Monterray James's drunken wisdom - November 2012 update

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The Hunchback Of Notre Dame - Score: 9/10
It engages you into the story, especially through song, which is what a musical is meant to do, but the spoken dialogue scenes are equally as engaging as they are all very well written. Really, it's just the comic relief that's the problem. It's out of place and not even that good. It's a shame, because this had the potential to be a classic Disney movie, even if the source material is a bit too dark for Disney to make into an animated film for audiences everywhere. It's not the usual Disney experience... and in this reviewer's opinion, when it's done right, it's a very, very good thing.

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Duke Nukem Forever - Score: 5.5/10
Really, all it is, is that it's a mediocre game that offers only an awesome character and some pedestrian gameplay. It's worth a purchase if you're curious as to what we've been waiting so long for, and to its credit, Duke is as awesome as ever, but if you got other games to play and couldn't care less for Duke, then play them first.

Red Faction - Score: 4/10
The only crimes commited here are disappointment and boredom, because if you ignore the AI at its worst (which is like 80% of the time), it's technically competent... but competence isn't enough. It has to be fun, too!

Red Faction 2 - Score: 7/10
More interesting firefights, better AI and an even better story. I wish they used the geo modding system a little better, and that it was a little longer, but all in all, this is still a good game and certainly a lot of fun. If you can find a copy, go get it. It's not the next Half Life 2, but it's still worth a few coins.

Serious Sam 3: BFE - Score: 9/10
Its fast and frenetic action that remains exhilarating because of aggressive AI, lots of guns and the pacing between encounters that gives you enough time to catch your breath. Overall, it's tons of fun and I wish shooters would slide a bit more in this direction instead of trying to be the next Half Life.

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Atelier Rorona: Alchemist Of Arland - Score: 6/10
The alchemy system is pretty interesting and the learning curve is appropriate to give you the gist of things without losing your cool, and the soundtrack is pretty sweet... Really, I'd trace all of its problems to the mixed quality of the jokes, outdated graphics, and the boring battle system.

Blade Kitten - Score: 6.5/10
The name of the game is to be as average as possible, with no thrills or anything that'll entice anybody to pick it up. Oh, and apparently, this is just episode 1, so we'll see how episode 2 improves things-- oh wait, Krome Studios died. Never mind.

Blood Drive - Score: 3.5/10
If anything, it would've worked better as a downloadable title with way fewer levels, more polish, a more lenient way of progression (in which if you come in the top three, you progress, and first place just nets trophies), and with more reason to purchase it so that there'd be more people playing it online. It's just the only way this game would work better.

Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 - Score: 9/10
The hype surrounding this game was astronomical, while the game itself was pretty good. It felt a little overhyped, considering the length of the single player campaign and the fact that multiplayer wasn’t all that improved over its predecessors. However, it’s fun as hell to play, so you can’t really say no to this game, especially if you have a craving for co-operative play.

Dark Void - Score: 5.4/10
When you’re not doing crappy escort missions, you’re flying through the air and trying to make the flying machines your bitch, but when there are some moments of third person shooting, eh, at least you can make it more fun with the jetpack. If you’re looking for a week’s worth of entertainment, give this a rent. You’re better off flushing $13 down the toilet than do what I did and flush $90 down the drain.

Eternal Sonata - Score: 9/10
Eternal Sonata manages to be a treat for those willing to play it. The problems presented aren't that big of a deal when you actually play through the game, though they're still there, preventing this game from being perfect. However, with an epic soundtrack, colorful anime-inspired visuals, coupled off with an excellent story and a very engaging battle system, Eternal Sonata comes as recommended to anybody, especially those into JRPGs.

Final Fantasy XIII - Score: 8/10
If you are able to get through a rather sluggish start, you’ll find yourself really enjoying the fights and, by extension, the rest of the game. Yeah, bits and pieces could be trimmed out to make the beginning shorter and, to be honest, more tolerable, but for the most part, it’s good, and you’ll certainly get your money’s worth out of this.

