re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c - Page 18 - Thinker's Lounge

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walnuts 'Back off, man. I'm a scientist' True Addiction total posts: 19225 neopoints: 381 since: May 2008	Apr 17, 12 at 6:43pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Log in to remove this sponsored message quote Lazzara i think if they wanted to open up, they'd open up. you could ask them what's wrong, etc. but if he's/she's got no interest in talking to you, then he/she wouldn't talk, and that's when you're supposed to respect his/her privacy I think she knows that she can talk to me, at least I hope she does. I'm just worried sick about her, that's all. But, as you said, it is up to her so I will respect her privacy and wait until she's ready. ------------------- 'I don't know mercy, but I know pain. Sometimes I share it with the likes of you'
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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 18, 12 at 9:25pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Wow. Where to start. Friday, April 27, I am taking my girlfriend to the doctor. She asked me to take her. It's her woman doctor. I said I would. So I've been planning to for almost a month now. Today she told me something that had I not took a crap a hour earlier, I probably woulda literally shit myself. I've known she had sex in the past. She told me, but today she told me she has had a d&c in the past (stuff with a miscarriage), and the reason for her doctor visit is she got some sort of infection from it. I never really thought anything of it in the past when she said the reason she wanted a 4 dr car over a 2 dr was because she wanted it for when she had a child. I didn't know she was pregnant when she was looking for the car. All in all, this information kills me. I got mad. I left before I said something stupid. The thing is, it doesn't bother me she was pregnant in the past and had a miscarriage. That stuff doesn't matter. The part that bothers me is she hid this from me. Not sure what to do here. Help please!
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Lazzara #riseabovehate 4 lyf Permanently Plugged In total posts: 13208 since: Mar 2004	Apr 18, 12 at 9:28pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	do you think she had a good reason to hide it from you? how were you when this shit happened? if you weren't at your best, it probably wasn't the right time to say it ------------------- i will stand, take my stand at the back the motherbleeping bus cuz im a proud ass bleep ✪ Fandango Crew ✪
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Iconic I am the man of Constant Sorrow Permanently Plugged In since: Jul 2002	Apr 18, 12 at 11:41pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lego Master I got mad. I left before I said something stupid. The thing is, it doesn't bother me she was pregnant in the past and had a miscarriage. That stuff doesn't matter. The part that bothers me is she hid this from me. Not sure what to do here. Help please! Well I can understand you being mad, but unless it was your child.. It's really none of your business. Matters like this are usually very sensitive to a girl, and it's one of her deepest darkest secrets if she's had an abortion or a miscarriage. It's not usually something that they throw out there. So you need to be understanding. The idea of you getting mad at her for her not telling you she's been pregnant in the past is silly. You weren't in the situation, so the best thing for you to do is try to be understanding and be there for her. ------------------- <3 Ethan quote You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I'll miss you Momma
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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 19, 12 at 9:45am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Iconic quote Lego Master I got mad. I left before I said something stupid. The thing is, it doesn't bother me she was pregnant in the past and had a miscarriage. That stuff doesn't matter. The part that bothers me is she hid this from me. Not sure what to do here. Help please! Well I can understand you being mad, but unless it was your child.. It's really none of your business. Matters like this are usually very sensitive to a girl, and it's one of her deepest darkest secrets if she's had an abortion or a miscarriage. It's not usually something that they throw out there. So you need to be understanding. The idea of you getting mad at her for her not telling you she's been pregnant in the past is silly. You weren't in the situation, so the best thing for you to do is try to be understanding and be there for her. I understand that. But when you're in a relationship with somebody for as long as we have, it feels like she was hiding it. I know its not an easy subject, but she says she wants to be with me forever. Why would she hide something like that from the man she wants forever? Especially since we've been together for as long as we have now. The reason it makes me so mad is because it feels like she was hiding it from me for some reason. And the only reason I even found out was because she got an infection from it. And that really isn't even why she told me. She told me I coulda gotten her infection from having sex.
