her and started tugging her along, her grip almost vice-like. Alexis struggled against the grip, but to no avail, she couldn't get free. I can totally handle an avalanche of crap by myself, she thought angrily. She focused her powers on the hand, whose fingernails were making deep marks into her arm. Not exactly the most comfortable running position. She felt her magic being drawn into her arm, heating it up slowly. By this time though, they were in an alleyway, and the crap avalanche rushed past the entrance, a few bits and pieces blowing in. Emis hand still gripped hers, but soon she let go. "OW!" She screamed, whipping her hand away from Alexis, and it was bright red, blisters appearing all over it. Alexis stepped back, brushing all the crap off her, and looked up at Emi, who was nursing her hand a look of anger on her face. "You burned me idiot! Friggin' second degree burns!" She lashed out at her, her free hand reaching out towards her scythe, her face becoming more vicious. Alexis looked up, amused. "Well, to be honest, I thought you would have noticed it sooner." Emi growled, lunging at her, scythe in hand. Oh, hell, Alexis thought. She whipped up her hand, and summoned a flat, disc-shaped shield, which stopped Emis scythe in its tracks. "Ugh, really? Come on kid, you could have given me some warning.", she complained, rubbing her hand. Shielding numbed her hand, always. "Come on, lets go somewhere a bit bigger. Give me a fair chance." She beckoned to the angry girl, and walked off down the alley. OK, I have no idea where I'm going, she thought, scanning the place. When she reached the end of the alleyway, she grinned. This'll do. A large courtyard stood at the end of the alley, bricked off to other people. The were a few trees, and a large fountain in the corner, spewing green water. Alexis turned round, her face lighting up. The girl looked around, analysing the courtyard. Oh dear, I don't think she likes me much, Alexis thought, clearly not bothered. "OK, kid. Lets finish this." Emi said, almost threateningly. Ooooh. Alexis shrugged her shoulders, she was so bored with this now. She whispered a couple of charms and walked to middle of the courtyard, flexing her fingers. Emi prowled around her, in circles. She had her scythe in her hand, and a devilish expression on her face. She charged at her, yelling out a battle cry. She swung her scythe, and Alexis dodged the sharp edge, by inches. Suddenly, another hit whacked her shoulder, sending her flying backwards. What the hell? Rubbing her shoulder, which felt broken, she stood up, hissing in pain. She sent a blast of white magic towards her, sending her flying backwards now. She was inches away from hitting the hard concrete, which should have broke a couple of bones, when she reached her hand out, and a black shadow-like substance zoomed out. It clung to the wall opposite Alexis, and she whistled in appreciation. Very cool, Emi. Very cool. Meanwhile, Emi was zooming across the courtyard, and clung onto to the wall, the shadow holding her onto the bricks. Alexis straightened up, and pointed a single finger towards the Reaper. A stream of light blasted out, aiming for the shadow. Emi yelled in surprise, as the magic dissolved her sticky shadow, and she plunged to the concrete. Unfortunately, she was only a few meters above the floor, so she only got bruised. Damn, what a shame. Alexis coughed, trying to hide her laughter at the humorous thought she had in her head. Emi glared at her, almost knowing she was laughing at her expense. She brought out her scythe again, and ... disappeared? A loud thwack resounded off the brick walls of the square courtyard, and Alexis fell to ground, a slow pain creeping along her back. What the-? She looked behind her, and there was Emi, holding a bloody scythe up in the air, grinning triumphantly. Oh, come on! Alexis stood up, painfully. She channeled Healing powers into the long gash across her back, which was slowly dripping blood on to the concrete yard. She glared up at the Reaper, her eyes full of anger. "Oh, you've done it now!" Edit: Jun 05, 10 ------------------- And you're sealed onto my hearts, Amelia Pond. You always will be. I'm running to you and Rory before you fade from me.
