story Posession and Obsession: Entry 06/06/12 (rated t-m)(story)(CC Welcome)

Diary Entry: 03/26/08

"I am down with the sickness." One of my friends proclaims happily, referring to the song by Disturbed, knowing not what he speaks about. Dusty has been a friend of mine for a long time. He knows what I am going through but not the deeper extend of my disease. He once got a glimpse and tucked tail. Fortunately for him it was minor and he never experienced it after, to afraid to delve further into a world that he could never comprehend. Bare with me Constant Reader, it will take me some time to get you caught up.

I am a medium, and have been all my life. I started seeing ghosts at an early time in my life, but I have always been sure that the dead know that I can see them. Most are content to go on in their own form of existence without disturbing me. The few that I have known are actually not that bad for being dead. As a medium not only can I see them, but I hear and understand, and I can take part or all of them into my being. They become a part of me and I like to think of me being a part of them too. I started using it in my elementary school when I stopped being afraid of them and started conversing with them as I would normally. In a Catholic School, it was frowned upon. But then again many of the kids would never even talk to me much less make fun of me to my face. One person did, her name I remember, but there is no reason to place it here. This is my diary, so I don't need to really say. She approached me in the bathroom after a particularly brutal set of words had been exchanged between us. She asked me if I could see any ghost in the bathroom as I had told her before I had. The green lockers beside her were aglow with a white shimmer like smoke that wrapped around the open doors. I smiled and replied that I did in fact. She laughed at me, and pointed her finger at me. She laughed and laughed until one of the locker doors slammed. She jumped away startled, and looked to me in utter revulsion and surprise. She managed one word. Coincidence. The locker room burst into activity, each door slamming open and closed again with fury, until she no longer could deny it, and ran as fast as she could away from there and away from me. To this day she avoids me like the Black Death.

After that my life became easier. No one believed her, but they had a new target for teasing and suddenly my claims did not seem so far fetched. I breezed through that time with nothing more than simply dealing with the haunts at my grandparents and my mother's home. The only troublesome time was at night when I would try to sleep. There were those who were of course not nice. I covered my body from toes to ponytail at night, even in the full of summer, for (a very real) fear that my toenails and fingernails would be ripped out, or that my eyes would catch the interest of one of them and be plucked out. My mum said that even as a baby, she could never leave me alone. I did not sleep in my room but either in hers or on the couch where I was in a distance where my mum could reach me if she heard me screaming. I had nightmares every night from the age that I could remember to the age of thirteen. I still have a lot more to explain, but for now Constant Reader, I think I will sign off.

Thank you for your input KL, I appreciate that and I will definitely try to keep my paragraphs smaller. Some of it is true, some of it is false. Its up to you to decide how much you believe, and discard what you don't.

Before I was even knew that the paranormal forum existed, I was heavy into the rp forum and such. I guess it would be good to dust off a few of the stories I hadn't written in a while.

PS: As a fun contest there are a few song lyrics/referances in each one of my entries, and will continue to be for as long as the diary keeps going.
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April 09, 2009

In April 1994 I lost my great grandpa Joe. He was a wonderful man, of Polish descent, and a very charismatic even at 99 years of age. Three months before he could reach 100, cancer ripped through his body and claimed his life. A barber by trade, he had met quite a few different types of people, was very open and understanding, and had a very interesting voice. I loved listening to it, even though toward the end of his life it sounded like sandpaper compared to how it once was.

In August of that same year I came down with a severe fever. I went downstairs feeling very sick, looking for my mother. When I finally found her, I no longer recognized her, and was frantically looking for her. As the fever progressed to 105 degrees I began babbling, but once it peaked to 106 I switched from babbling to making coherent sentences, talking to someone else in the room. My mum at first thought that my fever had gone down, but realized that it was dangerously high, and went to call the doctor, but never left the room. While on the phone she heard a phrase that frightened her to the point of tears.

