re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c - Page 19 - Thinker's Lounge

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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 23, 12 at 8:42am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Log in to remove this sponsored message quote not logged in The problem with relationships is that people seem to be so set on this concept of making it last for a millenia. Keeping the fire alive forever. You name it. This, sadly, goes against how love works chemically. Ever wonder why the divorce rate is 50%? Divorce rates are near 50% because we live in a time when things are easier to throw away than to just fix. But given your attitude of them, its probably better you don't have actual sex cause you don't need to be reproducing.
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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 24, 12 at 5:38pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote not logged in quote Lego Master quote not logged in The problem with relationships is that people seem to be so set on this concept of making it last for a millenia. Keeping the fire alive forever. You name it. This, sadly, goes against how love works chemically. Ever wonder why the divorce rate is 50%? Divorce rates are near 50% because we live in a time when things are easier to throw away than to just fix. But given your attitude of them, its probably better you don't have actual sex cause you don't need to be reproducing. I'm just laughing @ forever. You won't be with her forever. In the near future, in about 50 years, you two will both be skeletal, decaying fragments buried 6 feet under with no absolutely no connection towards one another. I hope me and my woman are capable of being alive at 70 years old.
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NegativeEnergy Conf. Finals Boston - 3; Miami - 2 Resident Neo total posts: 2957 since: Jun 2007	Apr 25, 12 at 5:25am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	I am interested in this girl in my sociology class. She sits across the classroom from me and me, her, and three others got paired up for a project at a mall (basically, our objective was to find social norms, folkways, mores, symbolic interactions etc in the mall). Anyways last Tuesday, three of our partners weren't able to show up to the mall so it was only me and her. We both agreed to stay for like only twenty five minutes and that we shouldn't stay for the full hour since we don't have all of our partners. Instead, we ended up talking about a range of subjects not having to do with the project for about a good 45 minutes. Around twenty minutes more than the projected time me and her agreed to stay. When we essentially ran out of things to talk about, we both agreed that it was time to part ways. But right before we parted ways, I asked for her Facebook and she willingly wrote down her full name on my notebook. Again, this was about a week ago. So my question is how do I let her know that I am interested in her? I was thinking along the lines of messaging her on facebook and telling her something like, "hey we should hang out sometime soon. you seem to be a very nice person," something to that vicinity. Is this the right way to approach this or should I approach this in a different way? Any suggestions would be extremely helpful. ------------------- It's All About 18
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Bri Seeketh Maximus total posts: 5935 since: Jul 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 10:51am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	NegativeEnergy It seems that you two hit it off and you seem to be interested in going further. Good work. Problem...you didn't get her phone #. I think that would have been the logical next step. FB can be quite spotty if she's like me in that I don't often reply to messages/requests...it sometimes takes me a week to get to some of them...and you really can't afford to have things cool off, or else you're destined for the dreaded friend zone. What's done is done though - request her and ask her out asap. Make it clear you want to get to know her better, and don't use the class as an excuse. On the plus side, getting FB first avoids the whole "taken or not?" debacle. quote not logged in I'm just laughing @ forever. You won't be with her forever. In the near future, in about 50 years, you two will both be skeletal, decaying fragments buried 6 feet under with no absolutely no connection towards one another. I kinda lol'd at your literalness. I think he meant the rest of his earthly existence...but truthfully I agree with you more than him...most men cheat for a reason...hormones > emotion for most, including me unfortunately. ------------------- TCW \| Everybody gon' respect the shooter...but the one in front of the gun lives forever.
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Willow Vampire Don't worry, I bite Legendary Seeker since: Apr 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 11:54am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Eugh. There's that word, again. NegativeEnergy, you talked for 45 minutes and got her Facebook but that absolutely doesn't mean she's interested in dating you just because she's of the opposite sex. The comment you had planned to send to her online sounds like a really good idea, that way you can get to know her first and meet up with her a few times to see whether she's interested in a romantic relationship. The key though is not to expect it just because she seems to like you as a person and has a vagina. If she does just want to be friends isn't that also great? girls and boys should be able to be friends without exchanging bodily fluids with each other. ------------------- Do you want me to say it's funny, so you can contradict me and say it's sad, Or do you want me to say it's sad so you can turn around and say no, it's funny?
