Dating: Asking, Conflicts, relationships, and Tips 2011c - Page 14

Go and look at some shops during the day then go for a meal, looking around shops gives you both lots of things to chat about and will tell you a lot about that person.

When dealing with shy chicks, its VERY important to make the move. It lets her know you like her.

As for the other chick. Cut her off completely. Ive had the same thing happen ones and i was able to turn the tides unto her and mess with her head. If a girl is getting into your head and you cant handle it, its hest to cut her off. It only means shes messed up.

Hey all, I've posted in this thread a couple of times before about some problems with my currently long-distance girlfriend, we've been together for over a year now. I feel rotten even posting this, but here we go. Sorry, the story is a bit all over the place...

The first time I posted, back in September, we had some problems and we almost broke up, however we fixed it, albeit temporarily. Since then, we've just had problem after problem I suppose, I've felt that her heart wasn't in the relationship anymore. A girl who used to surprise me every so often with a sweet message, now didn't even bother to contact me to see if I arrived back in my home country safely for over a week... A girl who used to sound so excited when I used to call now sounds completely disinterested and often blows me off when I spend some money I've saved on a long-distance call :S I haven't really had any fond memories with her since the September fight to be honest.. Anyway, just recently, I've realised that it was my memories of her that I was in love with and not the person anymore. I found the love for her just vanish, I found myself becoming detatched from the relationship, and getting attracted to other girls again. Without the stress of the relationship in my life I felt light and free!

Then, it seemed the less I contacted her, the more she would cling to me, like asking me questions as to why I wasn't contacting her anymore, if I was cheating etc. I couldn't work it out, I try to contact her, I got let down, disappointed all the time. I stop contacting her and she becomes all clingy. She'd become very flaky however, she'd pretty much beg for me to skype with her, and if we'd organise a time, I'd come online and she would stand me up. This happened a couple of times. I knew I had to end the relationship, but I knew she'd take it hard being clingy as she is. I wanted to work out the best way to break it to her. However, one time just recently we talked, she told me why she kept standing me up, and being so flaky. She was diagnosed with cancer just recently, like within a couple of weeks ago... Now while of course I'm very concerned about it, and I still care about her, the romantic feelings are completely gone. I know this isn't an excuse as to why she tuned out of the relationship after a silly fight back in September.

So yeah, part of me says how could I be so heartless to break up with my girlfriend of a year just after she's been diagnosed with cancer? x_x
The other part of me says who am I to fake love in a now loveless relationship? And in the end, isn't that the most hurtful thing?
What can I possibly do to make it any easier on her??

Thanks for any help...

quote Perfect Hit

Thirst_For_Soda Aye i really want to make a move but I'm not sure if she is being shy or doesnt want me to! :/

as for the other girl its weird cause i was with her for a year and i'm finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that i may never see her again, and every time i almost get over her and get her out my head she seems to text me. Just the thought of her not being there scares me a bit.

I feel you man. When youve gotten used to a persons smile, her laugh, her mind, her face, the way she moves and the pleasant sound of her voice it can be hard to let go of that.

But hey this world is merciless. I always try to do the right and smart thing even if its very painful. Determine for yourself is it the right thing to move on or is this really worth it. In relationships, oftentimes if you have doubts about a girl and you tried to work it out many times but failed, its time to move on before things get more complicated. You are not only hurting yourself but hurting her by not moving on properlly and honestly breaking things up in a positive way between the two of you.

quote Ryancola

Skype would definitely be the better long-distance communication method, but I don't think that's really the core issue here.

Honestly, from what I've read, it seems like your relationship with your girlfriend is over... There's no spark and there's absolutely nothing redeeming about it right now aside from the fact that you guys have amazing memories. Cancer is terrible, but that's no reason for you to limit your life and stay bungled up in a lifeless relationship. Talk things over with her-- tell her where you feel about how things are. Essentially, tell her EXACTLY what you're telling us, and basically explain your feelings. If she realizes she still loves you and starts making changes, great... If not (which I expect), you can move on from the relationship and still make an effort to be friendly so that she at least doesn't totally lose you out of her life while she's going through a tough time after her diagnosis as well.

Hope this helps

Hahaha, yeah Skype certainly wasn't the problem, we do Skype, just sometimes it isn't convenient as we both have to be at home on the computer, so I like to surprise with a phone call every so often.
Thanks tonnes for your advice! I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared/nervous at all, its gonna be difficult after all. She's gonna take it very hard, I suspect she's a little emotionally unstable at the moment after hearing the cancer news. Not to mention I have to live with myself for adding to her pain in such a bad time for her. That and of course it'd sting me a bit too. Wish me luck haha.
I wonder if there is an easier way I could let her down? Rather than just kinda breaking the news to her out of the blue. Guess I might just have to bite the bullet, huh? x_x

I'unno, SilentScream, for all you actually know she might be telling the truth. You can be confident in your friend's word but keep in mind he's only going by what he's heard. There's a massive difference between being certain and being fairly certain. You're giving this girl a pretty raw deal if it turns out she's not lying.

They must be able to do a paternity test prior to birth though, surely? Can't they, I don't know, extract some placenta tissue or umbilical blood or something?

quote SilentScream

The guy that told me all this is a very good friend of mine and would not lie to me about what he hears around tow

I understand trusting a friend, but remember that he hasn't directly seen any of these things, he's just heard them. The people he's heard them from may be untrustworthy.

quote SilentScream

I told her to leave me alone and never to contact me again. She began calling me non-stop for 12 straight hours and I blocked her number from my cell phone. I also had several guys who are her "friends" whose numbers I blocked as well on my phone threaten me over SMS.

Considering that for all you know she is telling the truth, I can see why she was angry with what you said. You'll need to contact her for the test after the baby's birth and then if it's yours, you'll have to prepare to communicate with each other about the welfare of your child.

I think it's totally unnecessary to take a test before the birth.

Prodigy just be charismatic without being overly forceful and see how she leads it. If she's on you it'll be grossly apparent by the end of the night.