poetry Beccys Poetry [Some Mature Themes] [c&c please]

Hello, I'm Rebecca. Some of you may have already read these poems from before I went on my hiatus/temporarily left neoseeker for almost a year I think.
If not, and you're reading these after recently seeing this post, I apologise for the general awkwardness and clicheness and badness of the majority of these.

They get better...or at least I think they do.

Now, these poems range from themes of family/school to (what I am more recently starting to do) writing fanfiction type poems, that aren't exactly tied to the character(s) I write them about, but they're who I think of.

Enjoy.

=

Shine Brightly
--------------

I step outside into the cold,
hear the noises of my town that never grows old,
the wind blows against my skin,
uncovered by the dress that I'm wearing,
the clouds have covered up the sky,
hiding the moon from my eyes,

And I wish,
for the day,
when the clouds,
no longer stay,
so I can see the moon,
shine brightly,
shine brightly like your smiling face,

My days are cold and sad,
when I cant see your face when its glad,
to see your toothy,cheeky grin,
makes me feel like this is the place I belong in,
just because you hate my guts,
doesn't mean that I'm gonna give up,

and your face shines brightly like the stars above,
just like my heart with your love.

That Girl
---------

Yeah,
you know that girl,
the one that the boys love,
she might be the the prettiest,
but guess what,

I'm pretty sure she has imperfections,
that wont get picked up in the boys inspections,

Yeah,
you know that girl,
the one whos parents are her credit card,
the one that starts the gossip

Her life may seem perfect,
but just you wait and see,
She won't be that different,
from you and me.

Wow, these are awesome beccy!
You did a really good job with the rhyming (something I've never been good at) and the meaning behind these are very clear.
The only thing I would suggest is using more description / descriptive words to express more emotion.
Great job, I would love to read more (:

Goodbye
------

It's one of the hardest words to say
even harder then words that dont exist

It's the hardest word to take
when its said by your:
lover,
best friend,
family,
or just a friend

It stops your heart,in the middle of its beat
like the ground collapsed under your feet
I hate to hear that word...Goodbye

Love=Math
~~~~~~~~~
Girl+Boy=
Crush=Liking=
Flirting+School-
Jealous bitches+
Laughter+Dance+
desks together+
movies=popcorn-
girls who like him=
♥♥LOVE♥♥+Girlfriend=
Heartbroken=like another guy=
Repeat this over and over

A girl whos 16
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A girl
whos 16
with friends
high heels
short shorts
make-up
smile

a girl
whos 16
at home
shes sad
slippers
tracksuit pants
pimples
no expression

a girl
whos 16
on a date
excited
dress and purse
lipstick and eyliner
cheerful

a girl
whos 16
in the bathroom
in the bath
depressed
self-harming
suicidal thoughts
knife in hand
screams echo
knife falls
clatters loudly

mother walks in
screams and cries
calls her daughters friends
tell them the news
no-one can believe
that smiley girl
could do that
no-one can belive
that its true

friends and family
at the funeral
all dressed in black
mascara running
crying
no-one would've guessed
that it was true
until they saw

Got the idea for this one from Tirannaniel's poetry

This is not the real me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is not the real me
Ruining memories
This is not the real me
Trying to write deep unmeanful poetry
This is not the real me
Not making a joke out of everything one could be

This is me
Being everything I could be
This is me
Looking at the world I see
This is me
Being terrified of bees

What is fake?
Make up plastered on like a cake
What is untrue?
Trying to act just like you

You're really good! I especially like the one "A girl whos 16" because it's so true.... so please keep writing?

Dreams
~~~~~~

The place you go to escape it all
Where you can imagine it all
I dream of things that are never gonna be true
and one of them is me and you

I dream of deserted islands and towers
I dream of Hogwarts and the witching hour

Sometimes you remember them
sometimes you won't
but dreams are anything
that'll float your boat

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quote beccyorange28


Got the idea for this one from Tirannaniel's poetry

I'm very glad I could inspire you (: loved the poem!



quote beccyorange28


You hugged me so tightly
Made my heart glow
But
Did you mean it at all

You whispered sweet nothings to me
Tears came to my eyes
Do
You say that to every girl you know

I loved these two stanzas of your recent poem especially, because you can tell they truly came from the heart. I love all your poetry!
The only suggestion I have for your poem 'You' is that in the last stanza you used the word "heart" twice, and I was thinking maybe a different word could be used. It's not necessary, but that's my advice ^.^
Can't wait to read more!