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| Rasberyl |
Jun 05, 10 at 7:29pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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~Emi Battle Post (2)~ "Ohhh oohhh , is the kiddy pissed of?" I giggled like a school girl until I felt myself burning again, this time I was blasted into the concreate. I felt a few of my back bones snap and I struggled to get up, but Alexis pinned me to the ground with her foot, and I started coughing, gagging for breathe. She smiled, and I knew she was about to set me on fire. This kid wasn't playing, she was really trying to get rid off me. I wasn't done yet, not now..... I pushed my energy into one spot, I had to do this, but I needed something else... I felt the burning pain pearce me again, but I managed to channel it away into the rip, thus opening it. I grinned and laugh hard as I watched the flow of ectoplasmic entities coming out the rip, pulling and clawing at Alexis. She was knocked off me, trying to blast the ghosts of with her magic. While she was distracted by the ghosts, I threw my spear at her, which just skiffed her shoulder, catching her top and ripping a part of her skin off. I watched her snap, her face an image of pure rage. She wasn't as dippsy as I had first thought, this was quite entertaining. I felt the lighting stab me in the chest, and as I was about to fall backwards, it thrust itself at myself again. With each zap, I felt another crack, as my bones snapped in half with every hit. I forced the last of my strength into the gravity pull, dragging the ground up in front off my, blocking of her attacks. This was going to tire me out, but I had to do this, I was NOT going to lose to an angry child. I pulled the ground up around her, and unsuspecting, I fell on top of her from the air. I crushed her into the ground and started slashing away at her with my scythe. I watched as her body split open in multiple places, until she fought back again. I swear I could feel my gut rip in half as she blasted me with a huge wave of heat, nearly melting me into pieces. We where blasted off each other, and fell a few feet away from each other. I put my hand to my stomach, only for it to go through. The heat had been so intense it had burned a hole in my body. I roared as I felt the pain go through me again. I sat up to find her healing herself, standing up in triumph. I thought I was defeated until I thought, If I could manipulate shadows, that must mean I'm part of them. I channeled the shadow to my wounds, and funnily enough, they healed slightly. Like Alexis, It wasn't enough to heal me completly, but enough for me to stand up and face her once more. This battle was getting harder by the minute, but whatever she flung at me, I would be ready for it, and I could tell the same for her by the look on her face. Her bold, brave look, kind off hero like,looking into my insane, destructive grin, evil like in comparison. This was intense, but no matter how much pressure, I reassured myself that I would be the victor. Edit: Jun 05, 10 -------------------
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| LillieBeeXD |
Jun 06, 10 at 10:49am ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Alexis battle post (2)
Her body was aching, bones twisted into impossible positions. Channeling more Healing energy into her wounds, she glared at Emi, who was grinning like some sort of evil genius. Multiple holes went straight through her body, and it stung, you could tell. Drawing her power, she chanted some ancient words, and a large ball of fire crackled into existence, heat waves shimmering off it. The ball of fire positioned itself to the right of her, and Alexis flung out a hand, pointing to the grinning Reaper. The ball whizzed towards her, faster than anything she had seen before. Suddenly, it all happened to quick for her eyes, but it looked like Emi had dodged the flames, and flung shadows into it, turning it black. The ball of fire had transformed into some sort of shadow ball, black and purple wisps flowing in and out of it. O...Kay? Emi cackled, actually cackled, and picked up the ball, which had shrunk to fit her hand. She twisted backwards and closed one eye, aiming for Alexis. It was silent, the chattering and bragging from early had transformed into cold, icy, quietness, dripping with seriousness. Alexis was just astounded by the ball changing thingy, but quickly came to her senses when she realised the ball of darkness flying towards her. She ran to corner, but it followed her, like a homing missile. Emi laughed delightedly, and leaned against the wall, just watching. Alexis panicked, climbing up the walls, bouncing from wall to wall, like a ninja or something. Argh, what am I gonna do?! She flung both her hands out, and dropped to the floor, hoping to divert the oncoming ball. She tumbled to the ground, rolling to absorb the impact. A crushing sound reached her ears, and her little finger stung with pain. Damn, broken. She ran to the fountain, and reaching in with her hands, willed it to turn to flexible ice. She had a plan. Whipping round, she directed the ice at