| Knightmare Chaotix |
Feb 20, 11 at 9:00pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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| Ditnopota |
Feb 20, 11 at 10:57pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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quote Knightmare Chaotix It would figure that the person who gets the game entirely would be one of the first few I have to kill in the story :/. EDIT: Yes, Agent Mo, that is exactly what I'm saying  .Edit: Feb 21, 11 | |
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| Agent Mo |
Feb 21, 11 at 8:15am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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| HunterKiller666 |
Feb 22, 11 at 4:36pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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Sounds like it, but then again, what would a male model know?
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| Ditnopota |
Feb 28, 11 at 12:23am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
Chapter III: Tonight... We Dyne In Hell!: Hulgor helped the paramedic load Napalm into the back of the ambulance. The paramedic rushed to the driver's-side door and turned back to Hulgor, saying, "We'll take good care of your friend. You should get back inside and wait for the police to get here." Hulgor, still out of breath from lifting 400 pounds of pure muscle, nodded lazily and said, "Go." The paramedic got into the ambulance and rushed off for the hospital. Hulgor started walking backwards toward the bar, when he felt something hit his leg. He looked down to see a wrinkled-up piece of paper. Hulgor picked it up and began reading. It said: For all the gold that is beneath the moon, Or ever has been, of these weary souls Could never make a single one repose. Hulgor thought to himself, "Wait... this is from the seventh cantos of Inferno. Why would a poem about damned avaricious souls just be blowing around in the wind?" Hulgor folded up the paper and put it in his pocket. He then pulled out the locket that Napalm gave him and said, "Hooty... I have to go give this to her." Just then, Douglas VanDouglas bursted outside from the bar, saying, "Er is niet veel te maken met de Nederlandse taal, Dyne! Vat ze *bleep* happen here?" Hulgor turned around and said, "There was an explosion." Douglas replied, "Sheet! Eez everyone okay?" Hulgor nodded and said, "I think so." Hulgor then asked, "Hey, do you by any chance know where the suburb in Tranquility is?" Douglas happily replied, "Of cawz I do, seely. I'm Dutch! I know everysing about quiet California cities." Hulgor asked, "Well, can you take me there?" Douglas began fistpumping as he said, "Oh God yes! I vas going zere to *bleep* some whore anyvay!" Hulgor beckoned him, "Well, no reason to waste any more time." Douglas replied, "Oh yes, dawling, let us be on our vay!" The two men got onto Douglas' Vespa and began heading for this unnamed and mysterious suburb that I keep trying to make important in the story somehow. Meanwhile, back in the suburb, DeWayne walked out of Hooty's house with his gun drawn, ready to take out his stalker, Ark (a rushed recap for anyone who forgot). Hooty was walking behind DeWayne, trying to convince him out of shooting the man. Hooty said, "DeWayne, don't shoot him! He needs to pay for my door!" DeWayne brushed his afro with a comb as he said, "Bitch, he gon' need that money for his hospital bills." DeWayne walked over to the bushes, lifted up his Beretta, and said, "Get da *bleep* out here right now, fool. I'll pop all kinds of caps in yo ass if you ain't out here on 3." After 20 seconds went by without response, DeWayne asked, "Nigga, you really gonna make me count to 3? Fine, den." DeWayne began his countdown. "One"..... "TWO".... "You better be out here on 3, mutha *bleep*a!" Just as DeWayne was about to get to three, Ark jumped out and bitchslapped him across the face, knocking him flat on his ass. Ark mocked DeWayne's cool black guy facade, saying, "Yo, mang, you ain't got shit on me!" DeWayne angrily said as he began getting up, "You mutha *bleep*a, Im'ma put my size 13 boot up yo size 1 ass." Ark bitchslapped DeWayne onto the ground again as he laughed hysterically, singin', "Doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy doo!" DeWayne exclaimed, "*bleep*in *bleep* you!" as he began firing off rounds in Ark's direction. Ark began running as fast as he could. He reached another house and kicked in its door as he took refuge inside, still singing Motown songs from the 50s. Hooty ran