Guitar Hero: Metallica - Score: 8/10
Guitar Hero: Metallica is a great tribute to Metallica, even if it's basically Guitar Hero: World Tour with some Metallica content.

Heavenly Sword - Score: 8.8/10
The length shouldn’t scare you into not getting it, especially since it comes cheap now, and if it scares you, you’re only missing out on excellent combat, nice visuals, and some ace quality storytelling that only a few games on any system ever made have managed to top, and for a hack and slash no less. If you haven’t got this, you probably don’t have a PS3.

Heavy Rain - Score: 9/10
It gets extremely close to perfection, but since it’s easy to nitpick at that point, it doesn’t quite touch the summit. Grade S story, surprisingly excellent and intense quick time events, nice visual style, and a damn cool soundtrack manage to give Heavy Rain its gigantic power over gamers who play it. Put down Modern Warfare 2 or Killzone 2 or whatever the hell it is you’re playing, sit down, and play this for a while. Buy it, rent it, steal it - whatever it takes to get this game!

Journey - Score: 9.5/10
The beautiful scenery, the beautiful music, the beautiful ambiance - it's all there, and it undermines the gameplay because there isn't much to it, both in terms of what you do and how long the journey takes. Yeah, even though it's only just under 2 hours long and it loses its impact upon repeated playthroughs, I would still enthusiastically recommend it because you really, really need to experience this, and if you don't have a PS3, well, there are heaps of other games you can purchase on top of Journey - just depends on how much you're willing to spend on a console and a library of games just to experience this masterpiece in gaming...

Kane and Lynch 2: Dog Days - Score: 3.5/10
There is nothing that'll scream BUY ME, and there is a fair amount wrong with the game, meaning, well, there's no reason to buy it. Bad graphics, bad soundtrack, bad gameplay and, above all else, well, who cares!?

Killzone 2 - Score: 9/10
Killzone 2 is pretty much just about everything you could expect out of a first person shooter. It doesn't bullcrap around with any hand-holding stages, you get in there and kill every bad guy you see with blood splattering everywhere, all the while, immersing yourself in the loud sound effects, sweet weapons and cheese-corny dialogue. Load times are a huge pain however, but that shouldn't you.

Knights Contract - Score: 7/10
It hates you, and wants you and your controller dead, especially on the hardest difficulty setting. It's hard, just like real life! Admittedly, there are some pretty shitty parts, but they're overcomable with determination.

L.A. Noire - Score: 6.5/10
Whatever story ends up being told is written very well with some of the best voice acting in gaming and excellent motion capturing, backed up by some slick car chases and detective gameplay. Really, it just depends on your priorities - do you feel that Phoenix Wright would work as well as a detective as he does a lawyer, or do you have to make absolutely sure that everything in a game is good? If the former, go for it. If the latter, skip it. If you're still on the fence, hey, there's always the option to borrow this off of a mate or Gamefly.

Last Rebellion - Score: 4.5/10
The story is a mess, the characters aren’t interesting, the battle system can be a bit on the irritating side sometimes, and the graphics are awfully behind the times. That said, the soundtrack is nice enough, and the battle system, when it doesn’t irritate you, is not all bad, but not that great either.

Mirror's Edge - Score: 7.5/10
I could recommend it to most of the general public with a 360, PS3 or PC; however, I can't really recommend this to anybody who is into storylines or anybody who angers easily (there are a few anger erupting parts out there - not heaps, but a few). Oh well, Mirror's Edge is still a good game; just not that fantastic.

Modnation Racers = Score: 7.5/10
With all the creative tools at your disposal, you'll be sucked into this game for a long while... until people stop creating stuff and/or the servers shut down, but until then, this is definitely something all PS3 owners should at least try out.

Resonance Of Fate - Score: 8.5/10
Fast and intense combat requiring some heavy duty thinking. If you’re one to try out new things, you should give this a shot. Actually, everybody should give this a shot, even those of you who don’t normally like JRPGs, because this strays a fair bit from the norms. Excellent characters, excellent battle system... Story could probably use a little work, but meh, that’s the only real problem, if anything.

