hmm... They seem to be slightly more like descriptive passages that poetry

Try to remove some plot. Plotted poems are usually incredibly long, an example being the Iliad or the Oddysey (sp?)

But that's just my opinion.

quote Lylodile

Haha Paramore. Dajay is an emo girl

I liked them, keep writing,
but I agree, you could reduce plot.

Wow dude 2 replies, thats 1 more than me XD nice one. I'm considering posting the 2nd poem, yep, it's finally done!

Dunno if its wqorth it as the last one got just 1 reply, and i even added it to my sig It's nice to know what people think of your poetry.

Thanks for the replies everyone. I aim to have a few more up by the end of the week. Also I plan to make them different to the previous two.

I'm still trying to perfect happy poems, but debbie is down in 2 weeks on thurs (YAY!)so should be writing some then

Keep 'em coming dude.

This one is short, I wanted something with more flow and to sway away from love. I may edit this one later on, this is it so far.



My Light

It started with a sparkle of light
Energy is being fed into it by night
I am filled with burning desire to never lose the fight
Sometimes I am that overconfident I always think I’m in the right

I don't like rhyme.

XD

Try find out the meaning of it, bare in mind those who know me are at an advantage.

One interperetation of your last poem, My Light, could have multiple meanings.

1. The Devil is born in heaven, (a sparkle of light)
He is feed by evil, which is often personified by night.
You are fighting the evil in yourself, and don't want to lose.
You think you are right and he is wrong, but are overconfident, and could be wrong.

2. You are born. (sparkle of light)
You like the night, and find yourself more awake at dark hours
You don't like to lose
And think that you know everything.

3. The world is given birth (sparkle of light)
The world is filled with evil men. (night)
Human nature does not like to lose
We always think that we are right, but sometimes can be overconfident.


There are other interpretations, and if I knew you, I would probably have a better guess at what you meant with the poem.

Thus is the beauty of language.

quote tom111

My Light

It started with a sparkle of light
Energy is being fed into it by night
I am filled with burning desire to never lose the fight
Sometimes I am that overconfident I always think I’m in the right

The poem is about my desire to succeed in life.


It started with a sparkle of light
Energy is being fed into it by night
I am filled with burning desire to never lose the fight
Sometimes I am that overconfident I always think I’m in the right


Line one: My ambition started small
Line two: My ambition grew
Line three: My ambition causes me to never back down and succeed.
Line four: My high ambition can sometimes make me to over confident.


Edit - Shane we should get Sophie to make an account and post her poems up, she has 100s.

Yeah, I've read some, not reading all lol too many, and too much rhyme.

Could be cool, she'd have a big thread on here. You read her most recent?

Also, I forgot what I was gonna say. So nevermind.

I was looking too deep for hidden meanings when analysing your poems Let me know when you are both out, we'll hang just us 3

I just read over it and realised the whole rhyme thing is a bit tacky and over used. I still like what the poem represents though.

New poem, also, phree bumpz.