over to DeWayne, helping him up. She asked, "Are you okay?" DeWayne asked, "Do I look like I'm *bleep*ing okay? A pimp can't get slapped, it make him look bad!" Just then, the both of them heard a loud squeaky noise. DeWayne angrily asked, "Da F*CK is THAT?" Hooty said, "Oh, it's just my boyfriend's Vespa." DeWayne replied, "Bitch, you nevah said anythang about havin' a boyfriend!" Douglas yelled out as he got closer, "Baby! Douglaz is here!" Douglas put on his brakes as he turned the Vespa, trying to skid to a stop. Instead, the tires of the scooter blew out and caused Hulgor and Douglas to fall off. Hooty ran over to Douglas and asked, "Are you okay, baby?" DeWayne yelled out, "S'at da only shit you can say? Gawd, your dialogue is unimaginative." Douglas got up on his feet and said, "Yes, I'm fine, dear." Douglas turned to Hulgor (who was still struggling to get on his feet), and said, "Oh! And zis is friend I met at zee pub! His name is... eh, vat vas your name again?" Hulgor got up, brushed himself off, and replied, "Hulgor... I'm Hulgor." Douglas exclaimed, "Oh yes, zat's right!" Douglas continued, "Vell, Hulgor, zis is zat whor... I mean girl that I was telling you avout! Hooty, say hello." Hulgor asked, "Wait, 'Hooty'?" Hooty asked, "Do I know you from somewhere?" Hulgor replied, "No, but I know your father. He's been in an accident." Hooty gasped and asked, "Is he okay?" Hulgor nodded and said, "Yeah... yeah, I think so. He wanted me to give you this." Hulgor handed over the locket Napalm gave him. Hooty took it, looked at it, and said, "Uh, this isn't my father..." Hulgor asked, "... what?" Hooty replied, "This is my uncle... and he's been dead for like... 6 years now." Hulgor hesitated for a moment and asked, "... what?" Hooty asked, "How did you get this? Hulgor asked, "... what?" Douglas chimed in, "Zis does not matter now, my friends! Vat matters is zat we are together for sex orgy today!" Hulgor asked, "... what?" Just then, a voice from down the road asked, "Douglas?" Douglas turned around and saw Abbey. Douglas asked nervously, "Uh uh, well, who are you, madam?" Abbey asked, "What are you doing here?" Douglas turned to Hooty and said, "Hooty, I do not know zis woman. I sink she homeless and need money. I veel go see vat is wrong." Douglas ran over quickly and asked quietly, "Abbey, vat ze *bleep* are you doing here!?" Abbey asked, "Uh, how about you answer that question first?" Douglas replied, "Erm, I am just talking to friends and taking in ze fresh air. Now--" Abbey slapped Douglas and said, "You're cheating on me with that whore!" Douglas exclaimed, "But sweetie, you are cheating on your boyfriend vith me, and he is doing same!" Abbey replied, "That's different!" Douglas asked, "VAT ZE *bleep* ARE YOU HERE FOR ANYVAYS?!" DeWayne yelled over, "Abbey? I thought I told you not to come see me during work!" Douglas turned to DeWayne and slowly turned back to Abbey, "YOU ARE *bleep*ING ZE BLACK MAN?" Abbey said, "Wait, Douglas, it's not--" Douglas threw his hands up and yelled, "I cannot believe zis shit!" Douglas stormed away towards Hooty's house. Douglas said, "Come on, Hooty, let's go inside and make some sex." Just then, everyone heard a loud bang followed by what sounded like sparks flying. A powerline busted and fell on Douglas, electrocuting him to death. Abbey, DeWayne, Hulgor, Hooty, and even Ark stared in amazement. Hulgor saw a note pinned to the telephone pole that held the lines that killed Douglas. Hulgor quickly ran over, plucked the note, and read it aloud. It said: Paris I saw, Tristan; and more than a thousand Shades did he name and point out with his finger, Whom Love had separated from our life. Hulgor asked, "What the hell is with all these notes?" Hooty asked, "Wait... there's more than one?" Well, shit, that took really long to write. Sorry for the delay, guys. Either way, I'm glad this chapter is done, seeing as it's the longest one yet. And believe you me, I worked hard to put in subtle jokes and quotes throughout this chapter, so you damn well better notice and cherish them  .ShinobiDyne, I'm afraid that while your character was certainly my favourite to write for so far, he is now dead. Voting is now open. Please send in all your votes by Thursday, March 3rd around 10 pm my time, or else they will not be counted. Edit: Feb 28, 11 | |
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| ShinobiDyne |
Feb 28, 11 at 4:17pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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But I had so many more people to *bleep*.
