Spurs 2012 Summer Transfer Window

Official pic of Modric picking his new club. It's like the trailers for the Apprentice where you see him pointing but don't find out who won until you watch the real show.

THE SUMMER SO FAR

IN: Jan Vertonghen, Defender, Ajax
Linked with several clubs, Vertonghen expressed an early interest in joining Spurs and negotiated personal terms in late May/early June. Ajax threw a tantrum and invented several clauses to prolong the transfer before eventually reaching an agreement, tutting and saying "FINE" in that waypeople do when they don't actually want to do something.

Probability: Done Deal, approx. £10m fee

OUT?: Luka Modric, Real Madrid, Manchester United, Chelsea, PSG
Picking up where last August left off, Luka threw his toys out the pram and demanded a transfer to somewhere who will give him a shit ton of money Champion's League football. Chelsea seemed first choice last year but under Di Matteo, Modric may prove one attack minded player too many for his brand of anti-football. Real Madrid look set to complete a deal for the Croatian, but PSG may just hijack it and offer him €100,000 a minute and a solid diamond statue of himself.

THEY'RE RUINING FOOTBALL.

Probability: AVB's accepted it will happen, the fans have, the media have, but it's Levy's call. Highly Likely.

IN: Gylfi Sigurdsson, Fisherman, Hoffenheim
Sigurdsson impressed everyone with his short spell at overachievers Swansea, helping them to within touching distance of a top-half debut to the Premier League. Looked all set to sign permanently only for Brendan Rodgers to up sticks to Liverpool and take Gylfi with him. Looked all set for sign for Liverpool only for us to offer him more money and a wider target market for his burgeoning fishing business. FACTS.

Probability: Done, £6.8m
Probability we're paying him 70k a week: Unlikely, unless Levy's had his pockets lined with Kuwaiti millions.

IN: Emmanuel Adebayor, Striker, Manchester City
Scored loads for us last season while Man City paid him to do so. Now we're paying them back to the tune of £6m for him to do it all again.

Probability: Done, £6m.
Probability he'll go to shit and we won't be able to offload him: Depressingly possible.

IN?: Joao Moutinho, Midfielder, FC Porto
After an impressive display at Euro 2012, Moutinho became one of Europe's hottest transfer targets. Spurs fought off interest from Manchester United by employing Moutinho's best mate and former manager Villas-Boas, and sit in first position to sign the £30million rated midfielder.

Probability: Almost a certainty if Modric leaves.

OUT: Steven Pienaar, Midfielder, Everton
In a financial deal known as the "Reverse Robbie Keane, we gave Everton some money and left Pienaar on our bench for a bit before giving him back to Everton but now they're gonna have to pay us even more than we gave them in order to keep him.

Business!

Probability: You can bet your nan on this one. Might even have been confirmed by now.

OUT?: Rafa Van der Vaart, Hamburg, Schalke
AVB's announcement as manager cast some doubts over Rafa's future, with AVB preferring young, dynamic, pacy midfielders like Ramires over shit ones like Lampard. Was linked with a return to Germany, at either former club Hamburg or Schalke. Schalke pulled out then AVB said he thought VDV was "a triffic playah with a top reputation" and so his future was less uncertain and everyone had an Arry flashback.

Probability: Looking less likely by the minute. The man's a yid at heart.

OUT?: Jermaine Defoe, Striker, Reading
Possibly the most capped player ever to never complete 90 minutes for England, his apparent magnetism to the subs bench and Arry's lack of rotation cost Defoe playing time year on year. Played for England at Euro 2012 and still somehow likely to find himself at a Reading side whose primary objective is avoiding relegation.

Probability: Likely.

IN?: Hugo Lloris, Goalkeeper, Lyon / Karim Benzema, Striker, Real Madrid, / Loic Remy, Striker, Marseille / Gonzalo Higuaín, Striker, Real Madrid
Mostly rumours, Spurs have announced interest in Lloris and Remy but are yet to make official enquiries, while Benzema and Higuaín have each been linked with a move to the Lane as part of a swap deal for Modric.

Probability: Very Unlikely.

OUT?: Ryan Nelsen, Useless sack of shite, (Released) / Louis Saha, Striker (Released) / SeaBassong, Defender, Wolves / David Bentley, Midfielder / Jermaine Jenas, Midfielder / Danny Rose, on his Premier League debut! / Heurelho Gomes, Goalkeeper

The deadweight likely to find a new home this window. Saha and Nelsen were quickly released in an attempt to pretend that buying them never happened, while Bassong looks to make his move to Wolves a permanent one. Bentley, Jenas and Gomes sit in the reserves dragging on the wage bill and all are likely to be moved on, with Danny Rose also linked with a move away.

Probability: At least 2 or 3 will leave.

How likely is it you'll appoint Laurent Blanc?

D I O S / lazio / GregtheGreat, change it back you fun sponge

Is he a Chehmun Dahnyul signing?

quote Star of Spurs

* A *bleep*ING STRIKER THAT WE OWN PLEASE (THAT ISN'T LOUIS SAHA)

You can have Berba back plus £15m but only if Modric comes the other way.

quote Dan_bug

Is he a Chehmun Dahnyul signing?

Cheap, triffic lad, family man. Wait, wrong man. Cheap though (in comparison to other targets).

Agreed on Moutinho and Sahin though SOS. Moutinho has an obvious link with AVB. Called that one before the talks were even underway, just makes perfect sense. Sahin would be superb too. Would be very happy with either.

Gylfi's not a Modric replacement imo anyways. Think it's just taking a punt on someone who's good value right now. He can play wide too, although he's not half as effective there.

quote Chelsea Boi

Porto won't sell Moutinho to AVB unless it's big bucks. Plus, would he leave Porto for Spurs?

We've got money. We've been saving and scraping the past two years basically, and I think Danyhul knows we've got to spend to keep up, especially now that you *bleep* had to go and win the Champion's League (seriously, that was immensely dickish of you). I wouldn't say it's too farfetched to see him coming here.

I'd see him as more likely than Sahin, purely because I can't see Madrid throwing away someone with a lot of potential just to get Luka.

Gylfi is apparently £8m. Great business if so.

quote Chelsea Boi

quote Star of Spurs

quote Chelsea Boi

Porto won't sell Moutinho to AVB unless it's big bucks. Plus, would he leave Porto for Spurs?

We've got money. We've been saving and scraping the past two years basically, and I think Danyhul knows we've got to spend to keep up, especially now that you *bleep* had to go and win the Champion's League (seriously, that was immensely dickish of you).

I'd see him as more likely than Sahin, purely because I can't see Madrid throwing away someone with a lot of potential just to get Luka.

I'm glad you enjoyed every moment of our Champions League success

I only wondered about Moutinho because he's got Champions League with Porto and is winning trophies there. I know you're a Premiership team etc. But would it be enough to convince him?

I could see both sides. He's got it good at Porto but here there'll be a manager he knows in a higher standard of league who'll probably be willing to pay him whatever Luka leaves behind (should Madrid and us agree). I could see it.