Rise Of The Argonauts - Score: 4.5/10
Setting a release date one or two holiday seasons too early is the main downfall here, and it's made evident by some shoddy programming, dull graphics and some parts that generally feel unfinished. It had good intentions, but it screwed itself over in the end, meaning that it doesn't come as recommended to anybody.

Shadows Of The Damned - 5/10
I'm sorry, but I can't bring myself to call this a good game by any stretch of the imagination. You can have all the cool designs in the world, but it'll never get rid of the bad taste in my mouth. It's bad enough that there's a lot of padding, but for half the padding to come from the bosses is enough to make you want to give Goichi Suda and Shinji Mikami what for. An action game lives and dies by its action, and usually, the bosses are the best in that department, so for these bosses to feel like a test of patience is to really destroy the game. The action itself is fine and it's awesome blowing heads off, seeing them gush with blood everywhere, but it's not enough to make up for the terrible bosses.

Shank - Score: 8/10
Although it only clocks in at 4 hours for the single player and about 3 for the multiplayer with some lengthy load times and it contains some cheap instances, Shank manages to provide some stylish graphics on top of a soundtrack to back up the otherwise excellent balls to the wall gameplay. Honestly, if you want to have some fun kicking ass with some very stylish graphics to back you up, you just need to pony up 15 bucks and you'll be sold.

Shatter - Score: 8.5/10
THIS is how you do a neo-retro game. This, and Bionic Commando: Rearmed show that you can appease newer gamers AND old school gamers by fusing elements from new AND old games!

Sonic The Hedgehog - Score: 3/10
It just didn't want to cooperate with the player, especially when it comes to certain characters, situations, and the camera controls themselves.

Sonic The Hedgehog Episode 1 - Score: 4/10
This isn't the worst Sonic game I've ever played, but given what's able to be experienced in this game, I just hope they don't screw up Episode 2 this badly. Poor gameplay and poor physics engine really kill it, and I just hope that Dimps figures out how to program for consoles before they're torn to pieces by yours truly.

Sonic The Hedgehog 4 Episode 2 - Score: 6.5/10
It does fine technically, but there isn't much fun to be had, and really, for a game like this, fun is the one thing that'll do it justice. I mean, it's got all the ingredients for a good Sonic game; it's just that some weren't cooked long enough and some cooked for a bit too long.

Sonic Unleashed - Score: 6/10
Maybe if you’re into trial-and-error gameplay, or bugger it, if you like Sonic, you should have a lot of fun with a decent amount of this game. If you’re like me and just want a good game, you may need to look out further, because this isn’t really what you’re looking for.

Super Stardust HD - Score: 8.5/10
Its 'addicting as tobacco' gameplay is what makes this game work as well as it does. Add on some kickass graphics, and you got yourself a deal!

The King Of Fighters XII - Score: 6.5/10
It's nearly impossible to recommend this game, unless you absolutely have to play a new fighting game. Even so, I have to ask... why not BlazBlue? Why not Street Fighter 4? Why are you choosing this over them? This may have some spectacular visuals, but overall, it's just another fighting game that really halfassed the single player modes.

^*NEW*Tokyo Jungle - Score: 9/10
Tokyo Jungle is the kind of game that immerses you into its environment and lets the gameplay work its magic on you. That's what a game ought to do, especially one that seems rather mediocre upon first glance too. Then you get the idea that Tokyo Jungle is one that's meant to be played over and over again to unlock more animals for Survival mode and beat the world, and then you let your guard down for a second and from then on, you'll be hooked.

Trinity: Souls Of Zill O'll - Score: 5.5/10
Soundtrack and combat aside, the game is content with mediocrity. If you're interested, wait for a price drop or something, because this is, in no way, worth the $80 I paid for it. Perhaps $35 is more reasonable. Or not at all. Your choice, your money.