the ball, which was palm sized now, but still as deadly. The ice zoomed towards it, knocking it back a couple of meters. Alexis quickly changed the ice into red hot water, which caused a loud sizzling sound that filled the courtyard. She quickly changed it again, the water changing into flames, hissing and spitting, paralysing the ball. Come on! There must some weakness! Wait- Darkness! So if there's darkness, there must always be... "LIGHT!" She yelled, grunting with the effort. The fire hurriedly dissolved, and multiple blasts of blinding white light zoomed from Alexis' all ten fingertips. The tiny blasts warped together, forming a crystal coloured stream, dazzling with gold flecks. It hit the ball of darkness with a force, crackling and a loud humming echoing across the courtyard. Alexis grunted, trying to keep it up, the ball was slowly shrinking. Yes! But in the corner of her eye, she saw Emi watch with astounded eyes, then the expression changing into annoyance. She shrugged with some finality, and reached for both her spear and scythe, her lips curling into a smile. Oh, shit! I can't do this! Alexis worried, looking from the slowly shrinking ball to the oncoming Reaper, with a grin so malicious, it chilled you to your core. She shoved all her power into the stream of light, willing the ball to shrink faster. It did, and Alexis breathed a sigh of relief, looking up to sky in a silent thanks. The ball slowly dissipated into a wisp of black, then comically popped out of existence. Alexis whirled towards Emi, who was just about to strike with the spear, her arm drawn back, aiming. Alexis summoned another shield, bigger this time, covering her whole body. She instantly went numb, but it would wear off. Emi aimed and threw the spear, which clattered off the shield and fell to the ground, rolling off towards the fountain. Alexis sped over to it, and with a yell, trod on it with all her strength, snapping the damn thing in two. Emi screamed in rage, face turning red. Alexis looked up at grinned, the cheeky attitude coming back to her. Maybe I could win this after all. ------------------- And you're sealed onto my hearts, Amelia Pond. You always will be. I'm running to you and Rory before you fade from me.
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| Rasberyl |
Jun 06, 10 at 3:53pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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~Emi Battle Post (3)~ This was getting out of hand, I was being to soft on her because she looked more fragile than I did, but now she's proved herself, and I'm not going to let it slide anymore. I fumed, screaming and lunged at her scratching the shield with my scythe and my spear, all the time she held it up. She didn't even look faint, like something had lifted her. It was apparent she wasn't trying at first either, but this was a new glow, something more powerful. It was nothing, it couldn't beat me, no silly child could. I was too powerful to be defeat by someone as small and as infantile as Alexis, a simple mage girl trying to earn her place as a duelist. I felt the burning sensation again, but this time I just stood still and endured it. I wasn't all out of tricks yet, and this one would be the best of all, I had only given her a taste of my infinite power. I stood there, taking in a few flames, feeling the warmth spread over my body, tearing through my skin and aching at my insides, sending pain all through me, If I was acting normal, I would have walked away and got out while I could, but not this time. I would show how I was not a force to be fought with. I felt the last flame hit me, then I roared a harsh laugh, nearly choking myself with it as I watched the shadows around us erupt out of the ground, and started to form a large, monster-figure. I watched as the black wisps started to form muscles, and two bright red eyes. I felt the shadows envelop me and the darkness seeping through me veins like an injection of liquid death, streaming through my body as I was completely contained by the large creature. I squealed in anger as I lashed out at the shocked Alexis, knocking her into the air and shooting black, darkness-enfulged flames at her tiny body, ripping her flesh into tiny pieces and snapping her bones into half bits. I stretched my arm out and grabbed her puny body again, and started battering it into the ground, slashing her with my other, now blade like arm. Shreiking again, I smashed her into the ground full force, creating a huge hole covered in scarlet liquid. I laughed quietly, and gruff like squeaks as I changed back into my normal form. I walked over to the hole and jumped in next to her frail, crumpled body, lying in a bed of the darkening liquid, staining her hair and her childish face. I kicked her over until she was looking up into my face, "I'll spare you because you know not to cross my path again, but if by chance you ever dare to do so, I'll destroy your life" I grinned at her little body, convulsing and rasping words that just wouldn't come out. I jumped back out of the whole and walked a few meters away when I saw a small hand waving out of the hole. "No..... she can't be...." I looked at the hand in shock, this just wasn't happening... -------------------