"Hi Grandpa Joe" I said casually. Asking questions about death and how he felt, talking as if he had never died. I at one point asked him if I would die, and seemed contented with whatever answer he gave me, then promptly said goodbye to him. My fever went down, but she knew that there had been something besides delirium. She had felt a presence in the room and never forgot it. It was the first time I said goodbye to one of my family members.

I spent most of my childhood living with my grandparents. My grandpa Lambert was very entertaining, telling me stories of the "dirty-rottens" who made things go bad, or singing songs that he would make up on the fly. He talked a lot about Catholic traditions, the bible, politics, and his favorite western books where the good guys always get the girl. My grandma took me shopping, taught me how to cook and socialize. She always was eager to listen, except for when I would try to talk about the things that I had seen.

I slept in what I now call the blue room. It was the perfect size for me, and was right across from my grandparents bedroom but I never felt at peace in that room. I would sit there at night waiting for the shadows to circle my bed, and I tucked my blankets tightly around me like a shield, thinking that if no part of me could be seen, they would just leave me alone. Even then I wished they would be silent. But even the dead have their limits.

One night they got so bad that I screamed and cried until they both woke up. Grandma stormed into the room and I told her that I could see shadows on the walls, and that they would hurt me. She explained it off that we lived near the highway, or that it was probably our cat. I knew my cat's shadows. These were human. These belonged to people that no longer breathed.

Shortly after this happened, I was walking down the hallway to go to the bathroom which is down the same hallway as our rooms. I forgot to turn on the light which is something that I rarely do, even now, and I watched as a shadow passed from my grandparents room and into my room. It turned its head mechanically as it passed, looking at me thought it had no eyes. It communicated a message, though it had no mouth. I understood, but was no less terrified that it had gone into my room. It had faintly feminine features and had a familiar feel. I knew instantly that my grandma's sister had died and that she had come looking for her. I immediately tucked tail and ran.

I managed to maintain my shock from the experience as grandma told me that she was going to have to go to California for her sisters funeral, that she had a blood clot travel up into her heart after just getting out of the hospital. I was 9 when it happened, but I only found out very recently that my great grandmother had also been visited, by the same figure that I had been so terrified by. I never slept in the blue room again.

Sorry guys, my internet was down since I moved. Its back now, so expect more frequent stories.
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May 16, 2008

Even recognizing my alliance with some spirits, I never knew quite what to expect. At that time my eyes were blinded by the prospects of good, neutral, evil, and never the twain should meet. I was Catholic, and that was what was taught…well they sort of taught that everything besides angels was evil, and that consorting with other beings would be a venial sin. Even so, I persisted on with both my pursuit of faith and the spirit denizens that collaborated in my world. I was getting frequent nightmares and still having weird things circle my bed. I had moved out of my mum’s room, to give her a chance at a sort of social life. I slept instead on the couch, and slept with the light on beside me. Every once in a while I would catch my mum trying to turn off the light, and she noticed I had an uncanny awareness tied to that light. Never knowing why, she waited patiently for me to outgrow the phase. She is still waiting.

I started gathering friends, who I was drawn to without a true understanding of why. Most of them were drawn to me even though they hated me. My first was Kelsie. She lived two houses down from me, and was in dancing and ice skating. She had alcoholic parents but her stepfather had moments of pure genius. He was also into black magic. He and I could have conversations that would last hours, and even at a young age I could keep up with him. I was highly book smart and liked science and philosophy, which coupled with his love of art, became a very strong bond. My mum got suspicious when he started asking me to come over and hang out with him when Kelsie was not even around, and she got mad because sometimes we would just hang out and talk about stuff that she had a hard time understanding but the three of us still are in contact with each other. Her stepdad has unfortunately lost most of what he had known, and has memory loss problems due to his drinking but he has left me with gems of wisdom, that have often been incredibly important. He also is one of the people that I confided, and knew that I could see the dead and those that had never lived.