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NegativeEnergy Conf. Finals Boston - 3; Miami - 2 Resident Neo total posts: 2957 since: Jun 2007	Apr 25, 12 at 12:34pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Thanks bri and willow! I appreciate the feedback a lot and willow, you are absolutely right. Even if she wants to just be friends that would be a plus too! I didn't try to make it come off in a sexual if that is what u thought I meant ------------------- It's All About 18
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13197 since: Mar 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 12:42pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	There's a difference between wanting to be a friend and friendzoning someone. If someone bends over backward for a person, and still gets treated as a friend (even when the intention is clear), then it's a friendzone. When it's obvious that someone is interested in you more than just being a friend, and yet you chose to let it happen (instead of, you know, telling him/ her that you're not looking for something) than yeah, you're a jerk. It's not sexist or anything, it's just that most men to tend to put out more compared to most women. It's just the social expectation. Men are expected to come up with the initiative in society, hence why there are more men who are "friendzoned" compared to women. ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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Willow Vampire Don't worry, I bite Legendary Seeker since: Apr 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 2:09pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lazzara There's a difference between wanting to be a friend and friendzoning someone. If someone bends over backward for a person, and still gets treated as a friend (even when the intention is clear), then it's a friendzone. So if you bend over backwards for someone you should expect sex from them in payment? I've gone out of my way to do things for people of both sexes because I was their friend and wanted to, not because I expected something in return. Why can't people just be nice without an alternative agenda? I see where you're coming from but I just absolutely hate the term because for me there is no such thing. Men and women should be able to be friends and that's it - there should be no other agendas or expectations and women certainly shouldn't be getting called bitches for wanting to remain friends with a guy who likes her. ------------------- Do you want me to say it's funny, so you can contradict me and say it's sad, Or do you want me to say it's sad so you can turn around and say no, it's funny?
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13197 since: Mar 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 2:19pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Willow Vampire So if you bend over backwards for someone you should expect sex from them in payment? I've gone out of my way to do things for people of both sexes because I was their friend and wanted to, not because I expected something in return. Why can't people just be nice without an alternative agenda? I see where you're coming from but I just absolutely hate the term because for me there is no such thing. Men and women should be able to be friends and that's it - there should be no other agendas or expectations and women certainly shouldn't be getting called bitches for wanting to remain friends with a guy who likes her. friendzone isn't always about sex most people who bend over backward for someone are usually looking for a serious relationship, not necessarily just sex. i've yet to find anyone who bends over backward just for sex, it's usually bigger than that. People can be nice without any hidden agenda. Men and women can definitely be friends. But if you knew that someone treats you as more than friend, then you should be honest that it's not really what you're looking for instead of ignoring. it's pretty obvious when someone's intent is a friendship or a relationship. Edit: Apr 25, 12 4:49pm ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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Praetorian_Lord the Hoople Neolithic total posts: 6411 neopoints: 177 since: Sep 2007	Apr 25, 12 at 6:44pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lazzara There's a difference between wanting to be a friend and friendzoning someone. If someone bends over backward for a person, and still gets treated as a friend (even when the intention is clear), then it's a friendzone. quote Lazzara People can be nice without any hidden agenda. Men and women can definitely be friends. But if you knew that someone treats you as more than friend, then you should be honest that it's not really what you're looking for instead of ignoring. it's pretty obvious when someone's intent is a friendship or a relationship. There's your problem. The intention is obviously clear to the person who is bending over backwards, they know why they're doing what they're doing. You might know too, either because they're your friend and have told you so, or because you have keen powers of observation. The mistake is believing that it must be obvious to the person in question just because it's obvious to you. Maybe they're only seeing what they want to see. Maybe they're thick. Or maybe, just maybe, they haven't put two and two together to figure out that you going out of your way for them means something more than being a nice person. Not that bending over backwards for someone just because you want something in return makes you a particularly nice person anyway. If it's so bleeding obvious to everyone, why not just come out and say it rather than hiding behind a wall of cowardice and bitching about how you're being taken advantage of? ------------------- That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons even death may die
