[fanfic] shadow wyvern slayer: it's all about trust

hi everyone this is my first ever fanfic i know it may be rubbish you can say it all you like,i will continue it and make it better but this is it so far,

chapter 1
blind as bat

Shadow had just embarked on a quest to kill a rathalos, one had been terrorizing a local village and they sent an explorer out in search of a hunter to kill the beast, shadow had accepted the job, apparently the rathalos had fled to the forest and hills,
Shadow grabbed his raven blade and his garuga armor and packed some whetstones a bbq spit some herbs and potions and set off for the forest and hills, when he got there he found a nearby tree and climbed and waited for the rathalos there. It was 10 maybe 15 minutes before the rathalos showed up, shadow could see a few scars on it's face from maybe lance attacks seems the village guards might have tried to kill it themselves, shadow thought oh well makes my job easier, he looked at the rathalos it seemed like an elder one, shadow jumped out from the tree in front of the rathalos and pulled out his sword and thrust it into it's leg. But it didn't even flinch it just knocked him away with it's tail and let out a mighty roar, shadow stood up and quickly blocked a incoming fire ball which knocked him back, shadow ran up to the rathalos and he stuck his sword into it's left ear, causing it to rear in pain it then turned around and before shadow could react it bit on to his arm picked him up and threw him into the mountain wall, shadow hit the wall and fell to the floor. He had dropped his sword under the rathalos and his shield was crushed in, shadow got up and ran towards the rathalos it tried to bite him but he rolled under it's legs and grabbed his sword, when the rathalos turned around shadow slashed his sword right across it's face causing a serious wound and blood flew out of the deep cut. The rathalos then charged at shadow but he rolled but the rathalos turned round and charged again this time shadow jumped but his left leg was trampled by the rathalos. the rathalos then walked over to him and leant down to devour him when shadow quickly stuck his sword through it's throat causing it to rear up he then quickly crawled round to it's leg slicing it's leg causing it to trip he then pulled him self up and stuck his sword through it's eye then he thrust it through the throat again killing it. He then collapsed in exhaustion, and used a flute to call felyne's to pick him up, and carve the rathalos,




This message was edited by broken sheild on Jun 09 2007.

ok by the way is it any good for my first fanfic,oh and how do i change title want to write fanfic on title i forgot,

Yeah dont just go straight into the Fight... and dont say all the detail... e.g. he accepted the quest, he climbed a tree etc nd be more descriptive... i know theyre kinda the same thing, but use like similes, metaphors, senses.... and use sentances! it just is all linked it like 4 sentences, and its really boring.. no offence... and dont say shadow so much... you can use 'he'... and this is all 'constructive criticism'

quote Slangster

Yeah dont just go straight into the Fight... and dont say all the detail... e.g. he accepted the quest, he climbed a tree etc nd be more descriptive... i know theyre kinda the same thing, but use like similes, metaphors, senses.... and use sentances!

Are you mutating into my teacher? She keeps telling us to do that, darn it...

Lol. You dont need 2 talk about english in forum, just add you need better VCOP (Vocab, centences I think this one is, Openings, and Punctuation).

I know what C is its just so annoying its too hard 2 think about it... hmmm...

Conclusions, prehaps?

Well there is the alternaltive - verbs, (something), opennigs whatever, and paragraphs. grrr why cant I remember what VCOP is??? Ok it might spring back into my mind on tuesday. btw I made a fanfic need sum1 to reply...

wat u mean?