Parody Quest [M/L] {~Invite Only~} - Page 7

THE MADG CATHEDRAL WAS DARK! Then again, it was the cathedral of ultimate breakfast. I mean evil! Evil is what I meant! Damn I'm hungry.

THE DAMG CATHEDRAL WAS JUST AS IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE! The guards prowled around with night-vision goggles, nameless and wearing funky outfits that made absolutely no sense at all. I think I mentioned what they looked like in the opening post but that was yea- I mean episodes ago. It hasn't been years at all. Give me a moment to go back and check and see.

I did, yes, and wow these guys must get paid a lot to wear something so ridiculous. I mean, come on. Seriously? I wrote tha-

"Is this going anywhere?" MAGD asked, impatient. He had this whole filler planned out and I was ruining it by writing it as if it belonged in Parody Quest.

Well shut the *bleep* up evil big bad because it is in Parody Quest and you're going to deal with it.

"Grrr!"

Okay, now you can go. I'm done.

"Good. You know, you have potential. You're almost as evil as me." AGMD said as he stroked his goate- wait, no, that was gone during the filler episode. He was just stroking his chin, then.

Well, I am an Anti-Villain. I suppose they're--

"BEGONE, KNAVE!"

All of the nameless guards in the throne room were dead silent as they stared at their leader, who was apparently talking to himself and not to me. The silence was deafening, which made absolutely no sense. I think I've already used that joke, as well.

The deafening silence was soon broken by the giant cathedral doors opening. All of the guards turned to see who were coming in. Lightning flashed dramatically behind the figure, water dripped from his floral dress and his identity was no longer mysterious. Matilda came in, bruised and battered.

"So, what's the news that isn't good but certainly not bad?" Asked the DZAM as he reclined in his throne of EVIL. Because it was totally a La-Z Boy and completely comfortable.

"Well, sir," Matilda started, wiping water from his brow. "They, quite frankly, beat the shit out of me. And out-hacked me. And I lost."

"Well DUH," UMAD responded. "You're not a main character. Of course they beat you."

Matilda stared at his boss. "But, then, by that logic," he started slowly. "Then that means you're going to lose when they show up, too. And if you know that, then why are you doing this?"

"Because I'm bor- OH GOD A CAT!" DGAM pointed towards the cathedral doors because they were still open. Matilda was raised in a barn, apparently. All of the nameless guards turned to see the black and white cat enter through the DOORS OF EVIL and start drying itself off. Because cats don't like being wet. "Someone fetch that cat a towel! WAIT, GET THE SCIENTISTS I'VE JUST HAD A BRILLIANT IDEA!"

All of the nameless guards went to do the GAZD's bidding, and finally Nameless Scientist Jack came out to meet him. "Sir, I have been summoned, and thus I come."

"You sound so posh, I don't like it." DAMG replied.

Nameless Scientist Jack blinked in confusion a few times before restating his earlier statement. "Yo dawg yo called me here so I came and shizzle."

"I liked you better when you were posh," GDMA cringed. He pointed at the cat. Actually, I don't think he ever stopped pointing at the cat. So, he continued pointing at the cat. "Do you see that."

"The cat, sir?"

"The cat, do you see it."

"I see the cat."

"So you conclude that it is, in fact, a cat."

"It's not in a box, so yes, I can conclude and feel very confident about the conclusion that it is, in fact, a cat."

"Good, I want you to go transform it into a human."

"Wait, what?" Nameless Scientist Jack whipped his head around so quickly that he almost looked like the dramatic groundhog.

"Yes, and use this." Reaching into his darkness (you know, the one that always surrounds him at all times), he pulled out a sheet of paper.

Nameless Scientist Jack looked at the paper. "Sir, this is-"

"Yes, a Pathfinder Character sheet. The cat human is to be modeled after that Rogue." The DGAM started pointing at various parts. "She's to be a sneaky sneakster that uses a whip. She might also multiclass to Bard later on."

"Are... Are you sure about this? Multiclassing to Bard isn't really all that great I mean if you're multiclassing then-"

"You're a munchkin, aren't you?"

"A-a what?"

"... Go get the damn cat."

"Yes sir." With a sigh, Nameless Scientist Jack started walking to the cat. He picked up the cat and started drying it off. At first, it was purring as if enjoying the attention, and then... "OH GOD IT'S GOING FOR MY EYES WHY WOULD IT GO FOR THE EYES SOMEONE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS EVIL HELP ME!"

"Mwaha, priceless."

And then the DGFA went back to lounging in his La-Z Boy

Matilda had been on the floor this entire time. "Someone, please, help me. I'm dying."

"Mwaha, priceless."