Vanquish - Score: 8.5/10
If a bad story, short campaign and lack of multiplayer sounds bad, then you'll actually be missing out, because everything else is pretty good. It's one of those games that needs to be played, if only because it's not the same cookie cutter bullshit we've been getting since *bleep*ing Gears Of War and Modern Warfare came out.

Warhawk - Score: 8.5/10
It's addictive, it's well executed and it's just a bare boned multiplayer-based game. There are enough maps (default and downloadable content) to keep you playing through without getting too bored, and they all look so awesome.

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Disgaea: Hour Of Darkness - Score: 7/10
The content of Disgaea is fantastic, no doubt about it. The story itself is alright but the humor is what drives it home, and the battle system is very, very well constructed. However, Disgaea also encourages you to do a lot of grinding, which amounts to wasting your time which can be spent doing better things. When it gets to that point, I almost get to the point where I'm ready to get out my GBA and play Fire Emblem instead, but then I remember that Disgaea's content is just bloody brilliant, and it keeps me in a cool and calm frame of mind while grinding my time away to level up enough to beat the next boss, and once I feel like I can stand a chance, the amount of strategy involved in defeating them and the hilarity of the next cutscene makes up for all the boredom I experienced through grinding.

Killer7 - Score: 7.5/10
The gameplay is good, but it has its share of flaws. But that's nothing compared to just how weird the story gets as you progress, eventually ending with something that's going to blow your mind. In spite of every single flaw it has, it is a game that must be experienced at least once.

King Kong - Score: 9/10
Whether it's the fun as hell King Kong sections or the surprisingly immersing survivalist Jack sections that could easily pass itself off as a Dino Crisis sequel, the game is a treat. Never mind that it's a licensed game - it's one of the few that's not just good in light of its pedigree, but is also a legitimately excellent game. Really, you'd be doing yourself a disservice by avoiding this game. Unless you stopped collecting consoles after the Nintendo 64 or simply skipped the sixth generation and didn't get an Xbox 360, you should definitely get this game for your collection and play through it, and even if you do have it, play it again, because it's just *bleep*ing awesome and deserves to be played.

The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King - Score: 8/10
While the Lord Of The Rings games have gotten better over the years, Return Of The King is the beginning of an era where the games really shine brightly. Before, they were games that were simply good, if fairly underwhelming, but starting with this game, they (more often than not, anyway) started to realize their potential for greatness. Return Of The King is a well made hack and slash game and if you don't mind some frustrating parts, you'll find within the disc very immersing gameplay aided by a bloody epic soundtrack.

Resident Evil 4 - Score: 5.5/10
It's just that the controls don't work well with the action. Not being able to move and shoot in an action game is quite stupid. What was a minor annoyance in the older games is almost a game killer here. It's a shame the controls blow, because it really is a game that could've gone the distance, especially in terms of cinematics, but the number one rule of a game is to be able to play it and have fun. Resident Evil 4 performs the cardinal sin of being irritating to play.

Soul Calibur 3 - Score: 5/10
It's a diamond that sparkles a few times, but it's covered in horse manure. It often shoves a victory up your ass with an opponent who is able to bend your spine in minutes, and with the fact that some characters are plain impossible to control while some are easy as piss and strong as hell at once, and then the save file corruptions when you mess with you memory card a bit, the game can feel unfinished at moments, and presentation isn't going to save its ass from being a "fan-only" game. The actual engine works well... just needs to sort out some AI deficiencies and balance issues.

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Tomb Raider - Score: 9/10
While none of the individual elements are that great, together, they just work really well. Add a well paced plot to the mix, and you've got yourself a game that really makes an impression on you. Control and camera quirks aside, this is a great game that you ought to buy, and if you didn't like it, well, it's perfectly understandable. To you, these elements won't feel right; to me, most of them did.

Vagrant Story - Score: 7/10
It had some great ideas, but the execution wasn't as good as it could've been, and having to work with weapons that have many different combinations and attributes alongside enemies with weaknesses and strengths to certain properties ensures that you'll spend half of your time pausing and switching weapons, which really breaks the flow and just gets you out of it. I'm really disappointed because it gets everything else just right. I loved the story, I loved the presentation, and I just loved the hell out of the ambiance!

