Happy 4th of July

Let me share a story with you fellow patriots

A liberal muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist.

”Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!”

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

”How old is this rock, pinhead?”

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied, “4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian!”

”Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now!”

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears. He wished so much that he had a gun to shoot himself from embarrassment, but he himself had petitioned against them! The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named “Small Government” flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Remember kids you had a 1/20 chance of being born in glorious America, which means 19/20 kids lost the lottery and live in Asia or Yurop (aka losers). Be proud!

Land of the free 420 xd

Why does the History channel insist on showing American history today? We were total dicks in the revolution.

Actually, we've only scaled back our dickishness

Happy 4th of July/Indepence Day everyone.

Guess what movie will be shown on TV tonight I'll be going to watch?

I even adjusted my avatar for the occasion, and I messed it up

And where's my red bold text saying Happy Independence Day Everyone!, huh mods?

I can't wait to spend this evening trying to sleep while a bunch of ignorant rednecks and xenopohobes listen to disproportionately loud country music and celebrate the infallibility and perfection of both the ground they were accidentally born on through no control of their own, and the small group of people that control its day-to-day operation(and totally isn't corrupt to the core thanks to legalized bribe- I mean, lobbying), not to mention the great and amazingly perfect history of taking a third of the continent from other people and fighting a civil war over whether the institutionalized buying and selling of human beings as property is a good thing.

Also, most counties in Arkansas, including the one I'm in, have a fire ban in place on, predictably enough, sources of fire(not grills, as banning grills would incite an armed rebellion), so the use of fireworks is banned, but not the purchase of them. AMERICA!

Woohoo happy blow shit up and see how wasted you get before you accidentally blow of your friends face!

Happy 4 of July, my nerds! Gonna celebrate the only way I know how -- video games and cynicism.