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| HunterKiller666 |
Feb 28, 11 at 4:46pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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| Agent Mo |
Feb 28, 11 at 7:10pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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Love how you have puns in all your heading Ditno
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| Ditnopota |
Apr 22, 11 at 1:19am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
Chapter IV: Chelsk-ing Out Early Hulgor looked back at Hooty and asked, "Wait... what do you mean? Did you get a note, too?" Hooty pulled the folded, crumpled paper from her bra and handed it to Hulgor. He flattened it out as best he could and read quietly, "To sensual vices... That lustful she made licit in her-- Wait, when did you get this?" Hooty replied, "About a month ago when my friend, Blowfish, died." Hulgor asked, "What did your friend do for a living?" Hooty said, "Well... well, she worked at Whorey Flamingo with me." Hulgor asked, "The stripclub downtown?" Hooty nodded. Hulgor turned his head towards the note he pulled from the telephone pole and walked slightly away from the group. DeWayne asked, "What's the matter, white-bread?" Hulgor turned back and said with a dramatic tone, "These notes... they describe the person who died... with exerpts from the poems of Dante Alighieri." DeWayne asked, "You sayin' what I think you sayin'?" Hulgor nodded and replied grimly, "These murders... are connected." Abbey piped up, "So... we're just going to not give a shit about Douglas?" DeWayne replied, "There's more important things to worry about now." Abbey said, "Yeah... but he literally just died. In front of us. Just now." Hulgor pointed at Abbey and said, "Don't you dare ever question murder mystery logic. EVER." Abbey replied, "Okay, fine... where to next then?" Hulgor replied, "Seeing as I took the leadership role upon myself, I say we head back to the bar to see if we can ask around." Abbey said, "Alright, let's go." Hooty said, "Come on, let's take my car." Hulgor, Hooty, and Abbey ran over to Hooty's car. Hooty yelled back at DeWayne, "Come on, we're leaving!" DeWayne put on his sunglasses and said, "You three go on ahead..." DeWayne lifted up his handgun, released the magazine, looked at how much ammo was left, put it back in the hangun, cocked it and said, "I have business to attend to." As DeWayne walked towards the house Ark took refuge in, Abbey asked, "What's his problem?" Hooty replied, "Nevermind it; let's go." The trio sped off for the bar. Meanwhile, DeWayne walked into the house with his gun drawn and saw a terrified family sitting on their couched. DeWayne asked, "You seen a white guy come in here with a trench coat and nothing else on but cowboy boots and a thong?" The mother gave a blank stare and slowly pointed towards the kitchen. DeWayne said, "Thank you, ma'am", and began slowly stepping towards the kitchen. DeWayne yelled out, "Come on out, Ark. I'm not gonna kill you until I see you." Ark popped out from behind a counter wielding a large metal spoon. Ark yelled, "COME ONE STEP FURTHER, AND I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU WITH THIS SPOON!" DeWayne chuckled under his breath and said, "Boy, you gonna be diggin that spoon out'cho ass in a minute." DeWayne stepped towards Ark. This set off an anger inside Ark that he hadn't felt since he found out the McRib was discontinued. Ark dashed at DeWayne with the spoon raised above his head. DeWayne fired his gun three times, only hitting Ark once in his shoulder; the gunshot wound didn't deter Ark one bit, though. Within moments, Ark began beating the shit out of DeWayne with the spoon. He just kept hitting and hitting and hitting whilst screaming at the top of his lungs. It seemed like he could go on forever, which he had intended to do. Back in the Tinkledink Hotel, Claude was sitting in the lobby; he was so exhausted that he was almost falling asleep. A man walked over and sat down beside Claude. The man asked, "So, what brought you here?" Claude glanced over at the man briefly before bringing his head back to the wall it was resting upon. Claude said, "I was supposed to be playing against the Tranquility Chaos with my team right now. But zese damn officers insist on keeping me and the rest of my team here." Claude's eyebrows furrowed and he lifted his head up, asking, "What's it matter to you, stranger?" The man laughed and replied, "These 'damn officers' are keeping me here, too. I'm a plumber. I was fixing the showers when I heard the receptionist