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^*NEW*Rayman 2: The Great Escape - 8/10
It's the kind of game that puts in a lot of cool things to give each level a bundle of personality, to make each level a lot of fun to play through. I dare say the reason for all of that was because unlike every other platformer out at the time, this is a linear game that isn't chock full of collectibles in like 32 different segments of a level; it's a game with a Point A and a Point B, and maybe a Point C for some collectibles here and there. Ultimately, this is a pretty damn good game that really needs to be checked out, despite its flaws.

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Alex Kidd in Miracle World - Score: 8.5/10
Even if there are moments and parts that could be better, this game is still a good one to own and play through a few times. Great graphics, great gameplay, nice soundtrack and good enough controls - everything that would reel in the average gamer.

Black Belt - Score: 7/10
Black Belt is a competent game, but suffers from gross repetition which causes the game to get old quickly, and also suffers from cheap boss fights. Even if you play it, it’s a one-off game. Once you finished the game, that’s it really.

F-16 Fighting Falcon - Score: 0/10
It offers nothing worth anything, except the most traumatizing experience this side of Action 52. It tries to be a flight simulator, but instead, it becomes a pain simulator, working hand in hand with crabs to make sure that you never see your pubes ever again, because you'll be tearing them out over how much of a frustrating mess this is. If you value your soul and self-value, you won't touch this game.

Golvellius: Valley Of Doom - Rating: 9/10
It manages to combine some impressive concepts we've seen before, particularly in the 2 8-bit Zelda games, and make them feel better, as if it was to show off in front of them, maybe except certain controls to an extent. It's sad that this game was largely ignored, because it could give many 8-bit games a run for their money, with impressive visuals, kickass soundtrack and engaging gameplay. No Sega Master System owner is to be without this game.

Line of Fire - Score: 7.2/10
In all actuality, if you’re into shoot em ups, you shouldn’t have much reason to pass this up. If not, then I advise something else. This won’t change your mind anytime soon.

Lord of the Sword - Score: 2/10
It doesn't come recommended unless you're willing to cure insomnia. The gameplay gets redundant over time, and that's if you know where you're going, which is an impossibility since the map is about as useful to a sidescrolling adventure as an empty box for fire kindling. The lack of a password saving makes for a neat final nail on the coffin. Really, only go for it for collection's sake.

Master Of Darkness - Score: 9.5/10
Its excellent blend of dark atmosphere and excellent gameplay should attract any horror buff and Sega Master System owner to its allure. Yeah, it's basically Sega's answer to Castlevania (and a bit late, at that), but if you enjoyed Castlevania, you'll certainly love this game... mostly because Master Of Darkness doesn't carry over the frustrating bits of Castlevania.

Miracle Warriors: Seal of the Dark Lord - Score: 4/10
You’d be hoping Enix would have some ample competition against Sega... I mean, Nintendo did. Unfortunately, Enix slept easily, since their RPG was at least enjoyable. This isn’t. Do the math; only get this if you’re really into RPGs, particularly ones focused on dungeon crawling.

Power Strike - Score: 8.5/10
It should really satisfy those who are looking for more shoot em ups to play. It’s fast, it’s intense, it’s difficult, and it’s a hell of a ride.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Score: 8.5/10
I mean, you'd think this would catch on, but due to being on an inferior system, it just didn't click with audiences, especially those who didn't give a damn about the system in the first place. Sucks, too. Great graphics, fun as hell gameplay, good soundtrack - most of the 9 yards, right here!

The Ninja - Score: 8.5/10
It's far from the most difficult game on the Master System, but it'll give you a run for your money if you're not too careful. Everything holds up pretty finely. The game is nice to look at, it controls finely and is a pretty fun game to play through. Maybe if a certain song wasn't the way it was, and if there were more tunes, the game would be one of the best Master System titles ever, but as it is now, it still comes as recommended, though it's far from the best you can do.