One evening, I asked him a peculiar question. I knew that he had learned black magic in Louisiana, that he personalized and carved Ouija boards, and that he knew more about magic than anyone I had ever known. I asked if he would do a palm reading for me. At first he agreed casually, but then when he looked at my right palm he looked panicked. He did a few seconds of looking. He then took my left hand, and looked, staring along the lines. He shook his head, closed his eyes and closed my palm and said “I don’t want to hurt you.” He refused to talk about it anymore, and refused to tell me what my future is based on my palm. I have asked him three times, and he refuses to read it at all.

Over the time that I have known Kelsie, she has been my best friend and confidant and for years she has been there for me. I was there for her when she found out that she had juvenile diabetes, and she in return has been a life saver for me, literally. The relationship that we have had has been more like sisters than friends. But when we went to middle school and later high school, we sort of drifted away. During that time I found kids that were in my school that later shared my interests and for some, my abilities.
I started going to my hometown’s only roller rink around the age of thirteen. I hung out with a group of kids that were my age and younger. At that time Dusty was a stranger that sometimes hung out with our group and I was going out with a boy. Dusty seemed interested but never really approached me. I hung out with a stocky boy named Tanner, who had a sister Jess in my grade. He was a few years younger, but he caught my attention most when he said that his mum used to go ghost hunting with mine. The thought of my mum in a dark house surrounded by ghosts didn’t surprise me. He even told me after a while that they lived in a haunted house, and that even his parents had seen the ghost of a little boy. I began to tell him about my own experiences, and our relationship superseded the relationship I had with Jess. Soon he became my confidant to replace Kelsie. Lori and Loren soon followed. They were brother and sister, both strong and charismatic personalities.

During that time I gained something that would change my life forever. I found a silver pendant at the behest of a new spirit that I had never seen. She was a brunette, much similar to me in appearance, but about 20 or so instead of 13, and she had a set of green eyes. She stayed a distance away, but made sure I took the pendant and left. I continued to spot her in odd places, but mostly she kept to the shadows, never coming out at night. I wore the pendant religiously, never taking it off for any reason.

Shortly afterward I started blacking out, finding myself in different places, and I didn't know why. I never knew what was going on, but I knew that I felt drained, like I had just finished running 20 miles. I felt a strong desire to fill up on carbohydrates, and my dietary needs began to change. Me and my family just chalked it up to puberty, but I know now that it was the beginning of my abilities awakening.

I should have chosen a different place. My mind was made up by the time I left the Abbey. First I will let you know what happened there. The Abbey has a dark history, that I should have researched long before going. I will tell you what I experienced and then you can decide for sure what to make of it.

When I arrived at the St. Johns, I received a very warm welcome. As knowledgeable as I was about church dogma, and scripture, I found my knowledge to be tested and I loved it. the people were so much more open to the church than I had ever or probably will ever see again in my life. Much more of a desire to learn, and an even more powerful desire to apply it to daily life. I was in heaven! After all this time of searching I had though I had finally found what I wanted. People my age, accepting the word of God... it was unheard of in my town, despite the fact that my religious education class was 20 or 30 strong.

We toured St. Johns, looking at all of the history and the wonderful architecture that was present, and I wondered if this was a sign, not to give up on my faith. To only be patient and God would show me his protection and love. It doesn't go to say that he didn't, or that he was just pissing down my back...I am just saying that things didn't work out the way that I had intended, and one path that my life could have taken was shut forever.

So, as the doors to the main Abbey itself opened I could feel an odd presence that was not necessarily malevolent but not good either. The Abbey has a crack down the foundation, leading all the way up to the alter. I passed it off as awe for the amazing quality and craftsmanship of the building. Where the holy water font is, there was a statue of St. John the Baptist, the patron saint from which the Abbey takes its name. It was a gruesome statue, sort of foreboding, it was long and inhumanly slender and empty sockets where there should have been eyes. Cast in black metal it was intimidating. I realized however that I recognized its basic form. I had seen spirits like this whom I called Tallwalkers. They hung around in a few locations in my hometown. I didn't know what their nature was at the time, but they also appeared along the highway, and would dart out at cars sometimes. After the tour I heard a few sighs of relief. The Abbey was huge and beautiful, but it was also very unnerving.

