Haunting Ground

Boobs. I mean hi. Today I'm going to be reviewing Haunting boobs. I mean Ground. It's the breasts game I've ever played, top(less)ing Resitit Evil, Sidetit Hill, PenumBRA, Assnesia, and Bioshake-dat-ass girl. Amazing mammory I've got to remember all those, huh? I was on the edge of my teat playing this game, I mean wow, this game made me really hard. I mean it was hard. I mean. I'll just start the review. Tits.

Storyline

Sure, we all love gratuitous half nudity, right? A playful Japanese fighting game character bouncing around, joyfully asking us to respect the artist's integrity whilst rightfully laying aside our own. The FPS character line-up that has one member who has a bit more weight in the chest than they do in the head. Ethan's ass in Heavy Rain. It's never a bad thing per se, but it sure as hell is distracting. And when it comes to Haunting Ground's cutscenes, you'll be getting nothing more than distractions. With a stunning combo of a greasy fat guy, a horny lesbian, and an ...

THE GOOD:
Characters, Gameplay, Music, Unlockables.

THE BAD:
Characters (yes, I'm putting them in both categories), Puzzles, Maps.

SUMMARY:
As it's most likely been said many times before, if you're a fan of the Clock Tower series, or just Survival Horror in general, then you'll really like this game, it has a charm all its own.

First off, some the characters are a mix of likability and downright contempt.

Our heroine, Fiona, as would be expected in this style of game, is your typical spazmonkey who spooks way too easily, and I would have to agree with the consensus that she's a little on the stupid side for not thinking to use any one of the multitudes of sharp weapons she breezes past in many rooms.

However, Hewie, your canine companion and protector, OWNS by all standards.
Unlike Brown from Rule of Rose, he's actually USEFUL (if you treat him well, that is), clamping down on enemies' hands and feet, or leaping onto their back to gnaw at their head, which is always cool to watch.
He's also ...

THE GOOD:
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THE BAD:
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SUMMARY:
This game plays like a how-to on pissing off experienced gamers. It has a few small positives which get buried under a heaping pile of crap, to the point where I'm not even sure where to begin with this review.

The plot is essentially that you're a helpless British girl (literally - we'll come back to this) who is in a car accident and awakens in a castle where there is evidently cannibalism taking place. Or something. Eventually you find and recruit a dog who is often quite useless, but far more worthy of life than the protagonist. Commence a not-at-all scary adventure against semi-decent opponents through an extremely repetitive, confusing dungeon labyrinth. That's Haunting Ground in a nutshell.

The concept of having a dog that you control is interesting but ultimately flawed. Hewie mimics real canines by not always listening or helping out, which wouldn't be so bad if Fiona, our non-heroine, had any balls whatsoever. That's really the ultimate fl...

THE GOOD:
Characters, Music, Environments, Puzzles, Story, Cutscenes, Loads of unlockables, Multiple endings, A dog sidekick.

THE BAD:
Sometimes Hewie doesn't listen, which gets aggravating. The stalkers seem to pop up a lot. It also may take a while to figure out what your supposed to be doing, and there's a lot of backtracking.

SUMMARY:
This is probably my favourite game of all time. I pretty much loved everything about it. You get no weapons except for a dog to protect you, which isn't that bad; actually sort of fun watching the dog attack. You do get items that can stun your enemies for a short time, though. And the characters are awesome, the music is awesome, the story, environments and puzzles were awesome. I liked how each stalker had their own reason for wanting to chase Fiona, and the reasons they had were disturbing, yet so great... The music also suited each stalker perfectly when they chase you. And I liked how each of the rooms looked, especially the Gothic hallways. The sc...