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| LillieBeeXD |
Jun 06, 10 at 5:06pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Alexis battle post (3)
I'm not finished, not yet. Alexis smiled, a small one, that took an enormous amount of effort to do. Her hand was waving in air, groping the edges of the deep hole, looking for a handhold. She found one, luckily, and held her other hand up, making a thumbs up sign. She giggled a bit when she heard the annoyed growling, and realised just how weak she was. Drawing up more magic from her internal supply, she willed a huge stream of Healing into her body, the warmth glowing and pulsing as it mended bones, stitched wounds and refreshed. Ohhhh, that's better. Suddenly, she noticed her supply of magic was dwindling, and she needed to rest, bring it back up. Healing couldn't do that, so good old fashioned sleep was the answer. Footsteps were drawing closer, the ground was faintly vibrating with each step. Wondering whether or not Emi was a girl, or the beast that mauled her, she cautiously got up out of the hole. A face was full on glaring at her, lips pulled back in a horrendous smile. "I thought you would have learnt your lesson by now, you miserable excuse for a magician." Emis voice was low and dangerous, trying to strike fear into her heart. It didn't work. All Alexis was focused on now was blasting the girl back to Hell, where she belonged. Alexis stared into the dark eyes with a determination. Speaking calmy, her voice controlled, she stated, "Actually, I would say you're a miserable excuse for a Reaper. Oh, snap!" A cheeky grin appeared on her face as she snapped her fingers in front of Emis face and whirled around, pacing the courtyard. "You see, that move, and what a move might I add, weakened me terribly. But... not enough. I'm not finished, and to quote myself from earlier on, DONT UNDERESTIMATE ME!" She yelled the last part, whipping round with a fury, her eyes glinting with excitement. Building her power up, she remembered the ball of darkness, and the light energy streaming out of her fingers. Something like that.... but BIGGER. With a small giggle, she wandered over to the centre of the courtyard, eyes still fixed on Emi. Time to get serious. Her face went totally blank, and her hands moved at infinite speed, tracing patterns and symbols in the air. The patterns started to glow white, twisting and dancing in the air. The other symbols glowed a deep purple, and a large circle lay itself on the ground, surrounding them both. Emi cursed and ran out of the circle, but bounced against an invisible shield, far stronger than any of the others she saw in the other petty battles. Alexis had beads of sweat rolling down her temples, and her hands were glowing a bright white, almost blinding her. She closed her eyes, knowing that Emi couldn't break free, and focused on the large symbol on the ground, willing all her power into it. She flung her arms out, and tilted her head back, and all the swirling colours glowed brighter than the sun, casting shadows away, trapping them both in a bright white light. Alexis sighed, and lowered her head. Her bright green eyes shone through the white, gazing into Emis almost black ones, transformed by the shadow creature. "Any last words?" She smiled cheekily, and winked at the Reaper, who was still gazing at her, probably in shock. The light coming out of the ground was wrapping itself around Emis ankles, binding her there. "Go to Hell." She spat, her eyes burning venomously, her mouth distorting into angry shapes. "Well, I think it's you who will be swinging by there later, actually. Or not, you know, it's still a fair fight." Alexis kept her voice calm, trying to drag the move out longer, she needed time. Emi scoffed, glaring around the dimming circle. "So, this was your super move? Pretty lame effort, I must say. Anyway wh-" Alexis cut her off, shaking her head in denial, she laughed a bit, and then set to work tracing more symbols. "You're gonna have to wait a bit for that. Sorry for the inconvenience, but two more seconds OK?" Alexis let out a relieved sigh, here it comes, finally. The ground began to shake, the circle pulsing with the bright light, shocking Emi into a silence. The symbols started to glow, turning into one big mesh of shapes. Alexis willed some fire into mix, and the ball of flaming light rose slowly into the air, spreading out into a blanket, covering the circle, forming a dome. "This is my super move." Alexis stared at the girl, who's expression had turned into a sneer, awaiting the big finale. The dome suddenly exploded, scattering flaming symbols of light onto Emi, who convulsed at every touch. Alexis stepped towards the girl, willing more light into her palm, the symbols still raining from sky, all falling onto Emi. "Aargh, STOP IT!" She growled at Alexis who was slowly approaching, a ball of light growing in her palm. "Erm... NO." Sending the ball of light at Emis face, she tried to dodge, but couldn't, the binds of light reaching her