Yay for the story being able to continue properly again, and as always I love it

Lol like the sig FlippyX

Oh my god zoo zom i am so sorry! I give you cookies and chocolate as compensation.

Thanks for the response FlippyX it's really appreciated. So what kind of decription do you mean? Like describe the surroundings and such? Or the sort of feelings or emotions? I'd like to hear your thoughts cuz I'm always looking for more ways to improve my writing

Yeah, surroundings and the physical environment in which the characters find themselves. I think your writing is perhaps weighted more towards the speech and interaction between the characters and their thoughts and feelings, rather than their actions, senses, etc. But, I add, you do pull this aspect off flawlessly :D

Maybe it's just my personal taste, because you are including description in your writing (for example, I love your personification of the Dragon's Eye in your first post), but I'd love to see even more ^^

Ok i get you. The surroundings and stuff. I have been looking back through my work and i get what you mean. I'll try my best to improve

As Rimmer said in the comedy Red Dwarf,

quote Rimmer

'Better than sex'

quote zoo zom

lolololol I am a............girl

Kill you for having an opinion? Tempting, very tempting.

Nah I'm not that stupid. If you think something needs improvement or can be changed then tell me cuz thats why i said comments and criticism are welcome. I didnt just put my story on this thread to see if people like it, I put it on so i could improve my writing. People you've never met are more likely to criticize cuz they dont know you and they dont owe you anything. Friends just say 'yeah its the best' just to keep you happy I will still be your friend for stating your opinion ok?

Lol better than sex, didnt know it was that good

Ladies and gentlemen i give you the next part of StoleN! Enjoy!

Stealing gives you a thrill, a feeling of excitement and adventure. It’s pure ecstasy. That’s why Alex stole. For the thrill. But now she had a real reason to steal. She had Tommy.
Alex stumbled into the apartment, not quite able to keep her balance.
‘Alex? What’s wrong with you?’ Nicky emerged from her bedroom, looking sharp in a long black skirt with slits that ran all the way up the sides, revealing her beautiful tanned legs. She wore black stilettos and a purple top that exposed her stomach and had sleeves that hung on her arms, showing off her rounded shoulders. Her thick brown hair was out, nearly reaching her waist. Stolen diamond earrings hung from her ears and a matching diamond necklace was around her neck. Peach colored lipstick, blue eye shadow and mascara completed the picture.
‘What are you dressed up for?’ Alex sniggered. ‘The mascara is a bit much; you have too dark eyelashes already. Whoever you’re seeing will think you over do your make-up.’
Nicky went over to Alex, grabbing her shoulders to stop her from toppling over.
‘Have you been drinking?’ Nicky asked disapprovingly, leading her to the table next to the kitchen and sitting her down in one of its four chairs.
‘What gave it away?’ Alex laughed, nearly falling of it.
‘Your breath,’ she replied disgustedly, holding her at arms length. ‘You need to get ready Alex, we’re meeting Jase and Seth soon. You go get a shower and most definitely brush your teeth.’ Nicky grimaced before continuing. ‘I’ll mix you one of my hangover shakes. I’ll make sure it’s extra strong.’
Alex staggered into the bathroom, nearly crashing into the sink as she did so. She turned on the light and groaned as it reflected off the white tiles that covered the walls.
‘Whoever designed this place wanted to blind the inhabitants,’ she grumbled, staring at herself in the small mirror above the sink. What she saw wasn’t pretty. Grey bags under her eyes made her look extremely tired and her cheeks were red and blotchy. No wonder Nicky had been so worried. She turned to the shower, turning the taps on and making the water nice and hot. The water pounded into her skull, giving her a huge headache. The crystallized glass of the shower wasn’t helping either. She came out of the bathroom a few minutes later with a towel wrapped around her head, another around her shoulders. She felt a bit more in control of her movements now and didn’t stumble into any of the furniture that was tightly packed into the small apartment. They had chosen this apartment because the rent didn’t cost a lot and didn’t stand out. Plus it had access to the roof via a stairway just outside their door. People would be suspicious if two hairdressers were living in the most expensive place they could think of wouldn’t they? The things they had to do to stay off the radar. The only thing they had changed about the apartment when they moved in was painting all the walls a pale cream colour and getting dark blue carpet for the bedrooms, living room and dining room. The kitchen already had nice vinyl and the bathroom was tiled so no changes needed there.
‘Feeling better?’ Nicky asked, walking out of the kitchen and handing her the shake. The mixer was out on the bench and so was the egg container. What the ingredients were Alex didn’t exactly know, and she had a feeling she didn’t want to find out. The eggs were bad enough. She took a sip, screwing up her face at the extremely bitter taste. She forced herself to drink all of it as she sat down on the fading blue couch, putting her feet up on the coffee table.
‘Why were you drinking Alex? What happened?’ Nicky asked, sitting in the armchair opposite her. Besides that there was only the TV in the square they called the living room. The kitchen table was technically in the living room as well but they had split the room and made one side the living room and the other the dining room.
‘It’s Tommy,’ Alex sighed, setting down the empty glass on the coffee table. ‘They’ve found something that could help him breathe. Give him a normal life.’
‘Well that’s great!’ Nicky exclaimed, leaning forward in excitement. ‘Why would you be drinking over that? Other than to celebrate of course, but I don’t think that’s why you did.’
‘I have to come up with three hundred and fifty thousand dollars in a fortnight to pay for the operation.’
‘Oh.’ Nicky fell silent and slumped back in her chair, not sure what she could say.
‘Yeah, that’s how bad it is.’ Alex sighed again and stood up. ‘Anyway I better get dressed.’
She entered her room, another small square of existence. It contained her only possessions. A double bed with a dark red blanket, a wooden wardrobe and a bedside table with the things most valuable things in the world to her sitting on it. Two picture frames one containing a picture of Tommy, the other her father. She looked at these fondly for a moment before turning to the wardrobe.
Alex emerged from her room fifteen minutes later, dressed to offend. Black jeans with chains strung across the front and matching combat boots. A white tube top was covered by a black leather jacket and she had put on her old skull necklace. Her hair was down, black eye shadow and mascara had been added to her eyes and her lips had been colored blood red.
‘Are you ever going to wear bright colorful clothes again?’ Nicky asked, collecting their bags.
‘Are you?’ Alex retorted, smirking. She already knew the answer. They had always been the dark angel sort of girls. Alex accepted her bag, Nicky noticing the black fingerless gloves and black nails as she did so. She shook her head and smiled. That was Alex, always going that extra mile.
‘What are you grinning at? Come on we need to go.’