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Iconic I am the man of Constant Sorrow Permanently Plugged In since: Jul 2002	Apr 19, 12 at 12:02pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	How long have you two been together if you don't mind me asking? ------------------- <3 Ethan quote You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I'll miss you Momma
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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 20, 12 at 7:29am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Iconic How long have you two been together if you don't mind me asking? One year, 6 months. I know I'll be with her forever though. I know shes the one. She wants to be with me forever too. She's told me and her best friend said to me once "Last night I was talking to her about you. She said she WILL be your wife one day. She really does wanna be with you forever".
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Iconic I am the man of Constant Sorrow Permanently Plugged In since: Jul 2002	Apr 20, 12 at 1:43pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	Son let me tell you, everyone always says forever. People change, things change, I'm no trying to belittle your relationship but that's not a long time. People date for many years, get married, are married for 10 years and find out new things about their lover. So what you didn't know she was pregnant.. I dated a girl for three years before I found out she had been molested before, been pregnant before, and a slew of other things. It's her story to tell, therefore you can't really hold it against her. ------------------- <3 Ethan quote You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I'll miss you Momma
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dldall Neo-newbie total posts: 5 since: Apr 2012	Apr 20, 12 at 8:04pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lego Master She told me I coulda gotten her infection from having sex. (the Hamster): Hm. Can she really infect you by sex or what? If can, this is an official crime, for exception yours relations before was far away from the threat. A good person inform partner about the kind of threat by own will, but in our time of "total infected virgins" it is a good practice to test together before sex. Spoiler: what if If yours relations was started with only purpose to get a sex, she could be afraid, that you will drop her at once because of the threat and she will get no hope before you will know about. quote Lego Master it feels like she was hiding it. Why would she hide something like that from the man she wants forever? (the Hamster): She did not hide, but had no event to tell you the concrete fact of her life (could be afraid etc). What did you expect to get - certified virgin? How old are you? Look at TV, movies or books, they say "if you don't fck all moving, you are stupid silly dude". Without the Lord's Law base many young people just can not protect themself against the sht. (church rat): try this sermon #001 (the Hamster): In your case, do consider her as if she was deceived having no the Lord's Law. In many other cases (but not always), do consider to make the same as she did (for extra babies example, find a girl, who wants to be sole and to have a baby, and make the gift to her). And again, what did you expect to get, what kind of relations? Forever? If you really need a girl, found the girl you love, who endures you; if you want to be with her all the time and forget about all other - you are happy man. The worst ideas are: to demand any from her, to emit claims to her, to explain everything to her, to try to make "an ideal love" etc. No one needs any other from a girl. Many other people have NO the happyness, they are living because were born, married because all around did the same, etc - sad life. But if you want to grow children, you should have more, than "need a girl", you should sacrifice some own profits to them, in fact you will live for them 10-20 years of your life. Edit: Apr 20, 12 8:15pm
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Praetorian_Lord the Hoople Neolithic total posts: 6417 neopoints: 177 since: Sep 2007	Apr 20, 12 at 8:24pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	...The hell? [ Check moderation queue to see who reported this post ] ------------------- That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons even death may die
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Iconic I am the man of Constant Sorrow Permanently Plugged In since: Jul 2002	Apr 20, 12 at 8:36pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	And trollin trollin ------------------- <3 Ethan quote You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I'll miss you Momma
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Lego Master just getting started! total posts: 109 since: Feb 2012	Apr 20, 12 at 9:21pm ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Iconic Son let me tell you, everyone always says forever. People change, things change, I'm no trying to belittle your relationship but that's not a long time. People date for many years, get married, are married for 10 years and find out new things about their lover. So what you didn't know she was pregnant.. I dated a girl for three years before I found out she had been molested before, been pregnant before, and a slew of other things. It's her story to tell, therefore you can't really hold it against her. She's told me about the rest of her big events in life. But all in all, we discussed it at length today. She said the reason she was afraid to tell me was because she was afraid I'd leave her. I don't see why that'd make me leave her. She was