thighs now. The ball smacked into her face, and screams filled the courtyard, and she fell to the ground, twitching. Alexis started to throw countless balls of light into Emis body, and she shuddered and jerked at every hit, still trying to get up. The torrential rain of light still poured onto Emi, burning away most of her clothes, and leaving angry red marks on her, breaking every bone it landed on. Alexis was still firing light from her right hand, when she decided to up the ante. She summoned flames, blue with heat, into her left palm, and started firing them at her, bursting into a million tiny flames where they hit. Finally, Alexis decided she had enough, she didn't want to kill her. The lights died away slowly, and Alexis towered over Emi's still body. "Don't ever think you'll get the best of me, because you won't." She whipped around, and stalked to center of the courtyard, and sat on a bench, waiting until Emi decided to get up. ------------------- And you're sealed onto my hearts, Amelia Pond. You always will be. I'm running to you and Rory before you fade from me.
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| Tiger of Wu |
Jun 07, 10 at 4:48pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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![]() Spoiler: Teh Judgement of Duel Right, I'll just dive right in. The first thing to be noted, for both of you, is that some of the spelling and grammar mistakes are atrocious. Whilst I personally try to focus more on the creativity and story-telling ability as opposed to grammar stuff it is still an important aspect since it is distracting, so instead of thinking 'Wow, what a cool move' the reader probably has a voice in the back of their head saying 'That's spelt wrong... that shouldn't be there... too many commas' and so on and so forth. You're both rather young so such mistakes are to be expected but in some instances it was really evident and really distracting. In time I'm sure your grasp of grammar will become clearer and clearer but for the time being remember to spell check posts before posting them and maybe read them over once or twice to make sure everything looks right. If there is anything you're confused about or want help with don't be afraid to ask anyone here or in any of the other writing forums. I won't explain all the mistakes in full detail since that would just be boring but if you do want me to just send me a PM and I'll be happy to go into more depth about it, for you both. I found the fact that they were both going there to specifically duel each other and knew about it all beforehand a little, for lack of a better term, boring. If they had a specific purpose to be there other than just to fight each other then it would have added more story and dimensions to the duel which could have been worked in. The fact that they moved about the city a few times broke up the pacing; having them stop in the middle of an action packed fight and saying 'Let's go somewhere else' and just walk there and then continue fighting ruins pacing completely even though changing scenery is indeed good. For future scenery changes, in order to avoid putting a big roadblock on the pacing, it would be better to have the characters move as they're fighting. Maybe in the giant crap avalanche they could have ended up fighting atop a falling platform on top of it, moving them from one place to another whilst still keeping things at a fast, tense pace. Unfortunately for you, Berry, you did something which I consider to be worthy of execution (if only once); you moved between first and third person. quote RasberylWhen someone doesn't stay consistent with how they write and moves between first and third person it's a faux pas that screams out to me more than anything and pretty much overshadowed most of that first battle post, sadly. You also had two different people speak in the same paragraph more than once, which also shines a bright neon light and distracts from everything else. You as well, Lillie, had the speech mistake a few times, and your paragraph structure in your first, third and fourth posts was quite... abstract, I guess. Explaining why it was wrong and the right way is also a long winded thing I don't want to do unless you want me to, so send a PM if you like and I'll expand. Cool, right, so now onto the actual juices of the duel. The immediate thought is that there are more attacks possible than just lunging Both of your last posts were... well, they pretty much *bleep*ed with my head, I mean Emi pretty much destroyed Alexis and then Alexis did the same back. That's the type of thing people save for victory posts really and having Alexis recover as quickly and easily as she did made very little sense to me, especially since her flesh was 'ripped into tiny pieces' and her bones were snapped in half. It just seemed like unnecessary overkill on both your parts. So was breaking Emi's spear, if I'm honest, but knowing you two you probably asked her beforehand if you could so I guess it doesn't matter. I've been very negative so far but don't let that dishearten you, I feel you could have done more with