Is this what you had in mind FippyX?

This message was edited by Amber_jade on Nov 29 2007.

I can see you tried to set the scene more this time with greater detail and it's great I believe that is more towards what flippyX had in mind

Yeah, I agree with Dark Arcanie. You defintitly did. Really good. And:

quote Amber_jade

Her thick brown hair was out, nearly reaching her waist.

Yes, definitely :D
Great stuff, keep it up :)

Quite a dilemma our characters have found themselves in :O

Lol i finally got to the point of the story. I write way too much

If you want to be the author of great novels you have to know how to write too much

Hey guys and gals I've been feeling creative lately and been writing a whole heap! So here you go

They met Jase and Seth at the all night café they had first got together at. From there they were taken to an apartment building, a warehouse built next to it. The apartments were quite dingy looking, graffiti all over it and the fire escapes so rusted you wouldn’t know what their original colour was. The warehouse was even worse. Drab and grey it was falling apart from the seams. There were even holes in the roof. Seth explained that they used the apartments for offices and such and the warehouse was where all the technical and selling magic happened.
‘How can any work be done in a hole like this?’ Nicky exclaimed, staring around the street disgustedly. They were standing on the sidewalk on the opposite side of the street from the apartments and had been surprised at the top-secret location of the guild. Rubbish and graffiti were the streets main features; pot holes and cracks being another. There was even a hobo sitting in a doorway, holding a paper bag that concealed alcohol. What a pretty sight the place was.
‘You know what Nicky, I think you’ve become soft since coming out of the joint,’ Alex teased, deflecting the fist her friend attempted to hit her with.
‘Never teach someone how to defend themselves when you plan to hurt them from time to time,’ Nicky grumbled. ‘And I haven’t gone soft.’
‘This is just a cover up to keep away the pigs. Most people think this place is abandoned or the owner has given up on it. You’ll be amazed at what it’s like inside,’ Seth assured them, walking over the road. The others followed, walking up the steps that led to the door. It had definitely seen better days. The paint was nearly non-existent, the weather obviously taking its toll. The lock looked old and rusted, the doorknob covered in dirt and grime. The thing that disgusted Nicky the most was what appeared to be urine stains all along the bottom. She suppressed a shudder while Seth retrieved a very new key from a front pocket and slid it with ease into the lock. The girls were surprised when the key twisted with ease, not getting stuck or anything.
‘Welcome to your second home,’ Jase said grandly, pushing open the door.
Now the biggest surprise was revealed.

