Parody Quest [M/L] {~Invite Only~} - Page 6

"Oh please," said the biggest of the gay men. "You boys just can't compare to us."

"Do you have a sister?" Tiger asked"

"Why yes I do, why?"

"We *bleep*ed her."

"YOU BOYS AREN'T GAY!?"

Lavir was confused. There hasn't been this much confusion in Parody Quest since Wuff.

"Actually," Rust started. "I think Tiger goes both ways."

"I-" Tiger began.

"ALL OF YOU SHUT UP!" Lavir rushed forward and punched the biggest homosexual in the head. I'll leave that up for interpretation. He grabbed the guy he had just punched by the arm and tossed him at the other gay people, who began to immerse themselves in their Beatmymeat citizenship.

"Woah, new guy, this isn't how we do things around here!" Rust yelled. "We take turns!"

"What the hell does that mean!?" Lavir was pissed. No one told him he couldn't attack people, no one!

Then, suddenly and unexpectedly because there has only been racism against homophobes! The ground opened up and out poured several Troglodytes who wore nothing but loincloths. The gay people's immersion didn't last much longer as they stared at the new bodies and heads that had appeared.

"MONSTERS! TIGER, GET THEM, DELTA FORMATION OR SOMETHING!" Rust yelled as he pulled out his new weapon: The pumpkin. Which promptly disappeared. He was actually pretty sure he never had one to begin with, and that he never would.

"God, I'm starting to wish Maxwell was here," Tiger added with a facepalm.

Tiger of Wu didn't want to write a conclusion, though he concluded that in thirty minutes he would have to do so anyway. He pondered what such a conclusion would mean. Would it be the end of Lavir's time in PQ? Maxwell was meant to be a guest star, yet he's back, kind of... yet Wuff hasn't been. Tiger pondered this as the gangrush happened, and went back to the scene just as it ended.

"Boy, that was awesome!" Rust yelled.

"Yeah d00d!" the Maxamune agreed, before being kicked by Lavir, before exploding.

"I wish someone had documented this in some way, shape, or form, so that other people could be in awe of its splender," Tiger wished.

"Yeah, shame they didn't. Oh well, let's go outside now." And thus they went outside, whilst Rust applied lipstick with his chainsaw. "Err... guys..." he began, not noticing that he was using his chainsaw on his face to apply scarlet red when he was looking for something more maroon. Oh the fool!

"That was shorter than most adventures," Tiger stated, ignoring Rust.

"Yeah d00d, the others lasted a- GODDAMMNIT!" Lavir shouted before kicking the Maxamune. He recovered from the explosion quite easily, because it was the badass thing to do. Tiger learnt that as well. "The others lasted two hours."

"Guys!"

"Well, perhaps there's a reason to extend it somehow," Tiger suggested.

"Guys! The key didn't work!" Rust yelled.

"Yeah, maybe. Probably not though," Lavir wistfully said, because being wistful is somewhat cool, and being cool is somewhat badass.

"Guys! This isn't the Meat Factory. Look!" Rust slapped the other two protagonists and pointed towards the sign of the gay bar. There was no Y. "This is the Meat Factor! So... where's the Meat Factory?"

A guy clutching his privates hobbled past. Lavir pointed to him. "Chase that groin!" he screamed grumpily, as the Super-Trog followed.

Lavir no longer understood what was going on anymore, but the drugs were wearing off at least.

...He still didn't understand what was going on.

And that made him grumpy. He folded his arms and began stomping down the trail. This caused earthquakes with each step because why not.

"Why is the earth rumbling?" Rust asked.

"Because I'm grumpy, and the earth is trying to run away," Lavir said.

"That's so cool!"

"So what are we doing again?"

"KILLING TROGLODYTES!"

Right. That was that. They headed into a compound that was big. The stonework was elaborate, yet simple, and was actually made out of wood for some reason.

"So all I have to do is kill some trogs?"
"Yes."

Lavir grinned. THAT did not make him grumpy. He leaped into a group of them and kicked up a dust cloud so that it would censor what he was doing and so that the author wouldn't have to describe it.

When he was finished, Rust and Tiger were gone, but not very far gone. He could hear Rust screaming something up ahead.

Curiosity had killed many poor cats, but Lavir was not a cat. Although, technically, Tiger was a cat. He felt concern for the (probably) feline, and so Lavir went after the sounds of Rust doing Rust things, trodding on the trog corpses.

It was okay. They would despawn and respawn in about five minutes.

Meanwhile, the King of all troglodytes thundered down the cavern dressed like a hobo.

The plot twist: the King was actually a woman. A female transvestite, actually.

"The pumkip," Tiger said.

"What?"

"The pumkip."

"When did you start liking Mudkips?"

"This isn't working, Rust. We need something else to parody."

"And by parody, you mean just like...get drunk and write whatever?"

"Yeah, parody."

"Well, Corruption's working on a story, but it's not finished."

"That means nothing. Let's go finish it."

"And just to be dicks, let's not tell people the beginning."