the city itself, maybe had some of the mutants caught up in the Duel or even have mutant police intervene as they were fighting or something but there was a lot going on anyway so I can forgive you Right, actual decision. Because I feel she had more interesting attacks and sequences than her opponent, I'm going to give my vote to Lillie. Things like the manipulating of the water and having Emi change the fireball and then launch it back were more creative than what you produced, Ras... not a great deal more but enough to give her the edge. My advice to you both is... well, it's intertwined in that mess of crap I call judgement, just don't be disheartened by the negativeness of it and remember that as you grow older you'll grow as writers and, if you keep at it, I'm sure one day you'll be taking on the likes of Fyre and winning. Congratulations to you both on an all-around imaginative and entertaining first duel and I extend the offer of any other help I can give to either of you, should you want it. ------------------- Death's door stays open to all without prejudice,
I'm the fifth element at war with my nemesis, Hardened from genesis, bitter and stark, Can't deal with the past so I live in the dark. | |
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| Ultimaodin |
Jun 08, 10 at 7:21am ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Spoiler: Rasberyl First thing that made me cringe was your constant switching between point of view. It became very difficult to read. You pretty obviously favour the 1st person however because there are two people we are focusing on the NDL sticks with the third person. For this case I think you need more practice in writing in the third person. The next thing that irritated me was with the sliding crap, while the idea of grabbing someone may be a noble choice your character is young so I don't think the idea of saying hr because of her youth was all that fitting. Not to mention she is a reaper it may not be her choice how the person dies so long as she does. If you want to follow a similar concept a more appropriate idea would be to grab Alexis by the wrist fling her through the hair while using all your own speed to save yourself or create some sort of explanation like that personals soul will be lost if sh dies by "natural" means. Now another irritation was the fact that a teenager is capable of wielding both a scythe and a spear at the same time. I don't honestly know anybody who could wield both practically and effectively. Try keeping it one at a time, keeping the other sheathed or strapped to her back. The fact you kept calling Alexis child bothered me some because other your characters are of similar age and your character doesn't seem anymore mature, even calling her a b***h would have fit into it more fittingly. Now while I've specified the fat actions can be a filler between speech so can it be reversed. Your second battle post melted into one big block of confusion, the lack of paragraphing also didn't help this fact. To me it felt like someone using the blur tool too much one an image. The insane amount of damage you inflicted on the other girl was well insane. This made the rest of the duel rather unbelievable. The second line of your third post bothered me lots, I could have sworn Alexis snapped the spear. This separated the consistency between both posters further. Mentioning the fact of being a duelist really disorientated me, the characters designed in the NDL aren't aware of these duels being organised. I personally would recommend that both you and Lil take a look at other duelists duels. The rest of your third battle post seemed like overkill to me, for future I suggest you dull down the ripping and breaking of the opponent. Spoiler: LillieBeeXD First thing that bothered me was that she went out for the sole purpose of fighting Emi. I kind of accepted the concept for Rasberyl because her character is a reaper so she'd surely have to hunt souls, however you character has no such obligations so this just seemed rather as Tiger put it, boring. A good idea would have been to have her already on the planet looking for some sort of mutated wizard who may know something about the wizardry war on your planet and maybe your father. Then the non-mutant Emi would have caught Alexis' attention. Second thing was walking off suddenly to find a new location in the eat of battle killed the energy of the duel. Apart from that and all the grammar and spelling mistakes the rest of your first battle-post was rather good. quote LillieBeeXDJust a tip but try and refrain from describing events by using words like something. Leaving it at 'like a ninja' wold have been fine. Also the light ting with the fiery ball was also rather dull and a much better tactic would have been to try and redirect the orb of darkness into Emi. Now you may think this will sound stupid but taking ideas and references from TV and movies can be very handy. Your second battle post also seemed to lose the presentation of the first causing it to muddle. quote LillieBeeXDHere you broke into the second person which spoiled the post. Try and stick to the Third