Joke Thread - Page 27

quote Teadrinker

how did i miss that lol


"i tried changing my msn password to my penis. an error occured, it said your password is to long"

Really? When I tried to do that it said my password was too short.

If I had a rooster, and you had a donkey, and your donkey ate my roosters legs, what would you get?

quote

two feet of my cock in your ass

is that too explicit?

why is it better to have a nightmare than a dream?

because the one man who had a dream got shot!
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a blonde was really down on her luck and she had seen in movies that kidnapping children for ransom paid a lot of money, so she went to the park and picked a child at random and took him home. she wrote a note that said:
'if you ever want to see your son again, leave 10000 dollars at the foot of the old oak tree in the park. signed, a blonde'
and sent the kid on his way home.
sure enough the next day there was a bag with the money at the park with a note on it that said 'how could you do this to a fellow blonde?'
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When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more. When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where. More stress. Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys. So, frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink. In his frustration he accidentally dropped the cider pot, and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom. Just then the doorbell rang, and irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?' And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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a blonde, brunette, and a redhead were ontop of a burning building. when the firemen pulled out the tarp they told the brunette to jump and they'd catch her. she jumped and they moved the tarp so she fell and splattered on the ground. then they told the redhead to jump and said that they didn't like the brunette so she's safe. she jumps and they repeat the moving of the tarp and she dies. they tell the blonde to jump and she yells back, 'No way! i saw what you did to my friends and i don't trust you! set the tarp down and back away slowly...'
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dinosaurs are extinct because chuck norris killed them all.
chuck norris went to greece. nine months later 300 spartans were born.
chuck norris is so fast he can run around the world and kick himself in the ass.
chuck norris is so strong when he does a push up, hes really pushing the world down.
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why don't dinosaurs talk?

because they're all dead.

not the best i know but i'm tired right now....

Give me a pack of condoms.
- What size?
- I do not know...
- Well, take this board with holes, and go to the toilet and measure.
In 10 minutes the man comes back:
- I have changed my mind, I don't need the condoms. How much is this board?

Considerably racist, be warned. My roommate came up with it.

Why is there cotton on top of pills in pill bottles?

quote

To remind blacks that they picked cotton before they sold drugs.

<sub>A hillbilly was having sex with his sister. She says "You *bleep* just like Daddy."

He replies "I know. That's what Momma said."</sub>

There were three women, all called jean.. Jean Jean and Jean. They try and get into a club. The bouncer says ''sorry ladies....... no trainers''