They were in a world that was falling apart because a giant sky vagina was sucking up reality with little bits of blood and sperm swirling around inside of it. Rust and Tiger stared at it with a mixture of awe and revulsion for a second before they set foot into the ending of Blood Red Summer part 106.

Tiger, still taken aback by Rust's secret desire for them to engage in rape play (pun intended), shrugged, grabbed Rust, and dived into the books pages, or HTML, or whatever. "D00ds!"

Rust looked at Tiger.

Tiger looked at Rust.

They sighed, deeply. "D00ds, help me fight this lesbian!" C would have argued, except now in their presence she realised that she was a lesbian, even though that completely contradicted the new plot the dynamic duo had also brought with them; her losing her virginity to Zhan Dathka. Or something beginning with a Z, I forget. Whilst Maxwell ironically bumrushed the lesbian, Rust and Tiger escaped, knowing the rainbow prinny would be back, like a plague, like shiny herpes.

"Because I'm worth it," Rust muttered, using a joke already half an hour old and which he hadn't previously been able to execute. They found themselves amidst a gothic city, with hundreds upon hundreds of people that they knew, or knew of, fighting each other. The necromancer Ged Tenshi faded in and out of walls and floors, a mass of blood which couldn't be stopped by sword, arrow, or hammer. Tetrath screamed in rage as he held Silence and Blitzkrieg by the legs, smashing them into each other until they were no more. Ion commanded an army of helicopters and tanks, because Tiger forgot that he had limits.

And in the centre of it, Batman and the Deathknight.

"That isn't what happens!" the author protested, but by this point his vision was gone. Only chaos remained.

"If I took that off, would you die?" Batman asked, pointing to the Deathknight's helmet.

"ITSHWOULD BE ESHTWEMELY PANEFOOL!" he replied. Tiger and Rust had gotten bored at this point, and were throwing clumps of mud at each other.

"You're a big guy," Batman offered. The Deathknight hung his head in shame and walked away.

"What about the vagina!?" the author protested, pulling at his hair. He had survived car crashes, muggings, and sex changes, but he was worried that this might finally defeat him. He laughed, whilst the sky-vagina rippled, and chaos embraced him.

"We are totally going to penetrate that sky vagina with my massive drill," Tiger stated, licking his lips as he said it.

"... Should totally rock-paper-scissors to see who goes first. I don't want your sloppy seconds." Rust cringed. Because, honestly.

Celes was suddenly wondering why on earth or whatever planet this actually was how she thought this was a good idea.

"Alright Tiger, huddle." He pulled a book out of his pocket and Tiger moved so he could read it, too. "So in order to find mechs, or maybe even the Mechs-ican band from before so that we can TTGL the shit out of this is to go to the city of G-" But then Rust was cut off!

"What are you two talking about?" Celes asked.

"Well, you said we needed to TTGL so we're going to go on a Quest in order to-" but then Rust was denied again.

"We don't have time for that!"

Tiger waved her fears off. "Lady, we live in an RPG. We have all the time in the world. And don't worry, we recently got the Parody Quest Guidebook so we can do this quickly. No worries."

"Yeah, it says right here that-" Interrupted again as Celes took the book away from Rust and threw it off to the side.

"Stop screwing around!"

"Stop being such a lesbian."

"I'm not- You two are just- It's-"

"Ha, I made the writer run out of words."

"Also," Tiger began, pulling another book out of Rust's pocket. "Rust buys things in bulk because he doesn't understand the concept of saving money."

"Bah, we'll just kill a few more rabbits outside of town and save up."

"But what are we going to do about the Sky Vagina!?" Celes yelled.

"Psh, this is a Rust post. You can expect the plot to go anywhere."

Cele put a hand to her face and palmed it.

"Okay...look, I'm only sixteen. It's pedophila if you guys touch me."

Tiger shrugged, "I'm British, I think. You're legal here. Probably."

Cele sighed, "You know what? I don't care any more. We're all going to die at this rate, so...fine." She stripped out of her clothes.

"Your boobs are smaller than they looked in your dress." Tiger said finally.

"When are we going to make a giant mecha?" Rust asked.

"...I don't believe you two," Cele sighed, putting her dress back on.

"We can make a mecha out of your boobs!"

"No, Rust, they're not big enough."

"But TTGL is all about combining! So if we combine her boobs with someone who has bigger boobs, then we'll get a giant BOOB!"

And suddenly, a giant boobie - that's the bird - flew into Cele's face.

"YES," Rust crowed, "THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT WE NEEDED."

Tiger dove out of the way of another attacking bird, "This is getting silly! I liked it better when we were robin' people's houses and taking their chests. Treasure chests."

"Enough with the bird puns!" Cele screeched, "You're driving me bat-shit crazy!"

"Wait!" Rust yelled, "I have ANOTHER IDEA! We can use these birds to fly into the giant sky snatch! "

Cele threw up her arms and put them back onto her body when they'd come back down, "Fine, I'm willing to try anything at this point.'