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13197 since: Mar 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 6:56pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Praetorian_Lord Not that bending over backwards for someone just because you want something in return makes you a particularly nice person anyway. If it's so bleeding obvious to everyone, why not just come out and say it rather than hiding behind a wall of cowardice and bitching about how you're being taken advantage of? I don't really see how bending over backwards for someone when expecting a return is a stupid gesture. If you want it, then yeah, go fight for it. But it doesn't make the other person has the right to take the advantage of the situation. Not everyone has the courage to say what they feel, hence why they'd rather try to show it through these gestures. Obv if you feel like you have a chance to take a step further, you'll be blinded by the signs and choose to ignore everything. is it your fault? maybe. But you're not the only one in the equation here. The case of friendzone usually happens when a person is taking advantage of another over a long period of time. If you have no intent to take step forward, then cut it out. That's what I usually see in most cases. Why should you be giving hope when you're not going to take a step forward? are you implying it's okay to take advantage from someone as long as s/he doesn't seem to mind? ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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Praetorian_Lord the Hoople Neolithic total posts: 6411 neopoints: 177 since: Sep 2007	Apr 25, 12 at 7:09pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	The mere choice of words - 'friend zone' - is interesting to me. What you're describing is what we call stringing someone along over here. My understanding of being 'friend zoned' is that someone has decided that they don't, and won't, see you or treat you as anything more than a friend. Gee, how horrible of them. I didn't say that bending over backwards for someone expecting a return is a stupid gesture, I said that it doesn't make you a nice person. The stupidity comes in to it when you keep doing it having received nothing in return to date in the hope that you will in future. Obviously I don't approve of taking advantage of someone by stringing them along, but as you say, there are two people in the equation. What you're suggesting is that the person on the receiving end should say, 'Look, I see that you're being a really nice person to me, and it's pretty clear that you're doing it because you want something more than friendship. I just wanted to say that I really appreciate what you're doing, but I'm just not interested in any sort of relationship.' Problem: If the person bending over backwards doesn't have the courage to say that they like this other person, why is the receiver going to have the courage - or audacity - to firstly be convinced that this person isn't actually just being nice, but has a vested romantic interest, and secondly to call them out on it? It's not always intentionally manipulative, y'know, and saying it's 'obvious' doesn't work. It's equally as likely that the receiver doesn't realise, or does, and is either too polite, too cowardly or too mindful of the other's feelings to tell them to knock it off. ------------------- That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons even death may die
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13197 since: Mar 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 7:34pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	i've always thought the term friend-zone refers to stringing someone along rather than just a person chooses not to see you as anything but a friend. when most people talk about getting friendzone, it's usually a case where someone is stringing you along and they knew that they'd lose the privilege once they say "nah, we can't be anything but friends". if a person doesn't even attempt to reciprocate, then yeah you're probably at fault. but most friend-zone cases happen when the person feels as if s/he has any chance to take things a step further, but the receiver only did it because s/he had to my main gripe with 'friend-zone' is when thing like this happens, "yeah, you're nice, i like you, but we can only be friends, but pls treat me as more than friends, though!". and then they proceed to call you out because you stop treating them well. ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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Praetorian_Lord the Hoople Neolithic total posts: 6411 neopoints: 177 since: Sep 2007	Apr 25, 12 at 7:39pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lazzara my main gripe with 'friend-zone' is when thing like this happens, "yeah, you're nice, i like you, but we can only be friends, but pls treat me as more than friends, though!". and then they proceed to call you out because you stop treating them well. Aside from guessing what goes on inside someone's head, though, how often does this actually happen? ------------------- That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons even death may die
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13197 since: Mar 2004	Apr 25, 12 at 7:53pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Praetorian_Lord Aside from guessing what goes on inside someone's head, though, how often does this actually happen? i think it happens pretty often, or otherwise most beta guys won't complain about getting friendzoned. i mean, i completely understand why they complain it, most people have been there at one point in their lives. i personally could not care any less. if she's not gonna reciprocate, then she's probably not worth my time. friends? yes. but just don't get pissy when you're no longer the center of attention lols. but the amount of women getting back at you when you stop pursuing her >>>>>>>>>>>>> i feel like that's pretty much the only way to get out of the dreaded friendzone. to call friendzoning is exclusive to one gender/ sexist is bullshit, though. it happens to every gender. again, it only seems to be more common in men because men are expected to start the process (asking out to a date, etc) ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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