Wonder Boy - Score: 9/10
It's definitely one of those timeless classics you can go back to again and again, due to how fun it is to play through. Colorful visuals, excellent (if limited) soundtrack, and some pretty intense and fun as hell gameplay. Oh, sure, the jumping takes a bit of getting used to since it doesn't allow for a change of momentum in air and operates a little oddly, but everything else puts the problem to shame and makes the game extra tender... Definitely worth going through.

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Alex Kidd In The Enchanted Castle - 5/10
It's not that it's bad, because there are certainly parts that are well designed, but it just has a few too many screws loose, which ultimately resulted in the series being scrapped in favor of Sonic The Hedgehog. Potential, thy name was Alex Kidd.

Altered Beast - Score: 3/10
The mediocre production quality isn't much to shake a stick at... in fact, there's nothing to enjoy. The bosses come close, but they're just too easy and brief to enjoy. If you're somebody looking to play some old school games, don't bother with this one, because it's not worth a second of your time. Go play Sonic or something.

Beyond Oasis - Score: 8.5/10
Doesn't have the best story or trickiest bosses in the world, but it more than makes up for it with some well thought out puzzles and a large emphasis on exploration to make life easier for you. Just about everything that could make an Action RPG good is within this game. Quite a shame it didn't get too popular, or there'd be a hell of a series, I can tell you that much!

Columns = Score: 6/10
There is nothing ultimately mindblowing about this game, and even as a time killer, it's not quite as good as similar games. Just play Tetris instead.

Comix Zone - Score: 9.2/10
When games in this genre were a dime a dozen, this came by and changed a fair amount. Pity that it was released very late into the Genesis's generation, or it would've been lauded as one of the greatest games to hit the system... oh wait, it is, thanks to the Sega compilation discs on the PS2, PSP, 360 and PS3, and the Wii Virtual Console. Thank god Sega remembered, or most people wouldn't even hear of this amazing game.

Golden Axe - Score: 7/10
It's slow, it only gives you 2 or 3 enemies on screen at once, and nothing really stands out as excellent. But what gives it steam is that it's a lot of fun. It's fun to bash enemies' brains in, it's fun to ride a beast and breathe fire on them, and it's especially fun just feeling like a badass barbarian! But honestly, it's the kind of game that only has fun going for it, so I hope you're ready to have fun... it isn't a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, that's for sure!

Kid Chameleon - Score: 8/10
Platformer fanatics will eat this up, but other folks may pass it up in fear of being ingested by the sheer force of this game's length. Could always try this out on an emulator or on either of the Genesis Collection discs (PS2/PSP or PS3/360 ones - take your pick), just to see if you can get into it. Your choice, really. Just know that it's a good game.

Sonic The Hedgehog - Score: 8/10
This has a lot to offer - colorful designs, big levels with plenty to find, and a lot of attention to detail. These are the kind of things that really gives your game some steam to kick ass and take names, especially if it's a system seller. Not to mention, it's just a lot of fun to play through every now and again, and since it's pretty well designed, I don't know what's stopping you from playing this, shy of not having it.

Super Thunder Blade - Score: 3/10
Shit controls, shit gameplay, shit all fun - the only reason this game has a chance in hell is because it at least looks and sounds like something that has a soul. MAYBE only play it in the Genesis Collection on the PS3 and 360 just for the achievement/trophy, but that's it.

Vectorman - Score: 9/10
It's a near masterpiece as far as sidescrolling games are concerned. I'm surprised a franchise wasn't made out of this, because it seems like something that would make for a fantastic series of games if this is anything to go by! If you need a reminder of why, here it is – excellently crafted graphics on top of soul sucking music, with the main course being big levels and ball bustingly awesome shoot em up gameplay!

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Dragon's Dogma (PS3)
Dragon Age: Origins (PC)
Half-Minute Hero (PC)
The Legend Of Zelda: Skyward Sword (Wii)
The Legend Of Zelda: Twilight Princess (GC)
Persona 3 (PS2)
Pikmin (GC)
Tales Of Symphonia (GC)