scream, and I came running to find the owner of this place dead." Claude became more interested. He asked, "Oh, so ze owner was killed? Zat's terrible." The man replied, "I'll say. Now I won't get paid." Claude asked, "What eez your name?" The man replied, "Its'a me, Chuck!" Claude said, "Nice to meet you, Chuck. I'm Claude Biere." Chuck replied, "Likewise. Say, do you'a know where I can find any shrooms?" Claude said, "Of course I do! I had a huge party een my room wis a couple shema-- definitely female hookers. Want to go get zem?" Chuck laughed and said, "Love to." The two men walked over to the elevator to head up to Claude's floor. After a few minutes, the elevator finally arrived. As it opened, Claude walked on. But before Chuck could get on, a group of fat tourists pushed ahead and jumped in with Claude. Chuck stepped back and said, "Alright, you go on ahead. I'll take the stairs." Claude shrugged it off and the elevator doors closed. The fat tourists in front of Claude began bickering to each other as the elevator started going up. "Terry said THAT? About Jane? He couldn't have said that", one fatass said to the others. One other fatass jumped in and said, "Oh, I heard him with my own two ears, Sheila. I told Terry not to act on it, though, because Jane could file a grievance and get his ass canned." The third fatass asked, "Wait, is Jane the one with the highlights or the one with the limp?" The first one replied, "Jane's the crosseyed one." The third one took a bite of her doughnut and said, "Oooooooh. She's *bleep*ing ugly." The second fatass laughed hysterically and replied, "All of them are at work. Not a one knows how to look classy." The first one replied, "You said it, girlfriend." Just then, the elevator stopped and the lights went out. Claude looked around and said, "What ze hell is zees about?" The third fatass looked back at Claude and said, "Ooh, I love French guys", and took another bite of her doughnut. The elevator dropped a bit and let off a deafening metal screech, scaring the hell out of all four. The second fatass began crying uncontrollably, and the other two tried to comfort her. Just then, the elevator dropped again, letting off a louder metal screech. Claude rapidly pressed the Open Door button, but to no avail. And then, everyone heard a snap. The elevator came crashing down from the 14th floor. As it hit the bottom, the container nearly dissintigrated due to how much force built up behind it as it shot down the shaft (giggity). As the smoke settled and everything became dead silent, a note blew down the elevator shaft and came to rest upon the rubble. This note said: As in the autumn-time the leaves fall off, First one and then another, till the branch Unto the earth surrenders all its spoils The killer had claimed his next victims. Chelskiman, you dead, bro  .Also, the sound effects probably won't make a return, as I know they're annoying. I just figured I'd come back with something unique. Anyways, everyone send in your votes in a private PM thread. And again, don't ask any questions in the group PM thread that you believe would give away your status in the game  .Edit: Apr 23, 11 | |
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| Aura |
Apr 22, 11 at 3:49am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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A spoon?! A *bleep*ing spoon?! That's hilarious!
Glad to see you came back to pick up the pieces Ditnopota, the laugh I just had was well worth the wait. ------------------- | |
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| Agent Mo |
Apr 22, 11 at 5:56am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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Nice, the pun in the title wasnt that good this time though
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| HunterKiller666 |
Apr 23, 11 at 2:07am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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| Existence |
May 01, 11 at 3:07am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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| Ditnopota |
May 01, 11 at 4:07am ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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quote Existence I'll give it until the end of tomorrow (11:00 my time) for everyone to get their votes in and then I'll PM the killer about the next part . | |
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| Agent Mo |
May 24, 11 at 1:24pm ^
re: Neighbourhood Vs. Killer (SHS Edition) II: Paradiso in Rovina
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