After the tour, we got set up with our roommates, and were sorted out into our rooms. We were all situated in the boys dormitory, and separated by a floor. I was given a room with a mouse of a girl from Alaska. She was happy to be there, and we got along just fine. Over the next day, we met people, teachers, other students. We went to mini-college classes. We were given theology books to study from and a wide range of homework to ponder while we were there. At night they arranged activities like campfires, icebreakers, and other things that kept us busy. We had church three days out of the week. One of my teachers was a monk, who had some very interesting experiences to share. He taught us meditation, respect for other religions and when he was not busy, he taught us theology. He was a man that I still have a tremendous respect for even today. We didn't have much time to be homesick, and I didn't have much time to worry about what was lurking. Five nights into the two week program I woke up to my roommate's screeching. I had never heard such a strange noise in my life. I wondered why she was doing it, until I looked in front of me. There was a black shape, obviously masculine and definitely malevolent. I don't remember who raced in or turned on the light, but in the morning my roommate was gone, and I was sleeping in the dark alone. Joy.

The rest of the week went by uneventfully, but then the next week I had a world of fun. I wish you could hear the sarcasm in my voice, but oh well. The elevator in our neck of the hall was nicknamed the Bloody Deathbox. For some reason, as if claustrophobia wasn't an issue in the four person elevator, the geniuses decided to paint the walls a crimson color that made things all the worse. Things tended to rattle on the way up, and most students were by now talking about the entire place as a creep show. We even had a song about how scary the Abbey was, and we would often sing it at gatherings and outings. Back on the subject of the Deathbox, people other than me started seeing some very strange things in the elevator. Either wisps that would come and go, or a silhouette of a woman on the walls, when no one else was present. Ghost stories were even told by the more bold of the students. Some of them were even true. On one outing, many of the students complained that along the other side of the river, they could see a bear, and they got scared and didn't want to walk by the area. When I walked by the area, I always saw a monk, solemnly walking his path, eyes staring intently on his path. Needless to say that the monk was very much not of the material plane. So later as I bid goodbye to the Abbey, I found myself releasing the ties that held me to the Church. I took some fond memories with me, but I realized that if I was going to protect myself, I would have to find a belief system that would not condemn me for what I saw.

As for the spirits that I saw there at the Abbey, I should tell you what I have now found out. When the new Abbey was built, a monk committed suicide by hanging himself from the rafters. Since then there has been a crack in the foundation. Some still see him, repeating his actions throughout his afterlife. The man in front of the bed was believed to be a student, though I have found no research to support this. The monk by the river was said to have been attacked by the bear. The bear and the monk are occasionally seen along the river where the attack was to have taken place. The spirit in the Bloody Deathbox was not found in any of the sources I looked through. You are welcome to research yourself, but I wouldn't advise calling the Abbey itself. They tend not to talk about it.

My decision was a quiet one, and I continued to infrequently go to church until I could find the right belief system that would be accepting of my sight. I continued hanging out at the GF, and began going out with John. Dusty also showed an interest in going out with me, as did Mike. John however was one of the few that really accepted my gift, and for that I will be eternally grateful. Sion would never directly contact me as in verbal speech, but she still did talk through spirit writing, and she still possessed me. I began to black out for hours at a time, and money would be missing. My eyes slowly started to turn greener than they had been, from a brownish hazel. Her hold on me became more cemented, and she became more powerful.

It's honestly quite good, but, that's in part to the amount of writing there is. I generally like stories that have long segments or parts like this, because you get more and more for your time.

I also like the style that you use to write with. It's moving along well, but you're giving us everything we need to know and describing everything well.

This is not bad at all, not bad at all.