person as I stated to Rasberyl. as Alexis screams DON'T UNDERESTIMATE ME I expected a last then and there, instead you just wander off. Don't gt me wrong but If I was your enemy I wouldn't just let you wonder off to go prepare to attack. Not to mention you too chose to go overkill. Try not to go so brutal next time. The idea of being able to heal so speedily from the attack that Emi launched at you seemed unbelievable, if your own character fainted after the super move I may have just accepted it but as you put it she simply walked a bit and sat down, having enough energy to wait for your foe. Spoiler: the judging I loved the setting and the concept of the mutants however once the battle started the terrain pretty much became unimportant, more use of the shit streaked environment would have made for a more entertaining duel. In the end I too have to give my vote to Lillie as her posts were slightly more imaginative. With some more practice both of you could make very interesting duelists. Though you both need to work more in the third person, especially Ras as almost all your posts were done entirely in first person. Hope I didn't come out too negative but I wanted to point out areas that needed to be improved for future. -------------------
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| Clief |
Jun 08, 10 at 11:01am ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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sorry guys, i dont know how to put in those spoiler things, still a newbie...
@LillieBeeXD: Ok now, the first thing that hits me is the lack of structure. in your intro post, on more than one occasion it swaps between describing thing to Alexis' thoughts, with no quotations or anything. I didnt mind the spelling mistakes so much as it is to be expected from any NDL member, its just something that happens. Also one thing that got to me was all of the '...'. There is no need for them to describe something. Ok, well sometimes there is, but when your describing something that you can see plain as day, it shouldn't be hesitated in the telling of it, if that makes sense?? Otherwise the rest of this post wasnt too bad, there were some good uses of words that i realy liked, and it was nice to see you had a somewhat wide variety of vocabulary. Your first battle post. Well, to me you made the same mistake as Ras, and that was stopping the battle and moving away. But i was more focused on the fact that i didnt know who was talking when. I found it hard to keep track of everything, it all happened much too fast to take in. And as metioned by the other 2 judges, too much damage was sustained for the battle to be this full on anymore. There wasn't any consistency between the both of your posts. @Rasberyl: Sorry, but as mentioned by Tiger and Ulti, when writing something like this, first person is one of the worst perspectives you can write in. Partly because you are constantly portraying Emis thoughts, which sometimes it is good to leave out as it creates a sense on suspense, and also because it is extremely hard to stay that perspective, as im sure you found out. I did like the fact that you got straight to the point and wasted no time in getting to your objective, which is Emi's job and she didnt faulter from this. Now your first battle post. The first thing that REALY stood out to me was the meeting of the character's, or lack of. There was none to be blunt. As a reaper, Emi made a crucial mistake and just assumed that this was her opponent, and then led her out of the city. First of all, Emi has no idea that there might be another normal person on this planet because, well, she is there so why couldnt someone other than her oponent be aswel. Second of all she has no clue as to how honerable her opponent is and just turns her back and leads her away. Now when the battle actualy begins, there is no detail at all. Period. I honestly havve got no idea what happened. I dont know how Alexis burnt you as you were watching her the whole time and she apparently didnt move? There was no depth to this post, and im sorry to say it, but i didnt find one thing i enjoyed about this post Verdict: Now all that bad stuff (i fell horrible now...sorry guys I hope my first bout of judging was alrite and not too negative. If you would like me to explain anything ive said above jus P me and id be happy to help you out | |
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| Rasberyl |
Jun 08, 10 at 2:48pm ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Thanks guys, ignoring tiger being nasty cause we had a fall out, I find that you pointed out some very good points, and without your help I wouldn't have noticed the constant switching that I did. Also, congrats Lilz, your free to post the victory post now
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| Ultimaodin |
Jun 09, 10 at 12:21am ^
re: Rasberyl Vs LillieBeeXD (Finished)
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Actually Fyre usually edit's that when the winner pm's them that the duel is over and they won. It's in the rules I'm pretty sure.
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