And another one for you

Dark wooden floors ran up the hall, the walls painted a pleasant golden yellow. A crystal chandelier hung from the ceiling, emitting a soft white light that reflected charmingly off the crystals, hypnotizing the female on-lookers. It happened to all new members of the league.
‘It’s spectacular isn’t it?’ Jase whispered to Alex, also gazing at the chandelier. ‘It was stolen from an old castle in England. Some dead king used to own it. I don’t think he’ll miss it though.’
Seth led them up a hall, passing a couple of wooden oak doors as he did. The hall opened up to a large room that had deep red carpets, still the same gold yellow walls. Stainless steel elevator doors were on the left side of the room while a dark oak desk stood to the right, a pretty blonde receptionist sitting behind it. A single filing cabinet stood in the corner behind her while a leafy green tree like plant stood in the other. A black leather couch stood against the far wall.
‘Good evening Mr. Michaels and Mr. Tamill. I take it these are Miss Lakes and Miss Harper?’ The receptionist asked politely, looking them up and down. She seemed to approve of Nicky while Alex received a pained grimace. She hid it behind a too friendly smile.
‘Yeah Sharon these are Alex and Nicky. Do they need guest passes or has something been arranged?’ Seth asked, sitting on the couch’s arm. Sharon, that seeming to be her name, checked her computer for a moment. Besides the computer only a lamp and a container of pens cluttered her desk. Obviously paper work wasn’t a big issue in this line of work.
‘No your father has told me to send you up right away,’ she said, turning back to them, showing another one of her fake smiles. Alex decided she didn’t like the receptionist and, from the look on Nicky’s face, either did she.
‘Ok ladies, time to go up,’ Jase said cheerfully, pushing the up arrow for the elevator. The doors clanged open and they stepped inside. The elevator had olive green walls with a golden vine like design threading its way through the paint. A wooden hand railing jutted out from the wall at waist height and pleasant elevator music was playing.
‘You know I think this place could be done up a bit, make it more fancy and posh looking,’ Alex said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. Seth laughed.
‘Hey I’m supposed to be the sarcastic one in the group,’ he pointed out jokingly. ‘But you’re right it is a bit much. That’s my father always over doing himself to intimidate and impress.’
‘I really hate elevator music,’ Nicky muttered grumpily. ‘It’s always contradicts your feelings.’
‘Like how we feel all nervous and there’s this bouncy happy music playing?’ Alex asked.
‘Exactly,’ Nicky said, just as the doors clanged open. A corridor exactly like the one downstairs, minus a grand chandelier, was behind the doors, a dozen picture frames lining the walls. As they walked down the hall Alex recognized the people occupying the frames.
‘Vincenzo Peruggia, the man who stole the Mona Lisa!’ she exclaimed, looking at the dark haired man with a large moustache. ‘He just hid it beneath his coat and walked out of the art gallery.’
‘Abigail Maddock,’ Nicky said admiringly, at the next picture. She was and extremely beautiful woman with blonde hair and icy blue eyes. ‘She flirted her way into the Royal Court and stole the king’s crown. People say she also charmed her way into the king’s bed.’
‘Mathieu Rowle, the French man who stole one of the world’s largest diamonds. Got caught because the jewel weighed so much and broke through the bag he was concealing it in,’ Alex and Nicky laughed at this. These people were famous for stealing such valuable items, but the thing they all had in common was that they were caught. Caught with the Mona Lisa, caught with the King’s crown and caught with one of the largest diamonds in the world. Hopefully this never happened to them.
As they wandered further down the corridor they found that they didn’t recognize the people in the frames.
‘The ones that didn’t get caught,’ Jase told them, staring at the thieves with great respect. ‘Let’s hope our careers are as good as theirs eh?’
They came to the end of the corridor. Alex and Nicky couldn’t help but gape at the double doors in front of them. About eight feet high, it dwarfed them, but that wasn’t why they’re mouths were hanging open. The door was a dark blue colour with all sorts of animals and plants painted on in gold. They all seemed to intertwine, making it impossible to tell where one thing began or ended. You could stare at it for hours just trying to figure out how much flora and fauna was on the doors.
‘Don’t look at it for too long or else you’ll never look away,’ Jase said, knocking on the door. Someone called for them to come in. Jase opened the door. The girls stepped forward, looking back when the boys didn’t do the same.
‘We can’t go in with you. Something to do with privacy and special negotiations and such,’ Seth waved his hand dismissively, as though it didn’t really matter anyway. It actually didn’t because every person who entered that room ended up telling everybody what had happened. Bragging was a major part in the stealing world.
‘I’ll come back for you when it’s over. Enjoy,’ Seth ushered them in, calling to his father, ’here they are boss, Alex Lakes and Nicky Harper.’
The doors slammed shut behind them and Alex couldn’t help but feel like nothing but trouble was going to come out of this. It was only after stealing the Dragon’s Eye that she fully realized what she could have avoided by flinging open those doors and running as far away as she could.

quote Amber_jade

Mathieu Rowle, the French man who stole one of the world’s largest diamonds. Got caught because the jewel weighed so much and broke through the bag he was concealing it in