Are you actually gonna finish this one? Its good to see you write a non-fiction for once.

He did not die, his scar, like mine was shallow, but it bled badly. He moved away, and i have not heard from him in years.
I allow people to decide for themselves what they want to believe or not.

04/05/11

Dear Constant Reader, I suppose I should explain how the spirit world works, as according to what I have percieved during my time as a spirit hunter, student and medium. The experience of seeing a spirit is never one that I have gone into too much detail on. This is largely because even in the same ghost or spirit is never ever the same.

People often ask what is the difference between a ghost and a spirit. The simplest answer is that a ghost has lived in one form or another on this earth, it may be built up energy trapped in one location, looped in time indefinitely, as in residual hauntings, having no control over it's manifestation, or surroundings. The other is an intelligent
which is able to interact with the mortal world. Often they can communicate through radio waves, phone lines (which has happened to me), and video. Temperature and electromagnetic waves have been noted to correlate with audio interference in the form of disembodied voices and have led paranormal theorists to determine that they can be affected, though these tests are often dismissed as inconclusive or labeled as equipment failure by skeptics, personal experiences are the best indicator of when a haunting is occurring. Thermal is affected by ghosts in hot or cold spots that do not come from any known draft, and are centralized in an area that is unexplainably chilled or hot. Electromagnetic fields are affected by ghosts who drain the energy from their surroundings in order to manifest or make their presence known. This could explain the feeling that people get when they sense a ghost first hand. Goosebumps, the hair on the back of the neck standing up, a feeling of paranoia, or a feeling of impending doom, a feeling of being watched. All of these indicate mild EMF poisoning. Buildings with no power should register a 0.0 on the emf scale, and a base reading in every room should be taken during an investigation if it is not. Usual readings range from 1.0 to 5.0 but electrical wiring, appliances, and fuse boxes are the greatest source of explainable emf, and can range from the 10.0 to causing an error in the detector at 299.0. Emf cages or so called fear cages can be mistaken as ghosts due to the symptoms of emf poisoning. Spikes due to paranormal activity are usually in the range of 20.0 and up, and the higher the emf, the better the chance of activity. People should not stay in high emf areas for more than an hour, since prolonged exposure could be hazardous. Either way, ghosts have a low probability of causing physical harm or illness unless extremely powerful, or unless invited (a disadvantage of provoking ghosts). shadow people often fall into this category.

Spirits unlike ghosts have never lived, they consist of entities such as animal spirits which take the form needed to protect itself or its animal totem (for an example, research Jodie the pig demon that tormented the Lutz' family), they also include windego, most kami, and are often confused with Demons. This is partially due to a language error. Daemons were considered guardian spirits in early spiritual study, but with the advent of Christianity the word was changed to demon to solidify the Churches position that made ghosts out to be evil, and contact with them worthy of excommunication. The truth is that most spirits have a personal adgenda, indicating that even without a brain (let alone a body) a spirit retains memories, aspirations and goals. It's an interesting thought once pondered. They are more likely to be physically interactive like scratches, bruises, manifesting in view of a camera, or answering questions during an evp or k2 session. The only thing is that some spirits can masquerade as demons to gain power so provoking a classified spirit is not smart. They also are not necessarily bound to one place and can frighten or influence investigators long after an investigation is done.

Demons/ Angels are entities of evil or pure intent, they serve powerful elemental primal forces that have had a direct affect on our lives wether religious, spiritual or atheist. It's not about god or the devil, or anything that crazy, the title angel or demon conveys the idea of the intent of the entity, a demon may not mention a battle with heaven or a personal vendetta against the Throne,
but most demons seem to manifest to collect souls,
cause suffering or to advance in power. Angelic manifestations usually are part of a special or holy event taking place or a chance meeting of fate, there are no known cases of angelic hauntings, and angelic possessions are rare, as is communication between mortals and angels have become rare.

As for the gods themselves.... Well we will all find out eventually, right?