afraid I'd leave since I'm 20 and she's 23. Something about why would a person of my age want a 23 year old who coulda had a child a few months before we met. I still don't get it. She thinks I wouldn't have wanted anything to do with her had she had a child back when she was pregnant. So I got to sit there and explain to her how even though it'd have been hard to wanna be with someone with a child, especially since I'm 20, that I'd probably still have fallen for her. Yes, it woulda taken longer and a shit ton of getting used to, but all in all, worth it. I told her that as long as she was the wonderful woman I fell for in October 2010 I would have. She was going on about how her ex was useless and she wouldn't want him in the childs life. She was really happy that I woulda given it a try had she had the child. Knowing it still kills me a bit, but I'm over it. Talking about it with her really helped. In response to your first 2 sentences. Yes, people do change, but at the same time, people learn to accept and adapt to new changes in life. The reason most people don't last in relationships anymore is because people are more stupid nowadays. Rather than fixing a problem that comes up, they just throw away what they have rather than fixing their problem. For me, only a few reasons to break up or divorce. Abuse and cheating. Virtually any other problem can be fixed. In a regular relationship, I really don't see why someone would break up with someone they find later in life. My gf is supporting my want to go through a veterinary program. At the same time, she has said various times shes afraid I will find someone better. I told her as long as she doesn't cheat on me then I'd never have any reason to try and find a new relationship. What I have is perfect. I have a woman I love and that loves me back. The one I fell in love with. The one I can see myself with in 50 years. But now I am just rambling on, I feel my point was made.
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Willow Vampire Don't worry, I bite Legendary Seeker since: Apr 2004	Apr 21, 12 at 1:24am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lego Master She said the reason she was afraid to tell me was because she was afraid I'd leave her. I don't see why that'd make me leave her. She was afraid I'd leave since I'm 20 and she's 23. Something about why would a person of my age want a 23 year old who coulda had a child a few months before we met. To be fair, she's right. The majority of men would have been put off by that. I think you're looking at the problem in reverse, seeing yourself in her situation being a bit older and expecting a baby but it's not that simple. She's a female. So here's my 'mature' female perspective (mature for this site anyway, I'm 24) A woman being with a much older guy in this society is perfectly acceptable. A guy being with a slightly older woman however isn't seen that way - in movies and in real life, the old, ugly looking guys can still get young 'sexy girls'. Guys with wrinkles are seen as "rugged" and "handsome" but women with wrinkles are seen simply as past it and ugly. These expectations can really affect women's confidence a whole lot within relationships. I'm months rather than years older than my boyfriend and I still get ridiculous 'jokes' like I'm a "cougar" and a "cradle snatcher" and he's my "toy boy" which would absolutely never happen if it were in reverse. Having gone through something so personal like a miscarriage I'd imagine would be really difficult to talk about as well. In a way some women are looked at as used or damaged goods if they've been pregnant or, even abused. Now you might not see it that way but she knows a lot of other men would see it that way. She told you in the end, you should use this as a learning experience to set down some 'ground rules' about honesty, if you'd like. What she got up to in previous relationships, is really none of your business after all. She only made it your business quite rightly when this infection could have been affecting you. All in all, it doesn't sound like an excuse. I identify a lot with the things you've told us she's said. ------------------- Do you want me to say it's funny, so you can contradict me and say it's sad, Or do you want me to say it's sad so you can turn around and say no, it's funny?
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Praetorian_Lord the Hoople Neolithic total posts: 6417 neopoints: 177 since: Sep 2007	Apr 22, 12 at 2:24am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	You in a relationship, not logged in? ------------------- That is not dead which can eternal lie And with strange aeons even death may die
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seitaer Neophyte total posts: 32 since: Apr 2012	Apr 22, 12 at 4:24am ^ re: Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c
	quote Lego Master quote Iconic How long have you two been together if you don't mind me asking? One year, 6 months. I know I'll be with her forever though. I know shes the one. She wants to be with me forever too. She's told me and her best friend said to me once "Last night I was talking to her about you. She said she WILL be your wife one day. She really does wanna be with you forever". obviously every one's situation is different, but a miscarriage deeply scars an individual. She may have been ashamed to tell you, or afraid that you'd react negatively. I think leaving before you said something stupid was smart, but she probably still spent the rest of the night crying in the bathroom. You feel betrayed right now, but the best thing you can do is go back and calmly talk this through.
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